Fate
by Moluvsnumber17
Summary: Post NFA. Spike returns to LA after being gone for almost seven years. He doesn't know why he came back, until he meets a little girl that will change his life forever.
1. Chapter 1

**Description: Post NFA. Spike returns to LA after being gone for almost seven years. He doesn't know why he came back, until he meets a little girl that will change his life forever. **

**Disclaimer: Joss owns all characters Buffy, I own those in which have come from my own mind. At least…I think I do.**

**Feedback: You can have a big cake with a heart on it if you review!**

**A/N: I just had this idea and thought it might make a good story. Ya'll will have to let me know if you like it and think I should continue.**

* * *

**Chapter 1**

Six years. That's how long it had been since he'd been back in the states, back in California. Six years since he'd sworn he was over this place, and all of the people that had ever lived in it. And now here he was, walking down the streets of Los Angeles, feeling strangely at home. He took a drag from his cigarette and let his gaze wander. Nothing had changed, or at least that was how it seemed to him. If he didn't know any better, he could imagine that it was 2004 and that he was on his way to Wolfram & Hart to continue one of his favorite hobbies, bugging the hell out of Peaches. Spike almost smiled as he thought about their many arguments over the most pointless of topics. At the time, it had seemed like the most important thing, winning a fight with Angel. That was, he remembered, only because he'd lost the only fight that really mattered.

The smiled faded and Spike now felt a slight distaste for the older vampire resurfacing. He quickly shook off the feeling, reminding himself that it wasn't polite to think ill of the dead.

There were few people wandering the streets, though it was relatively late. Before he'd left the crummy motel that had been his residence for the past few days, the cracked clock on the wall had told him that it was a quarter till eleven. It seemed like a quiet night, which could really only mean one thing… something was wrong. He hadn't been to L.A. in a long time, but he remembered enough about it to know that it was never quiet. Quiet only meant the baddies were being careful not to get caught. Admittedly, Spike was looking for a fight. Preferably something big and nasty. He hadn't had a good spot of violence in weeks, not since he'd left Chicago.

The reason for the return to California was still rather unclear to him. Something in his gut had told him to come back. And so he had. It wasn't as if he'd settled down anywhere in the past six years, so coming back wasn't that far of a stretch. He took another drag from his cigarette and threw it on the ground, stomping on it. He placed his hands in his pockets and sniffed the air hoping for any kind of action. What he got was something… different. Not a demon. A human. A human with a racing heartbeat. Then he heard it, a little cry coming from a nearby alley. He followed the noise, unsure of what he would find. Spike ran through a few scenarios in his mind of who it could be and what could have happened to them. A woman perhaps, hiding from a mugger, or maybe a teenager whose idea to run away from home seemed better before they were alone on a dark street. That's why he was surprised to find a small child sitting behind one of the dumpsters. She looked up at him with wide green eyes. She was frightened, but also defiant somehow, like she would put up a fight if necessary.

"Are you a monster?" she asked in an almost threatening tone.

He was a bit taken aback by her statement, but responded with a "No." Though technically that _was_ a lie, he didn't want to frighten the young girl anymore than she already was. He bent down so he was just level with her. Her light blonde hair was pulled into pigtails that hung down past her shoulders. Spike wasn't an expert on children, but he dared to guess she was not yet school-age. "Are you alright?" he asked her.

She nodded before tilting her head sideways and studying him. "Are you a good guy?"

"Yeah. I guess you could say that."

She seemed to consider this for a moment and then, "Could you help me find my mommy? I was looking for her, but the monster tried to eat me."

"What kind of monster?"

"A one with little crinklies and sharp teeth. A bampire." She wrinkled her forehead and showed her teeth as if imitating it.

"Oh. Where did he go?" Spike looked around to see if the vampire was still nearby, but there was no sign of it.

"I don't know. I kicked him and he fell down. I ran and hid right here."

Well, she was brave, he would give her that.

"I want my mommy."

Spike stared at the little girl. He wasn't good with kids, or rather, he'd never really been around kids. But he knew it would weigh on him if he just left her here. "Let's go find her then."

He stood back up and she stood up, too. There was something familiar about her, but he couldn't pinpoint exactly what it was.

"What's your name?" he asked her.

"Camilla Joyce Summers."

* * *

"Oh my God, Dawn. What if she's dead?" The slayer was panicking.

"She's not."

"How could you possibly know that?"

"I just do, okay? She can't be dead. She can't be."

Dawn was terribly worried about her niece, but she was trying to remain calm for her sister's sake. The slayer was ready to go out and beat heads. Dawn had been trying to convince her that the best thing she could do was stay here and wait for Willow. They had called the witch around twenty minutes ago to come perform a locater spell for them. The little girl had been missing for close to two hours. The first hour and a half had been spent looking frantically for her everywhere. Then when Dawn suggested they call the police, Buffy had shook her head no and said they should call Willow to do a spell to find her. She claimed it would be more effective than the police; which in this town was bound to be true.

She had been in L.A. for less than 48 hours and Buffy was already remembering why she hated it here. She had taken Camilla out for ice cream. When she had been ordering, the little girl had wandered off and no one in the shop knew where she'd gone.

Buffy sat down on the couch and put her head in her hands. "How could I let this happen?"

"It wasn't your fault."

"I…" the slayer was cut off by a knock at the door.

Dawn got up to answer it. It was Willow.

"Thank God you're here."

She came in and immediately began setting up. She too was worried about the small child. Whereas she had more strength than most children her age, it would still not be enough to protect her from even a human adult man. Buffy wiped her tears and stood with her arms crossed watching the witch perform her spell. First she lit some candles. She then set up a map of the city, sprinkled some sort of dust on it, and began speaking in Latin. After a moment the map lit up.

"She's on 76th street."

"That's not too far from here," Dawn said excitedly.

"Then let's go," Buffy said grabbing her coat and walking towards the door.

"Oh." Willow's words made Buffy stop in her tracks. "She's not alone."

"So we hurry."

"No, Buffy; it's not just anyone. It's a vampire."

* * *

"Summers?"

"Uhuh."

He shook his head. There were plenty sets of Summers in the world. Didn't mean she was related to the ones he knew.

"What's your mommy's name?"

"Buffy."

Spike nearly tripped over his own feet. Did she just say what he thought she just said?

"Buffy?"

"Uhuh."

"Buffy Summers?"

"Yep."

She didn't seem to notice the sudden panic that he was experiencing. The slayer… his slayer… had a daughter. There _had_ been something familiar about her, and he hadn't seen or heard from Buffy in going on 8 years. Why shouldn't she have a kid? She was probably married, too.

"What about your daddy?" he found himself asking.

"I don't have a daddy. Mommy says he went away before I was born."

Relief washed over him. She wasn't married, or at least not to the girl's father. He then felt a bit sorry for her. Growing up without a father was hard, he knew that first hand. His own father had left him and his mother when he was only 2 years old. Even though that had been centuries ago, he still couldn't help the pain that he felt when he thought about it. Maybe things would have turned out differently for him had his father stayed around. The thought that a man had gotten Buffy pregnant and then left her made him angry. Good thing he _wasn't_ around or Spike might have to break a few of his parts.

He stood there in a bit of a daze. He had Buffy's daughter. The plus side was, at least now he knew who he was looking for. The down side was, he would have to see her again. It wasn't that he didn't want to see her, he was just afraid of how she would react to him after all this time. There was a good chance that she would be happy to see him, but there was also a good chance that she wouldn't be. She might even be uncomfortable. Her last words to him had, after all, been I love you. Whether there had truly been feelings behind the words was another question. He was pulled out of his thoughts by the little girl.

"What's your name?"

"Uhh… Spike." He started walking and she followed.

"Spike?" she asked curiously. "Isn't that a name for a dog?"

"No."

"You talk funny."

He looked down at her. "So do you."

"Nuhuh."

They kept walking in silence for a moment.

"Are we going to find my mommy?"

"Yeah."

"Do you know where she is?"

"If I knew where she was then we wouldn't be looking for her, now would we?" his words weren't harsh, but she didn't say anything and that made him regret them. She was just a child after all and it wasn't her that had him all wired. It was her mother. But it's not like he could tell _her_ that. He heard something behind them and turned to see a vampire.

"There you are you little bitch."

"Hey, no talking to the bit like that," Spike growled back at him, pushing the small child behind him.

"The little brat kicked me."

"Oh, did she hurt you feelings, mate?"

The vampire made a growling noise. "Just give me the kid, and I'll be out of your way."

"No way in hell. You want her, you go through me."

"Yeah, you big meanie head. No way in hell."

Spike looked down at the little girl, who was now standing beside him scowling at the vampire. He fought the urge to smile. 'Just like her mother,' he thought.

"You heard the girl."

The vampire stood there a moment before charging at Spike. He stepped forward and punched the vampire in the face causing him to fall to the ground. He jumped back up. Spike kicked him in the stomach and punched him in the face a few more times before pulling a stake out of his pocket and stabbing it through the fledgling's heart. He returned the stake to his pocket and looked back at Camilla. He expected her to be terrified or shocked, but instead she looked interested.

"You dusted him."

"I did."

She smiled. "Like mommy."

"Yeah, like mommy." Spike thought it odd that the Slayer would have done so in the presence of her child, though he supposed if they were in danger then she would have had no other choice.

"Mommy says that bampires are evil and scary and if I ever see one I should run away and hide."

"That's a good idea."

They started to walk again. Spike's mind was still all over the place. He hadn't the slightest clue where to start to look for the slayer.

"I hate bampires. They always wanna hurt me. But there's no way in hell you'll let them hurt me right?"

"Right, but you probably shouldn't be talking like that, Nibblit. Mum might not like it."

She nodded and they walked a little ways in silence. Spike suddenly felt the need to smoke and instinctively reached in his pocket, but only found an empty pack. He made an annoyed sound. How was he supposed to face Buffy without calming his nerves first?

"Mr. Spike?"

He looked down at the child. "Yes Nibblet?"

"Are you mad at me?"

"No, I'm not mad at you."

"You sound mad."

"I'm not mad. I'm just… frustrated."

"What's frus-ter-rated?"

"It means that I'm… tired." She sure asked a lot of questions, he thought.

"Am I making you frus-ter-rated?"

"No little bit."

"Then what is it?"

He stopped walking and looked down at her. "It's…" he searched for something to offer to the little girl. "…my pants."

She glanced from his face to his pants and back again.

"Pants?"

"Uhh yeah." It was a stupid response and he knew it, but she seemed to except it. "Now c'mon. We need to get a move on."

He started walking and she didn't follow at first. Then she came running up beside him and surprised him by grabbing his hand. He looked at it strangely. It had been a while since anyone had held his hand. Though, strange as it was, he didn't pull away.

Someone who didn't know them, who saw them right now, might think they were father and daughter. And that thought was enough to disturb Spike immensely.


	2. Chapter 2

**Chapter 2**

Buffy's heart stopped. A vampire.

"Oh, God. Oh, God."

"Willow? Is she… is she alive?" Dawn asked.

"Yes, she is. If she wasn't the light would be red. It's blue."

"We have to hurry," Buffy said, running out the door.

Dawn followed after her, but couldn't catch up. The slayer was running at full speed, and she didn't stop until she reached the street Willow said her daughter was on. She looked around, but she didn't see anyone. Thoughts that she was trying to keep out kept flooding her brain. A demon had her baby, and she was probably so scared.

* * *

"Mr. Spike?"

"Yes Nibblet?"

"Why do you keep calling me Nibb-let?"

"It's a nick-name."

"Oh. My mommy calls me princess."

Spike smiled in spite of the situation. He could see Buffy tucking the little girl into bed at night, the little girl that was still holding onto his hand. For whatever reason, she seemed to trust him.

"Do you know my mommy?" she asked.

"Yeah, we knew each other a long time ago, before you were born."

"Oh. Did you know my daddy?"

"No. I don't think so."

"Mommy says he went to Eng-a-land. I don't know where that is, but it's far away."

"How old are you, Bit?" Spike asked.

"This many," she said holding up four fingers.

He nodded. If she was only four years old there was almost no way he would know her father.

"But my birthday is in this many weeks." She now held up three fingers, and he nodded.

"How old are you?" she asked him.

"158."

"That's really old."

"Tell me about it."

"Tell you about what?"

"Nothing, Pet."

They walked another few feet before she spoke again.

The little girl yawned and rubbed her eyes. Spike was about to ask her if she was tired, but she spoke before he had the chance.

"Are you a daddy?"

"What?" he asked her, not quite sure he'd understood her question.

"Are you a daddy?" she asked again.

"No."

"Why not?"

"I can't have kids."

"Why?"

Spike sighed. What was he suppose to tell her? He couldn't very well tell her he was a vampire; it might scare the poor girl. "Because…"

A feeling suddenly came over Spike and he stopped. Buffy. She was close. Years of distance had not changed the one simple fact that the slayer had become something to him, something he knew he could never be completely rid of no matter how hard he tried.

"What are you doing?" Camilla asked the man who had stopped walking beside her.

"Come on," he told her, pulling slightly on her hand as they rounded the corner.

When he saw the woman standing there, looking ready to kill something, he concluded that he had been right. She was still just as beautiful as she had once been with her slightly tanned skin and shampoo commercial hair. If he had any, Spike was sure his breath would have caught in his throat at the sight of her.

"Mommy," the little girl shouted when she finally noticed what Spike was looking at. She let go of Spike's hand and ran towards her mother.

Buffy's head turned so quickly that she heard a crack in her neck. She saw Camilla running towards her and was overwhelmed with a sense of joy, relief and a slight bit of anger. Despite this, she managed to run to the little girl and pulled her into her arms. She hugged her tight and kissed her head.

"Sweetheart, where have you been? Are you okay? Don't you ever run off like that again." She pulled back from the girl and looked her over, checking for injuries.

"I'm fine, mommy. Mr. Spike took care of me. He scared off the monster."

Buffy couldn't quite comprehend what her daughter was saying. She was just so glad to have her back in her arms, safe. "Mr. who?"

"Spike. He's right there," Camilla said pointing behind her.

Buffy looked over her daughter's small shoulder and her mouth dropped open a bit. Standing about ten feet behind her was Spike. The one and only.

"Mommy?" The little girl noticed how her mother was looking at Spike. "Are you okay?"

Buffy shook her head. "Yes. I'm fine," she said looking back at the girl. "I was just worried about you."

"I'm okay. But Mr. Spike is frus-ter-rated cause of his pants."

Buffy looked to him curiously. Their eyes locked for a moment, but she forced herself to look away. It had been so long since she'd last laid eyes on him, and he still looked the same. Though, he was a vampire after all.

"Are you sure you're not hurt?" Buffy asked her daughter who gave her an annoyed look.

"Yes. Can we go now? I'm sleepy."

"Sure honey." Buffy stood up and grabbed the little girl's hand. She then risked another look at the vampire standing there. How, out of all the vampires in the world, hell, all the vampires in Los Angeles alone, had her daughter ended up with one of the only ones Buffy had ever trusted? Luck? Maybe. But there was something else tugging at the slayer, something that told her this was more than just a coincidence. She had an overwhelming urge to talk to Spike, ask him what he'd been up to. But she couldn't… wouldn't do that tonight. She needed to get her daughter home and in bed.

Spike had taken a few steps forward, wracking his brain for the right words to say to her. In the end, he decided to stick with the classic, "Hello, Buffy."

"Spike." The name sounded odd on her lips. The last time she'd actually spoken his name had been right after they'd left Sunnydale, right after he'd died to save the world, or so she'd thought at the time.

When the silence continued to drag on, Buffy felt a pull on her hand.

"Mommy," Camilla whined. "What are you doing?"

"I'm sorry, honey." She looked back to Spike. "I should really get her home."

"Course," he agreed. It had to be past her usual bedtime by now.

"Can Mr. Spike come to Auntie Dawn's with us?" Camilla asked.

"I don't think so, sweetheart…"

"Please, mommy."

"I'm sure that Mr. Spike has somewhere else to go."

"Can he just walk with us then?" She stuck her bottom lip out slightly.

She took a breath and looked at the man in question. "Okay. He can… if he wants to."

"Yay," she exclaimed running over to where Spike was standing. She grabbed his hand and pulled him towards Buffy.

"Honey, you didn't even ask him," Buffy said when they made it back to her.

"You want to walk with us, don't you, Mr. Spike?"

The look she was giving him made it hard to say no; even though he was pretty sure her mom didn't really like the idea of him tagging along.

"Uhh… sure, Nibblet"

She smiled at him and then at her mother. "That's my nickname," she said proudly. She took Buffy's hand in her other one and pulled both adults along the street.

Buffy tried hard not to look at Spike as they were walking. Her daughter really seemed to like him and she wasn't sure if that was a good thing or not. It had been close to eight years since she'd last seen him. Andrew had told her, soon after returning to Rome, that Spike was alive. She'd known something was up with him, and he'd seemed all giddy. When she found out what Andrew was unsuccessfully hiding, she hadn't wanted to believe it at first. How could Spike have been back all of that time, and not told her? She'd been angry for a while, and then a little sad. Once she'd considered going to LA to confront him, but had thought better of it. If he hadn't wanted her to even know that he was alive, then he probably hadn't wanted to see her either. And she didn't need to see him. It was time that she moved on with her life, and left her two vampire lovers in the past. But her past seemed to always catch up to her, no matter how hard she tried to get away from it. Everyone else though, seemed to be doing a fair job.

Dawn had been going to UCLA, and was graduating in the morning. She'd called to invite Buffy and Camilla to stay in her apartment for a few days, just to visit. After high school, Dawn had traveled the globe, helping the Watcher's Council, and just visiting places she had always wanted to go. She had then decided she wanted to return to the states, and go to school in California. For the last four years, she'd lived with her boyfriend in the city, visiting her sister and niece during the summer and on holidays. Her boyfriend, Eric, had proposed on their three month anniversary, and they were set to be married the next spring. They'd met soon after Dawn had moved to LA, and it had been love at first sight. He was also just what she'd needed after the break up with her boyfriend Carlos, whom she'd dated in Rome. Eric was currently staying with some of his friends, while Buffy and Camilla were staying there. Even though the slayer knew her sister was having sex, she didn't need it to happen while she was in the vicinity.

Buffy had been living in New York City for the past six years. She had wanted to move back to the states as well, but hadn't been too keen on living in California. So she'd stuck with the city, just on the other side of the country. That's where she'd met Martin. He had seemed like such a great guy, and so much different than every other guy she had ever dated, in that he wasn't older than her great grandparents. They had been dating for a little over a year when Buffy found out she was pregnant. He'd freaked and said that he couldn't raise a kid, but Buffy refused to terminate the pregnancy or give the child up for adoption, so he'd left her. Willow had moved in with her for the first few months of the child's life, to help her out with everything, but then had to get back to her own life.

She and Kennedy had broken up not too long after the battle in Sunnydale, and she'd gone to England to help Giles get the council set back up. For the past eight years, that's where she had been. Dawn had asked her to come along to the graduation ceremony, as well as Xander and Giles. The two men were set to arrive in the morning.

The current situation was even more awkward for Spike. He barely knew this little girl, and didn't know anything about Buffy anymore. He didn't know what they were doing in the city, or when they would be leaving. The thought crossed his mind that this could be the reason he had come to the city in the first place. Maybe the powers that be had brought him here to save this little girl. But why? Was he really meant to be reunited with the Scoobys after all this time?

Years of lying low, hiding from the Senior Partners and whoever else might be after him, had taken its toll on Spike. He secretly longed for a life, even the pathetic one he'd had in Sunnyhell. At least there he'd had a place to live and a constant supply of demons to kill. He didn't even watch TV much anymore and with slayers everywhere he turned, he not only came across less and less creatures, but also had to watch his own back. Some of the slayers knew him by now and others knew of him, but some still didn't care that he'd helped save the world a couple of times, he was still undead, and therefore could not be trusted. At least he'd always known where he stood with Buffy and her friends, even if it was outside in a lightning storm.

They didn't actually speak much on the way back to Buffy's hotel. She'd called Dawn and Willow to let them know she'd found Camilla and that they'd be back soon. The rest of the walk had consisted of little girl chatter about Barbies and unicorns. When they finally reached Dawn's apartment building, Camilla was all but sleep walking. Buffy lifted the child into her arms.

"Thanks for walking us home," Buffy said. "And thank you, for keeping her safe."

"It was nothing."

"No. It's everything. Spike, you don't know what I would've done if… something had happened to her."

"I don't think you need to worry too much about that; she can handle herself pretty well."

"Maybe, but she's still a little girl. And even though she thinks she's as big as I am, she needs someone to look out for her."

He nodded.

Silence overtook them again, and they both shifted uncomfortably.

"Okay, well… I should probably get her inside."

"Right."

"Would you uhh… like to come in?" Buffy asked before she could stop herself. She knew she should be more cautious, it had been so long since she'd seen him, but her curiosity was getting the better of her, and she couldn't let him get away just yet. He could, as far as she knew, be leaving town tonight. She might never have an opportunity to ask him about what had happened to him, about… things, things she needed desperately to know, if only to receive some sort of closure.

She also knew that Dawn and Willow wouldn't be there. During their phone conversation, Dawn had informed her sister that she and Willow were going over to the witch's hotel to get her things. The younger Summers had decided Willow should just stay with her as well, just in case they had any more incidents, and so they could spend more time catching up before everyone had to get back to their lives.

He knew he should have said no, made up some lame excuse about needing to be somewhere, but he couldn't. Instead he answered with a 'sure'. They made their way into the building and up the stairs. Once in the apartment, Buffy nodded towards the couch.

"I'm just gonna go put her down. I'll be right back. Make yourself at home."

Spike walked around, inspecting Dawn's apartment. She had grown up a lot since he'd last seen her, and was no longer the pesky teenager he knew, but was now a grown woman. He couldn't believe how much had changed. Spike sat down on the couch as Buffy came back out of the bedroom.

"Get her put to bed?"

"Yeah, she's out like a light. She'll be up in six hours, though. I don't see how kids do it." She sat down beside him on the couch.

Buffy wasn't sure what to say next. She had questions, tons of them. She just wasn't sure how to start.

"How've you been?" he asked before she had a chance to say anything.

"Alright, I guess. I mean I'm making it."

"Mind if I ask why you're here? In Los Angeles, I mean."

She explained about Dawn's graduation and then told him about Eric. He couldn't believe his little Nibblet was getting married. A sentiment Buffy shared.

"And what about you?" he asked.

"What about me?"

"Where has fate ended you up?"

"New York."

"Hmm," he said, skepticism evident in his voice.

"What?" she asked with a hint of a smile playing on her lips.

"Nothing. I just never pictured you as the big city type."

"To be honest, neither did I. When I first moved there, I wasn't planning on staying very long, but… things happened and…" she broke off.

Spike understood, assuming she was talking about getting pregnant. He wondered again about the father and had to stop himself from asking about the git.

Buffy decided now was a good time to shift the subject to him. "And you? What have you been up to?" It was a lame question to ask someone that you hadn't seen in a decade, especially when that someone was a vampire. Although, a decade was probably a small blimp on the radar for him.

Spike wasn't entirely sure how to answer that question. He'd been up to a lot of things, but nothing that would probably be of interest to her. Luckily, he didn't have a chance to answer because the door to the apartment opened. The couple turned as Dawn and Willow entered the door, Willow's bags in tow.

"Hey, Buffy, where's… Spike?" Dawn looked slightly shocked and confused at the same time.

Buffy stood up quickly and tried to look defiant in case either woman decided to chastise her for inviting him inside.

"You see him, too, right?" Dawn asked Willow, who nodded absently.

The truth was, Willow was the most surprised to see the vampire. The coven had told her Spike and Angel had both died in this city many years before, during a battle with the Senior Partners. She hadn't told Buffy because she didn't want to upset her. But now it seemed that at least Spike wasn't dead, or dust anyway. This would mean some major research on her part. The coven was never wrong.

Spike had taken the awkward silence as an opportunity to stand up beside Buffy. The slayer looked apologetically at him, perhaps because no one knew how to react. He knew she was regretting the decision to even let him walk them back.

"Spike," Buffy began, "is the one who found Camilla."

"Is that right?" Dawn replied, still giving the vampire the stare down. It wasn't everyday that you came home to your apartment and found a dead guy… undead guy… hanging out with your sister. At least not recently. Dawn also looked suspiciously at Buffy. Why had she invited him here? Even if he had been the one to find Camilla, it seemed odd. "That's good then, that it was Spike and not some other, less soulafied vampire."

"Yeah, what are the chances," Willow piped in.

Her suspicions did not go unnoticed by anyone. Spike, under normal circumstances, would have rushed to defend himself. But here and now, that seemed like a really bad plan. Spike could also tell that Dawn was itching to ask him a million questions and he wasn't sure that he could handle that tonight.

"I should really be going. You all have quite a day tomorrow. And congratulations, Dawn."

The younger girl smiled slightly. "Thanks," she said. "And I would invite you, but it's kinda outside, and during the day."

"S'alright," he said, making his way past the other two women to the door.

"Spike," Buffy called after him.

"Yeah?"

"We're gonna here for a few more days… I mean, if you wanna get some coffee or something."

"Sure." He was a little surprised by her question, but something inside of him did a little happy dance. Something way inside him.

"Okay. Do you have a phone or…"

"I have advanced to the 21st century, yes," he replied with a smile.

Buffy wasn't sure what she had just done, or it if was a good idea, but for some reason, she knew she had to see him again.


	3. Chapter 3

**Chapter 3**

Gaping mouths were what Buffy was left with when she closed the door and turned back around. She ignored them and proceeded to the kitchen, holding on to a small thread of hope that neither would say what she knew they both wanted to.

"What the hell was that?" Dawn asked.

Buffy sighed. "That was Spike."

"Yeah, I got that part. What was he doing here?"

"I told you. He's the one who found Camilla," she replied, opening the refrigerator and pulling out the milk.

"And he just happened to be the one that found her?" Willow asked skeptically.

"I know it seems impossible, but it's what happened." The slayer rummaged through the cabinets for a glass.

"And you're not the least bit concerned about this?"

Buffy put the glass on the counter and looked at her sister and best friend. "Of course I think it's strange. But do I think it's really him? Yes. I can't really explain it, but I just… know."

"That still doesn't explain why you're all cool with it. You have seen the guy in years, and you're acting like it was just yesterday that you two were cuddling in the basement," Dawn said.

Buffy opened the milk and poured some into her glass. "I just asked him for coffee. Maybe I'm genuinely curious about what he's been doing."

"And that's it?" Dawn wondered.

Buffy replaced the lid and put the milk back in the refrigerator. "There are things I need to know."

Both women looked at her, both assuming they knew exactly what she was talking about.

"Buffy," Willow started, "Are you sure you even want to know?"

"Yes," she replied in a voice that she hoped sounded solid and sure. Did she want to know? Of course she did. Would she regret knowing later? Possibly. "I have to know what happened to him."

"And what will that do?" Dawn asked her sister in her best concerned voice.

"I have to know." Buffy down the glass of milk and sat her glass on the counter. "We should get some rest. Big day tomorrow."

And with that, she left the two women standing in the living room staring after her.

* * *

Spike stared at himself in the mirror. He felt like a git. Buffy had called him, but not to get coffee like she'd originally said. No. She wanted him to come to Dawn's graduation dinner with them. Maybe she'd decided she didn't want to be alone with him. Or maybe Red had convinced her that it was a bad idea. Spike knew Willow was suspicious of him, for one reason or another. But he really couldn't blame her. It was a hell of a coincidence that he'd been the one to find Camilla.

Spike gave his outfit a final once over and shook his head. Dressing up was not something he enjoyed doing, black jeans and a black t-shirt being his preferred attire. At least his pants were black. The shirt he adorned was a button up, white-ish in color with thin pin stripes running down it. He sighed but grabbed his wallet, yes he had a wallet now, less for identification than just a place to keep his money, and headed for the door.

By the time he reached Dawn's apartment it was almost eight. The sun had completely descended, leaving him free to walk outside of the shadows. He knocked on the door, expecting… well he didn't really know what he was expecting.

Willow opened the door. She didn't look exceptionally thrilled to see him, but he'd been anticipating that. At least she didn't turn him into a rat on sight.

"Spike, so glad you could make it." She didn't bother giving him a smile they both knew would be fake. She was still in research mode, having contacted the coven earlier in the day. The kicker was, they hadn't been as shocked as she had to hear the news, but that was not to say they weren't concerned about it. They had simply instructed her to keep an eye on him until they got back to her.

She stepped aside to let him enter the apartment. "I'm gonna go finish getting ready. Buffy should be out soon."

Almost as soon as the witch had disappeared into one of the bedrooms, Buffy came out of the other one, Dawn right behind her.

"Spike, hey," Dawn said cheerfully. "Thanks for coming."

"Wouldn't have missed it. 'Sides, didn't I always tell you I'd take you out when you graduated?"

Dawn smiled. "Yes. I just always assumed you meant high school."

The summer when they'd spent the most time together, after Buffy died, Dawn had had a hard time adjusting to everything. She hadn't finished her sophomore year of high school, so Spike had attempted to help her catch up over the summer. He had been especially good at history and English. One night when she begged to go out instead of working on her school work, he'd promised her that when she graduated, then he'd take her wherever she wanted to go. And he'd meant anywhere. Even if it meant she'd need a passport to get there. He'd learned early on in his life as a vampire that bribery was an excellent method of getting something one wanted done, and he'd been determined to get his little nibblet into college and on to a good life. He knew that would have been what Buffy and Joyce both would have wanted.

"Take her out?" Buffy asked, with a slight edge to her voice.

"In a brotherly way of course," Dawn assured her. "He was motivating me to do well in school."

"Oh." Buffy looked at the vampire for a confirmation. The look on his face told her what she wanted to know.

Dawn just laughed as she stepped into the kitchen to grab a water from the refrigerator. Buffy motioned for Spike to have a seat on the couch, to which he complied.

"How was the graduation?" he asked her.

"It was alright; really long."

"Never been to one myself."

"You should try to avoid it at all costs."

"You know I can hear you," Dawn said.

The slayer and vampire only smiled at each other.

"I'll try and remember that," Spike said.

"Mommy, mommy, I can't find my other shoe."

Camilla entered the room, walking a bit awkward, due to the fact that she only had one shoe on. When she saw who was sitting beside her mother, her whole attitude changed.

"Mr. Spike," she yelled running up and grabbing him around the neck.

Spike was, at first, too shocked to move, and then slowly wrapped his arms around the small child.

"I'm so glad you're here."

Buffy watched as Spike hugged her daughter back. It was a strange sight, but it wasn't unpleasant. In fact, it was almost a relief that Spike and Camilla seemed to get along so well.

"Me too, Bit."

The girl finally let go of him, but didn't move away.

"Mommy said that you were going to dinner with us, and then she started talking a lot and walking around. It took her a long time to get ready."

Buffy could feel the blood rush to her cheeks as Spike looked at her.

"She kept asking me and Aunty Dawn if she looked skanky… whatever that means… but I told her she looks like a princess. Don't you think she looks like a princess, Mr. Spike?"

"Yeah, she does at that," he said with a smile in her direction.

She smiled back, still slightly embarrassed.

Another knock on the door broke the two from their gaze.

"I'll get it," Camilla yelled as she ran awkwardly towards the door. She opened it to reveal Xander and Giles, also decked out in dress slacks and button-ups.

"Uncle Xander and Grandpa Giles."

Buffy walked up behind her daughter and greeted the two men.

"Hey Cam," Xander said, "You have fun with that game I bought you?"

"Oh, yes. I made mommy and Aunty Willow play it with me like twenty times."

"And I bet they really loved that," he said with a look at Buffy, who rolled her eyes.

She motioned for them to come into the apartment.

"Didn't I tell you to tell her not to call me that?" Giles asked Buffy.

She laughed. "Sorry, Giles. You know how well she listens."

"Spike, I heard you were back in the land of the living. Or, so to speak," Xander said when he saw the man sitting on the couch.

"Miss me?" Spike asked with a smirk.

"I wouldn't go that far. Nice duds you got there. You look almost human."

"Thanks, mate," he replied.

"So, where is Willow?" Xander asked Buffy.

"She's in the back, changing."

He nodded and sat down, pulling Cam on his lap.

"Did you get Dawn to play your new game with you earlier?" he asked her.

"No. Aunty Dawn and Mr. Eric were in her room," Camilla told him, "She said they needed some grown-up time. I don't know what that means and no one will tell me."

"I'll tell you... someday."

"That's what mommy said, too."

"And I will tell you… in twenty years," Buffy told her.

"That's a long time."

"Passes by quicker than you think, Nibblit."

"And he would know," Xander added. "He's like 200 and something now."

Camilla looked questioningly at Spike. "That's not what you said."

"It's close."

"You're still really old. But not as old as Grandpa Giles, right mommy?"

Giles sent a glare in Buffy's direction, and she gave him a fake smile.

"Of course not, sweetheart."

"But the other day you said he was the oldest man alive."

"No…," she looked at Giles, "… no… I said he was the boldest… uh… man alive." She tried another smile, but he only narrowed his eyes at her.

"No you didn't."

"Xander, why don't you and Cam go see what's keeping Willow."

"Yeah, let's do that." He took the little girl's hand and led her out of the room.

"Kids… they say the darnedest things," Buffy told Giles, who still looked rather offended by the whole thing.

"Don't take it personally, Giles," Dawn said. "You should hear what Buffy says about me."

The slayer sat down on the couch beside Spike. "I really need to watch what I say around her."

"So it seems, Pet."

A few moments later, Willow came into the room, followed by Xander and Camilla.

"We found her," the young girl exclaimed.

"Great."

"Are we ready?" Willow asked.

"I think we are," Dawn said.

"Where's Eric?" Buffy asked her sister.

"He's meeting us there. He had to take care of some stuff."

"Okay then, I guess we can head out."

The gang grabbed their coats and Buffy put Camilla's other shoe, which had been under the coffee table, on her foot. After she got her shoes on, Camilla went and stood beside Giles.

"How old _are_ you, Grandpa Giles?"

"Old enough to know better than to ask questions like that," he replied.

"Aunty Dawn said you were over the hill, and my friend Katy said that means really old."

Dawn coughed and started out the door. "Dinner anyone?"

* * *

"That was probably one of the best dinners I have ever had."

"You're only saying that because you didn't have to pay for it," Eric said as he kissed his girlfriend.

"That's not the only reason I'm saying it."

"Right."

"Well, I for one, agree with Dawnie," Xander said. "It was delicious."

"Can I take my shoes off now?" Camilla asked Buffy.

"No, honey. Wait until we get back."

"But they hurt my feet and I'm tired of walking."

"Maybe I can help you with that," Eric said bending down. "How about a piggy back ride?"

"Yes yes," she exclaimed.

She ran around and jumped onto his back. He stood back up, grabbing her legs, and they started walking again.

"Look, mommy. I'm taller than you."

"I see." Buffy smiled at her daughter's excitement. She missed the days when piggy back rides could make her that happy.

Willow hooked her arm in Xander's. "How've you been? I can't believe it's been so long since I've seen you."

"I know. You really need to come to Africa more often."

"Or maybe you should come to England."

"Maybe I will. After all, now that Naomi and I broke up, I don't really have much of a reason to stay there."

"And we could always use some help at Slayer Central. You know I always said you should be a watcher."

"I don't know about all of that, but I do miss seeing you."

She gave him a sideways hug. "Who wouldn't miss seeing me?"

Giles was up ahead, talking with Dawn about her future, whilst Eric was sort of galloping with Camilla on his back. A few feet away from everyone else, a certain vampire and slayer were having a conversation of their own.

"I don't know, though. I mean, do you really think a person of her size could throw a demon that far?" Buffy asked.

"People have thought similar things about you, luv."

He had a point. It used to always bug her when demons and even regular people would joke about her size, saying that she probably couldn't even smush a fly. She would always have to defend herself, or hit them to show just how wrong they were.

"Okay. So maybe she can, but I just don't see Bat Girl as being the next big super hero."

"You never know."

She laughed, amused by his interest in such pointless things. She glanced over at him and saw that he had his hands in his pockets. His hair really stood out from what he was wearing. It looked a little out of place, and yet she couldn't imagine him without it.

"You really do look great, Spike. It's actually a little weird how well you pull off such a polished look."

He laughed lightly. "Thanks, Slayer, but don't get used to it. This was a one time deal."

"Shame." She smiled at him.

It was strange how she'd adjusted to his presence. She'd run into him yesterday, and she was already used to him being around. Of course, that only meant that it would be harder when she and Camilla had to go back to New York.

"Well, here we are, ladies," Xander announced when they were back in front of Dawn's building.

"You guys headed back to your hotel?" Buffy asked him.

"Yeah. I think the G-man and me are gonna head back and catch some shut eye. But we'll see you at the airport in the morning."

Everyone said their goodbyes to them and then to Eric, who decided he should let Dawn spend the night with her sister since she was leaving the next day. Spike was going to leave as well, when Camilla grabbed his hand and pulled him towards the door.

"Come in, Mr. Spike. I have to show you something."

"Alright, Bit."

The three women followed them into the building. Once they were inside the apartment, Camilla pulled Spike into the bedroom she had been sleeping in, and proceeded to show him every toy she had brought with her to L.A.

"And this is my most favoritist toy in the world." She held up a doll. "Her name is Sasha. Isn't she pretty?"

"Lovely."

"I got her for my birthday last year. My next birthday is almost here, and then I will be five, and then I can go to school."

"Wow," he said, trying to sound as enthused as she was.

Buffy entered the room and stood leaning against the doorway.

"Mr. Spike, are you gonna come to my birthday party?"

"I don't know, Bit. You're leaving tomorrow."

"But can't you come with us?"

"I don't think so."

"Why not?"

Honestly, he didn't know. There was really no reason that he _couldn't_ go, except for Buffy. She probably wouldn't want him to go, despite the fact that they had had a nice evening together.

"Well I…"

"Please."

Spike looked to Buffy for some help.

"It's up to you, Spike."

Up to him? What did that mean? Was that her way of telling him that she wanted him to come, or was she trying to let him know that she didn't want him to come, and she just wanted him to seem like the bad guy in the situation? One thing was for certain; he may live another thousand years and never understand women.

"I'll think about it, Bit."

"Don't think too hard. Aunty Dawn says that if you think too hard your head will explode."

"Okay. I won't think too hard." He stood up. "I should probably go. You two need to get to bed."

"Goodnight, Mr. Spike. I really hope you come with us," Camilla said, hugging his legs. And then she jumped into the bed.

Buffy informed her she'd be back to tuck her in and followed Spike into the living room.

"What did you mean in there?" Spike asked, facing the woman he was speaking to. "About New York."

Buffy swallowed. What _had_ she meant? The words had left her mouth before she had time to really even think about them. Maybe it was her subconscious desire to find out what had happened in L.A. all those years ago. When Dawn had insisted Spike join them for dinner, Buffy had been a slight bit relieved. This way he wouldn't get the wrong idea about her asking him for coffee, but being with a crowd of people also meant she hadn't gotten a chance to ask him what she really wanted to know. Instead they had ended up in a discussion on the future of super heroes.

"I… I'm not sure what I meant. It just came out. Like word vomit." She cringed at her own choice of words.

He studied her expression, trying to decipher it. He could easily pack up his things and go with them. He had no other permanent future plans at the moment. But going across the country with the slayer and her daughter seemed extreme after so many years of not seeing her.

"It doesn't have to be a permanent thing. There are a lot of hotels near where we live," she babbled. "And I could always use an extra hand on patrol." That wasn't technically true, but how could she tell him the truth about why she wanted him to go when she wasn't even sure what the truth was.

Dawn picked possibly the best time to enter the room. "Sorry, am I interrupting?" she asked when she saw they were looking at her.

"No," they both responded almost immediately.

"Ooookay," she said, clearly not accepting the answer. "Are you leaving, Spike?" she asked approaching them.

He nodded a yes, unsure about where he was actually leaving to.

"Well, it was good to see you again. And thank you for dinner." She gave him a hug and he returned it.

"It was good to see you, Nibblet."

"Are you sticking around the city?"

Spike's gaze settled briefly on Buffy, who was giving him an inquiring look.

"I'm not sure," he told Dawn.

"Well, if you do we'll have to get together sometime. Really catch up."

"Course," he said with a smile. "I should head out now. Give you time with your sis."

Dawn gave him a final hug before leaving the room once more. She wasn't sure what all was going through Buffy's mind at the moment, but she would make sure to find out before her sister left the city.

Spike made a move for the door.

"Our plane leaves at nine… if you… decide to come," Buffy said, causing him to turn around.

She was still wearing an unreadable expression.

He nodded. "Maybe I'll see you."

Not knowing what else to say, Spike said goodbye to her and headed back to his hotel. He had a lot to think about.

* * *

"We better get Mr. Spike a ticket. I want him to sit next to me on the airplane."

"We don't even know if he's coming," Buffy said to her daughter.

"He is."

She sounded very confident, and Buffy began to worry that she would be disappointed. "Just don't get your hopes up, Cam."

The little girl crinkled her nose. "You do want him to come with us, don't you mommy?"

Buffy looked down at her daughter, but didn't know how to respond. _Did_ she want him to come? That question had been plaguing her since he'd left the apartment. She couldn't necessarily answer that. However, there was still so much that she'd wanted to ask him, so much she needed answered. But could she really ask him to travel to New York just so she could play 20 questions with him about the past? And once he found out what she wanted so desperately to know, would he still act so friendly towards her?

She also felt a tugging at the back of her mind. Could there possibly be another reason she'd felt the need to give him an open invitation to go with them? No, she reassured herself. It was simply curiosity. That and the fact that he'd stated he had no set plans for his future.

"Mommy?" Camilla said, pulling the slayer out of her thoughts.

"What, sweetheart?"

"Don't you want Mr. Spike to come with us?"

Buffy took a breath and looked out the apartment window at the night sky.

"Yeah, I think I do."

* * *

Spike entered the hotel room and fell down on the bed. He really needed to decide what to do. Buffy's daughter wanted him to move to New York with her and her mother. So the question was, should he go? He hadn't been able to tell whether Buffy really wanted him to come or not.

In the few hours they had spent time together the past two days, it had seemed like she really liked being around him again, but was that enough for him to move across the country for her? 'Yes,' his inner voice said. 'It's more than enough.' And honestly, he had nothing else to do. He had no real reason to stay in L.A., and the little bit really wanted him to go.

On the other hand, it could make things complicated between him and the slayer. They had gotten along pretty well, sure, but he knew that in the long run nothing would ever happen between them. He was a vampire, and that meant he could never give her the kind of life that she wanted or needed. And there was no way he could be a father figure for the girl.

Spike inwardly cursed himself for even thinking such thoughts. In no way had Buffy insinuated she wanted anything from him, especially not a new daddy for her child. She'd probably sock him for even daring to think about that. And in the off chance that she did actually want him to come with them, he was sure it had nothing to do with being with him in any way.

To stay or to go?

He wasn't exactly sure what the right thing was, but he was bound and determined to figure it out before the night was over.

* * *

"I still can't believe you asked him to go with you," Dawn said.

They were standing in the front lobby of LAX. Willow and Xander had taken Camilla to get some ice cream. Eric was seated next to Giles nearby, talking to him about advancements in technology. They shared the same sentiment about books. The kind you could hold in your hands. That left the two sisters to talk… not something Buffy was especially keen on doing.

"I didn't ask him. Camilla did."

Dawn gave her sister a pointed look. "And then you all but told him you wanted him to come."

"No I didn't. I told him that it was his decision."

"Which wasn't an 'I don't want you to come'."

Buffy sighed and looked around the lobby. It wasn't that she'd expected Spike to come, but Camilla had insisted they buy him a plane ticket to ensure that he would be seated next to her on the flight. She was really excited about him coming to her birthday party. Buffy couldn't help but hope that he showed up, for her daughter's sake of course. Even if Spike only came to New York until the birthday party and then left, that would give her plenty of time to talk to him alone and hopefully find out some things.

"He'll show," Dawn said before walking over to sit with Giles and Eric. "He'd better show," she said quietly.

"Maybe it would be for the best if he didn't," Giles replied.

Since receiving the call from Dawn informing him that Spike had shown up on her doorstep, Giles had found himself fretting about the whole situation. It wasn't that he didn't think Spike was Spike. In fact, he was almost positive he was. What bothered the former watcher was how quickly Buffy had taken up with him. It was one thing to run into someone you hadn't seen in a while and invite them to a group dinner to catch up. It was another entirely to then ask that person to move in with you after two days. Giles knew Buffy held a soft spot for the vampire, something he'd never quite understood. Even after everything the two of them had put the other through; they still cared for each other. That much was obvious. And that was not good.

Giles knew that Buffy was in no position to have a man as unstable as Spike thrown back into her life. She had adjusted to single parenthood well, but he knew his slayer was lonely. He'd even heard Dawn talk about her going on dates with a man she'd met at work. He honestly hoped she could find someone to fall in love with, to help her raise her child. Someone who was not a vampire.

She'd done her best to convince him that she had no intention of getting back together with Spike, but he feared that even if she was in fact head strong against it, that her feelings would get the better of her one way or another. And he didn't want any more risk being brought on his self-proclaimed granddaughter. Though being considered a grandpa made Giles feel old, he still loved the little girl with all his heart and knew that he would do anything for her. Including staking any of her mother's potential love interests if it became necessary.

"Oh, Giles please. You know as well as I do that no one can keep Buffy away from what she wants."

The older man sighed. Dawn had an excellent point. Buffy would do what she wanted, no matter if it seemed logical or not. And whether or not he or anyone else agreed with it.

"So you think she's still in love with him?" Eric asked.

Giles made a face and Dawn shrugged. "Only time will tell."

"If he shows," Eric said.

"Oh, he'll show," Dawn said again.

* * *

Buffy fiddled with the zipper on her jacket. The more time passed, the more nervous she became. It was almost time to leave, and Spike wasn't here. Why she was letting herself get so worked up over this? She glanced over at Camilla, who was sitting beside Xander, eating ice cream. She'd really gotten her hopes up that Spike would sit next to her on the plane and come to her party and be her new bestest friend.

He'd better show up…or she'd kick his ass.

"Buffy, I think we should go ahead and check our luggage. The flight leaves in less than an hour," Willow was saying.

Buffy knew she was right. The time for waiting on Spike was nearly over. There was still a chance he could make it before the plane took off, but getting through security might be his undoing.

"Alright, let's go."

"But Mr. Spike's not here yet, mommy," Camilla pouted.

"I know, sweetie, but we can't wait any longer for him. We'll miss our flight."

Camilla continued to pout into her ice cream.

"I love you guys. Thanks for coming," Dawn told the five people about to board a plane to New York.

Willow and Giles, both headed back to England, were catching a layover in the city. Xander had another two layovers ahead of him before getting back to South Africa.

"Anytime, Dawnie," Xander told her, giving her a hug. "You just better send us invitations to that wedding."

"Oh, don't worry. You'll get one."

Dawn took turns hugging everyone else, as they all said their goodbyes to her and Eric.

"I'll see you all soon, I promise."

Buffy gave her sister one last hug, before grabbing Camilla's hand. She cast another look around the room.

'I guess he's not coming,' she thought to herself.

They got in the line to check in their luggage. Only a few hours, and Buffy and Camilla would be back home, back to their life.

"Buffy."

At the sound of her sister's voice, the slayer turned around. The girl was jumping excitedly and pointing. Buffy followed her finger and soon saw what, or who rather, she was pointing to. A smile appeared on her face as she saw him walking towards her. He had only a single duffel bag with him, decked out in his usual black attire.

"I thought you weren't coming," was what she said when he reached her.

Before he could get a word out, Camilla had his legs locked in a death grip.

"I knew you would come. I knew it."

"You were right, Bit. Couldn't pass up that party, now could I?"

The little girl smiled from ear to ear. "It will be the bestest birthday party ever! We're gonna have cake and cookies and pizza and juice and people are gonna bring me stuff…"

She continued to ramble on as they checked their bags and made their way through security. By the time they reached their terminal, Spike had received the 411 on all things related to clowns, magicians, and balloon animals. And he could only smile at the child that he was growing more and more fond of everyday, still unsure if that was a good thing or not.


	4. Chapter 4

**Chapter 4**

"This is it?"

"Don't hold back."

"Sorry, I didn't mean that the way it sounded. It's nice, really."

Spike shook his head. "Do me fine. It's a lot nicer than most of the places I've lived."

Buffy and Camilla were visiting Spike's new apartment. He had managed to find one only a few blocks from where the two of them currently resided. It was rather small, but was all he could afford on his current salary of nothing.

It had been almost a week since he'd made the life altering decision to move to New York with the slayer and her daughter. In that time, he had only seen them once before today. Buffy had been catching up on work all week and Camilla had been at day care. But the time alone _had_ given him the opportunity to find a place to stay. When they'd first arrived, Buffy insisted he could stay on her couch until he found somewhere else to go, but he hadn't thought that was such a good idea. Instead he'd stayed at a motel near the airport. That is, until yesterday.

"I like it," Camilla said coming around her mother. "It's like a doll house… only a little bigger."

"Thanks, Bit," Spike said with a small laugh.

"You're welcome, Mr. Spike." The little girl went skipping into the back of the apartment.

"Well, at least someone likes it," Spike said.

"I never said I didn't like it."

Spike sat down on his couch and Buffy took a seat beside him. She looked over at him and noticed he seemed to be deep in thought about something. She decided to take this time to say something that had been on her mind.

"I know I've already said this once or twice, but I'm glad that you decided to come with us. And Camilla is happy, too. She can't wait for her birthday party. She wants all of her friends to meet you. She really likes you."

"Perhaps it's my boyish charm," he said rather sarcastically.

"I know that's why I liked you," she replied.

He cast a look in her direction. "Is that right?"

"Uhuh. You just always seemed so sweet and innocent. I couldn't resist."

He laughed lightly. "Innocent my ass."

"Oh, you don't think so?"

"Sure, Slayer. I was the epitome of innocence. Never had a dirty thought in my life."

"We both know that's not true," she said, more to herself than to him.

After the words left her mouth though, she wished she could take them back. Bringing up the past was not something she wanted to do. And it was definitely not part of the 'make Spike my new BFF plan she'd developed. He had decided to get an apartment, which meant he'd decided to stay in New York for a while. And whilst she was enjoying his company almost as much as Camilla was, she wanted to make sure they were on the same page about things. They were friends and that was it. And bringing up their past sexual relationship was not adding to a friendly environment. And the way he was looking at her… as if he were remembering…

"What's not true?" Camilla asked running back into the room, breaking the sudden tension.

"That tacos are better than pizza," Spike told her, not missing a beat. "Your mom here suggested we get tacos for dinner, but I thought we could go to that pizza place you like so much."

Her eyes widened. "Pappies' Pizza Palace? That is my favoratist restaurant. They have games. Can we please go there mommy?"

"Sure," Buffy replied, thankful Spike thought quick on his feet. She was sure that she would have rambled on about something senseless had she been the one to answer the question.

"And can I play games?"

"We'll see."

"Yay. We're going to Pappies'… we're going to Pappies'," she chanted jumping up and down. "Can we go now?"

"Yes," Spike said, getting up off the couch.

Buffy followed his lead and stood up.

"May I get some ciminin sticks too, mommy?"

"If you promise you'll eat your dinner first."

"I will, I promise."

"Let's go then, shall we?"

* * *

"Can you even eat pizza?"

"What? Yeah," he responded with a look of confusion.

"Well, you are a vampire. I didn't know if all the garlic would bother you."

He laughed lightly. "Old wives tale, luv. Truth be known, it doesn't bother most of us anymore than it bothers you."

"Oh." Well, hadn't she wasted a lot of time and money hanging that garlic on her windows?

"Some vampires are more sensitive to the smell than others, but in general, it really has no effect."

"Learn something new everyday."

"Wouldn't be worth it if you didn't."

Buffy nodded in agreement. She looked over at her daughter, who had run to the arcade as soon as they had arrived. She was watching some older kids play a combat game of sorts. How that little girl could be so entertained by such games were beyond Buffy. She then looked back at Spike. He was glancing over the menu trying to decide what suited his fancy.

She knew that everyone, with the exception of Dawn, really thought the whole idea of Spike moving back to the city with her and Camilla was insane. Sure, they accepted the fact that he was back, but they had all known he was "alive". She'd told Willow, Xander, and Dawn soon after Andrew had spilled the beans to her. When she called to confront Giles, he revealed that he already knew. She'd been upset with him for not telling her, but he'd insisted he was doing what he thought was best. Buffy was really beginning to get annoyed at everyone thinking they knew what was best for her. She knew what was best for her… most of the time.

Dawn had called Xander's phone not long after they had found Camilla. She told them Spike was in LA and that they'd better take the time on the way to the city to be unhappy and say bad things about him. She didn't want them to make a big scene in front of Camilla or Buffy. And they hadn't. They had both been pretty civil. And though Giles hadn't said two words to Spike, he had expressed his concerns to Buffy.

"_I don't think it's a good idea that he move back with you, Buffy. You haven't seen him in years. You don't know what he's like anymore."_

"_He's the same as he's always been." When she realized what she'd said, Buffy quickly amended her statement. "Since he got his soul back. And before you say anything about him killing people, you have to remember that wasn't his fault. He's not killing innocent people now."_

"_And how do you know that? You have only been around him for 24 hours, Buffy."_

"_I just know," she replied defiantly. _

"_Well, I'm glad you have that assurance because you're taking a risk here."_

"_I am well aware of that."_

"_You do realize that you're doing it again," he said with distaste._

"_What does that mean?"_

"_You are being careless about your decisions. You always have been when it comes to him."_

"_I'm not being careless, Giles. And it's not like I've forgotten he's a vampire."_

"_No, but you seem to have forgotten that vampires are the enemy."_

"_And I suppose killing them every other day of my life means I want them to be my pals," she responded sarcastically. _

_The older man sighed. "You know that's not what I mean, Buffy."_

"_Then what are you trying to say?"_

"_Spike is different…"_

"_Exactly. He's different."_

"_And that is the problem. He has some sort of hold over you, and it causes you to make irrational decisions like inviting him to live with you."_

"_I did not invite him to live with me. He's just moving to New York. He probably won't even live anywhere near me. And contrary to what everyone seems to think, this does not mean that we're getting back together. It's not like that anymore."_

"_I should hope not; for your sake and for the sake of your daughter."_

Of course she had expected as much from Giles. It was his job to play the part of the concerned parent, and he'd gotten oh-so-good at it over the years. He didn't trust her judgment when it came to Spike. And he wasn't the only one.

Xander and Willow also hadn't thought the idea of Spike moving to New York was such a good one, but had kept their complaints to a minimum for their friend's sake. The slayer had been pretty upset when she found out he was alive and they hadn't told her, and they didn't want to make things worse, now that the two were reunited. Willow had always had a sneaking suspicion that Buffy was in love with the vampire, and Xander had long since learned to stay out of her love life. Willow had received the confirmation she needed from the Coven about Spike. It seemed they had been mistaken about Spike's death and hadn't realized until years after battle Los Angeles that he was in fact still among the undead. They hadn't felt the need to inform Willow or anyone else in case they had to dispose of him their selves, but in the five years since they'd discovered his location, he hadn't been linked to anything extraordinarily suspicious.

Buffy was still a bit hurt that Spike had never cared to tell her that he hadn't died in Sunnydale. She had been debating on when would be the best time to bring the topic up. He hadn't mentioned it either. Before she had a chance to speak what was on her mind the waiter approached the table.

"What can I get for you?"

"What were you thinking?" Buffy asked Spike.

"I don't know."

"Do you wanna just get a large pepperoni and share? Camilla and I don't eat that much."

He nodded in agreement and Buffy informed the waiter that's what they would be having. He took their drink orders and left the two alone once again. Spike remained quiet and turned his eyes towards Buffy's daughter. An older boy had brought a chair for her to stand on and was letting her play a game with him. He smiled when the boy made a face and she jumped up and down with excitement. Seemed the little bit had beaten him at his own game.

Buffy's thoughts had once again drifted in the direction of curiosity at why Spike hadn't told her what had happened to him. On the plane ride from LA, they had talked a little about how he had spent the last six or so years of his life. He'd been all across the world, "sightseeing" and helping slayers when he could. He'd told her about having a run in with a real life Frankenstein and how he'd seen Oz in New Mexico with his wife. Buffy still really couldn't believe Oz was married, but Spike assured her that the girl was perfect for him.

"_She's kinda like Red, only straight."_

Apparently, he'd had quite a few adventures since Sunnydale, but during the whole course of his story, he'd left out the part about crime fighting with Angel for a year and what happened directly afterward, the two things that she most desperately wanted to hear about.

"Do you ever get the feeling your being watched?" he asked suddenly.

"Hello, slayer," she said pointing to herself, "Of course I do."

"Right. I mean by humans."

"Why?" she asked slightly confused.

"Because that broad over by the window has been eyeing me since we came in."

Buffy glanced in the direction of the window and the lady sitting there quickly looked away. She had obviously been staring.

"Maybe she thinks your hott."

"Yeah, or maybe she's a cannibal who wants to chop me into little pieces and serve me to her husband."

"I'm sure that's it," Buffy said rolling her eyes and laughing. "Or maybe she's jealous cause you're sitting with me."

"Could be. Or could be that she's jealous of me because I'm sitting with you."

"Well, I am looking quite ravishing today."

"That you are."

They both shared a little laugh, before falling back into silence. Buffy wondered if now would be a good time to have that talk with him. Here, in the middle of Pappies' Pizza.

"Spike," she said after a moment.

"Yeah?"

"I know we've been talking and joking like it's a normal everyday thing, and I like that, but… we still haven't really talked about what happened to you. After Sunnydale I mean."

Spike sighed. He knew this was coming. It was only a matter of time before she would want to know how he had managed his comeback from the dead, and more specifically, why he hadn't told her. He still wasn't sure exactly how he would explain his actions… or lack thereof… in a way that she would understand. He really had had her best interest at heart, but he supposed she wouldn't take too kindly to that.

"I was hoping you would forget about that little detail."

"Sorry to disappoint."

"What's there to tell? I died, came back, fought some evil, end of story."

"It can't be that simple."

"What can't?" Camilla asked as she jumped into her chair.

"Checkers," Buffy told her.

"It's easy, mommy," she told her. "You're just not as good as me."

Buffy smiled at her daughter's innocence. If only their conversation was as simple as playing a game of checkers. The waiter returned with the pizza, and the conversation that may have been was relinquished. Spike tried not to look at Buffy during dinner. She would be giving him that look that he knew all too well. The look that said she would eventually find out what she wanted to know. He could only hope that she would forget about it, but no matter how much he tried to convince himself she would, he knew that the conversation was far from over.

* * *

The door to Buffy's apartment swung open and she walked in carrying a grocery bag. Following close behind her was Spike and Camilla. She was on his back, but now fast asleep.

"I can't believe she begged us to get ice cream and then fell asleep."

"Think she wore herself out playing those games."

Buffy nodded. "You can go put her down if you want."

Spike carried her into the bedroom, laid her down on her bed and covered her up. He stood there a moment looking down at her. What was it about this little girl that made him feel like he needed to take care of her? Maybe it was because she was her mother's daughter.

He shook his head and walked back into the living room, and found Buffy closing the freezer door.

"She still out?"

"Like a rock."

"Good. She needs to get some rest. She's been staying up late the last week or so."

She came over and stood in front of him. "So, can we talk now?" she asked.

"What do you want to talk about?"

"I think you know what I want to talk about."

"Yeah, right."

Spike sat down on the couch and ran a hand through his hair. He really didn't want to do this now, but she seemed persistent.

"I just wanna know what happened to… you," she said, sitting down beside him.

He didn't really know where to start, so opted for the beginning.

"Well, after everything went down in ol Sunnyhell, I found myself back in LA. I guess the amulet must have been cursed or something. I think it was meant for Peaches. Whoever or whatever constructed the damn thing made it where whoever was wearing it got sucked inside."

She looked slightly confused.

"Fred tried explaining it to me once, was complicated and all that. All I know is one minute I'm burning to ashes in the hellmouth and the next I'm standing in the middle of Angel's office. Apparently, someone fished the trinket out of the hole that was Sunnydale and mailed it to him."

"Okay. You were in LA; I get that. But why did you stay?"

"For a while there I was incorporeal; a real live Casper so to speak. And what's worse, I couldn't even leave the bloody city. Every time I got close to the city limits, I would pop right back to Wolfram and Hart. I thought I was doomed to haunt the bastard forever, which wasn't as bad as you might think. Once I got my body back, the first thing I wanted to do was get out of there, and find you." He looked directly at her as he said the last part.

"So why didn't you?" she asked, trying not to let the look on his face affect her. "What changed?"

"I did. Being ghostly gave me a chance to think, and I realized that coming back to you and expecting things to be just as they were, wouldn't be fair. I figured you had moved on with your normal life, and I couldn't mess that up for you again."

"Spike, you never messed up my life. A lot of the time, you made it better."

"Yeah, when I tried to kill you and your friends, when I built a robot that looked like you, when I was relentless about a relationship that I knew was hurting both of us."

"No. When you helped me fight demons even when I treated you like shit, when you stayed and took care of my sister the summer I was gone, when you risked everything to get a soul and be a batter man, when you died to save the world."

"You're making me out to sound like a bloody saint."

"Well, that's not what I'm trying to do. I just want you to know that you meant a lot to me, and I don't want you to ever think that you messed up anything." She reached out and put a hand on his arm.

He looked down at the hand. "I'm sorry I didn't tell you. I just thought I was doing the right thing."

"I know."

He looked up and met her eyes. "I really am sorry."

"Consider yourself forgiven."

A smiled formed on his lips and he couldn't help but feel that tightness in his chest that he often felt around this woman. There was no doubt in his mind that he still loved her. And he actually found himself wondering if maybe, just maybe, they could be more than friends.

"There's just one more thing I need to ask you."

He nodded for her to go on. Buffy took a deep breath and looked away from him.

"What happened to Angel?"


	5. Chapter 5

**Chapter 5**

How did this happen? How had he gone from being the baddest of the bad to being… this?

"Would you like more tea, Mrs. Hazelnut?"

"Yes, please," Spike responded.

He was drinking make believe tea out of a tiny cup and sitting in a chair that he was sure would collapse at any moment. And to top it off, he was wearing a scarf and a hat with flowers sticking out of it.

Camilla reached over and poured him some more tea. "There you go, madam."

"Tell me again why I have to be a woman."

"Because," she said as if the answer was obvious. "Mr. Bigglesworth's sister couldn't make it."

Clearly that logic made perfect sense to her, but Spike didn't understand it at all.

Never in all his 100 and something years did Spike ever think he would be playing tea party with a four year old. It was Buffy's fault really. She'd asked him if he could stay with Camilla while she ran some errands. Apparently, her usual babysitter had other plans for the day. He assumed leaving the child at home had something to do with the up-and-coming birthday party.

"Sasha, would you like some more tea, too?" she asked the doll.

Spike assumed the doll had said yes because Camilla proceeded to pour more "tea" into its glass.

"Mrs. Hazelnut, Sasha says you look marv-e-lous today. That means pretty," she clarified.

"Well, tell Sasha she looks dashing as well."

She bent over and whispered in the doll's ear, and then put her ear to its mouth as if it were telling her a secret.

"She says thank you very much."

"You're welcome," Spike said to the doll.

It was ridiculous and he was well aware of that fact. He used to think Drusilla was insane for talking to dolls, and here he was, doing it himself. What had the world come to?

"I'm tired of playing tea-party now," Camilla announced.

Spike said a silent thank you to the powers that be.

"What should we do now?"

"How bout we watch some telly?"

"What's a telly?"

"Television… TV."

"Oh." She thought about it a moment before responding. "No. I have a better idea."

* * *

"I'm not sure you're understanding me here. I said I need ten pink, five green, and _two_ blue. Not four blue… two blue. Think you can handle that?"

"I'm not a child, Buffy," her sister complained. "And I know what kind of balloons to get."

"Just making sure. I want everything to be perfect."

"And it will be. Just relax."

"I'm trying, but you know how I am about these birthday parties. I just want her to have a good time and not worry about… stuff."

"You mean like father-type stuff?"

The lack of response to the question supported Dawn's claim.

"Buffy, how long has it been since Camilla asked about him? Trust me, she's not worried about not having a daddy to wish her a happy birthday."

"I know but…"

"No buts. Listen, Eric and I will be there at nine tomorrow morning… with balloons. So, do me a favor and get the rest of your stuff, go home, and stop worrying about it."

"Okay. You're right. I'm just gonna get the cake, and be done with it."

"That a girl."

"Yeah yeah. I'll talk to you later."

"Alright. Bye, Buffy."

She hung up the phone and looked down at her watch. 3:04. She wondered how Spike and Camilla were doing. She'd left around noon to do some last minute birthday shopping. She still had to pick up Camilla's present from the UPS store, and find someone who made a cake with the little fat mouse from Cinderella. Dawn had gotten Camilla a copy of the old movie last Christmas and she loved to watch it. And for whatever reason, her favorite character was Gus. The last few places Buffy had stopped had not had a cake like that and it was too late notice to make one. She cursed herself for not placing the order sooner, but Camilla had only decided the day before what she for sure wanted on her cake.

Two weeks had passed quickly as work had kept her busy. Her previous experience as a guidance counselor had landed her a job as a secretary at a local elementary school. It wasn't a very exciting job, but when Camilla started school next year, she would always be there to pick her up on time. Her job mostly consisted of filing, typing, and answering phones, but to her surprise, being out a week or so could really put a person behind.

But work wasn't the only thing on her mind. Besides Camilla and her birthday party, Buffy had been thinking a lot about a certain guy. A certain blonde haired, blue eyed, British, and slightly dead guy. She had only seen him a couple of times since he'd moved here, but having him around was becoming something she wanted to do more and more often.

Ever since their talk a few nights back, she'd been a little on edge around him. Asking about her other ex had put Spike in a mood, which she had known it would. Instead of getting pissed about it, though, he'd only shaken his head, as if he'd seen it coming. He'd informed her of everything he knew, which wasn't much. The last time he'd seen Captain Forehead he'd been battling a Dragon. When Spike had woken up hours… maybe days later… Angel was nowhere to be found.

Honestly, Spike assumed his grandsire had been killed in the fight, but he wasn't going to tell Buffy that. He decided that he may as well give her at least a smidgen of hope that her first love was still alive-ish out there. As much as it pained Spike to think about it, he knew the slayer had and always would love the bastard. It did put one thing to rest, however. Would he and the slayer ever be more than friends? Not as long as there was a chance Peaches could come walking through the door. And he had to face the fact that, unlikely as it was, it could happen. And it probably would, knowing his luck.

Buffy knew she'd upset him by asking about Angel, but she had to know. It wasn't as if she still held on to some false hope that they would be reunited and live happily ever after like she'd once believed, but she still wanted to know if he was alive or dead. After Spike had told her what he knew, she hadn't brought it up again.

Why she felt the need to justify herself to Spike was beyond reason. Sure they were friends, but Buffy felt like she was hurting him by talking about the other vampire, and knowing that filled her with regret. She couldn't deny that she cared for Spike, and she also couldn't deny that in those last few days in Sunnydale she'd thought a little about what a future would be like with him. But things were different now. She had a daughter and she couldn't just jump back into bed with him because he might still have feelings for her. Though the idea was a least a little tempting. Years without sex had taken its toll on her, but she would put her own needs on the backburner to those of her daughter's. She would not compromise Camilla's safety just to get her rocks off. That was what had stopped her from sleeping with the few guys she'd gone out with the past five years.

But Spike was different. He wasn't just some guy she'd met at work or at the coffee shop. He was someone from her past that had left a pretty significant mark on her life. This made him more dangerous than any of those other guys. Because having any kind of relationship with Spike would not a simple fling. No, it would be much more complicated than that. She shook her head as if to rid her brain of its current thoughts as she approached her next stop.

Buffy opened the door to practically the last grocery store in the city. If they didn't have what she was looking for, there would be hell to pay.

* * *

"Do you have the red?" Camilla asked.

Spike looked through the pile of crayons lying in front of him. When he saw the red one, he picked it up and handed it to her.

"Thanks."

"Welcome."

He looked back down at the picture in front of him. It was a bunny. He had colored it orange. Somewhere between eating smores and watching Hannah Montana, she had talked him into coloring a picture for Buffy. He wasn't a big fan of coloring or TV shows that made no sense, but anything was better than being Mrs. Hazelnut.

"I like your bunny, Mr. Spike. I think mommy will like it, too."

"You think so?"

She nodded. "She likes them. I don't like them very much. I think they're kinda scary."

"You would have gotten along well with Anya."

"Who's Anya?" she asked curiously.

"She was an old friend of your mums."

"Old like you and Grandpa Giles?"

He stifled a laugh. "Older."

"Wow."

Thinking of the ex-vengeance demon brought back thoughts of Sunnydale; the place that had in one way or another changed him in almost every way possible. The town where he had learned there was more to life… or unlife… than killing people and watching Passions. Where he'd become more than he ever thought that he could be. He'd made friends and enemies… more enemies… and even had a rather permanent home… be it a crypt or a basement.

"Do you think she will like my froggie?"

Her question pulled him back from his trip down memory lane. "I think she will love your… froggie."

"Me too. I really hope she does anyway. Cause it's my birthday tomorrow, and mommy always gives me the bestest present and so I want to give her something, too. She always seems sad on my birthday."

Spike wondered why it was that Buffy could be sad on her daughter's birthday. It meant the little rascal had made it another year without driving her completely mad. He wondered if it had something to do with the girl's father. She hadn't mentioned him at all, and Spike was starting to think something bad had happened to the man.

The door handle jiggled and the door to the apartment opened.

"Mommy's home." Camilla jumped up and ran to the door to greet Buffy as she came in.

She was carrying a couple dozen bags and Spike went to help her. Camilla went back in the living room so she wouldn't cause an accident with the groceries… again. After all the groceries had been placed safely on the counter, Buffy began unpacking them.

"Did you two have fun today?" she asked.

"Yes we did," Camilla said running back into the kitchen. "Look what we made for you, mommy." She held up the two pictures.

"Those are great. Did you teach Spike how to color between the lines?" she asked, casting a look at the vampire.

"Yes. He was not a very good colorer, but I showed him how to do it properly." She looked proud of herself. "And we also watched TV and ate snacks, and had a tea party."

At the mention of tea party, Buffy looked back at Spike. He was making a face that made her smile.

"I colored you a froggie because I like them and last time we went to the park and saw some, you said you liked them."

"Well, I'm glad you colored me a froggie. Here, let me put it on the refrigerator." Buffy took the picture from her hand and stuck it beside a photograph of the two of them at the beach.

"Do you want to put Mr. Spike's picture up there, too? It's a bunny… cept I don't think he knows what bunnies really look like cause he colored it orange."

"Sure," Buffy said with a laugh. She took the other picture and placed it on the refrigerator as well.

"I think they look great, don't you, Mr. Spike?"

"Just lovely, Bit."

She smiled brightly and then turned and started to leave the room.

"I'm gonna go watch cartoons so you two can have grownup time," she told them causing Buffy to cough.

"What?"

"Aunty Dawn told me that all grownups need grownup time or else they get grumpy and I don't want you to be grumpy cause it's my birthday tomorrow."

"Right."

And with a final grin she left the room.

"I'm gonna give Dawn some grownup time when she gets here," Buffy said.

"Now, now, pet. I'm sure she didn't mean anything by it."

"I'm sure she had the best of intentions in telling my daughter to let her and Eric be alone for a few hours."

Spike smiled at her.

"Though I suppose at least she didn't tell her what they were really doing."

"That would be an interesting conversation."

"One which I don't plan on having with her for many many years."

She had begun putting her items in the refrigerator and cabinet. Spike was leaning against the counter.

"You get a lot done today?" he asked.

"Well, I visited every grocery store in the city until I found one with the kind of cake she wanted. I thought I would never find it."

"Where is it?"

"Oh, I left it with Krista. She lives next door. I didn't want Cam to see it until tomorrow."

He nodded. "Took a while to find, huh?"

"Yeah it did. And then lest we forget the, nearly impossible to find, green polka dotted candles. Sometimes I don't even know where she sees things."

"That's kids for you."

"Let's see… what else did I do? I bought ice cream, chips, and drinks. I'm gonna order pizza so I don't have to worry about that. And then, I almost got hit by a taxi trying to cross the street and get to the UPS store."

"Sounds exciting."

"Very. And I love fighting New York traffic. But it's worth it to see the look on her face when she sees it all. I got decorations and Dawn's supposed to be bringing balloons. I hope she likes it."

"She'll love it."

"She's invited every kid in her class."

"Ah, yes; a party with twenty little girls and boys running around and eating sugar. I can't wait," Spike said sarcastically.

"Me neither."

Buffy placed the last of her groceries in their appropriate place before taking a seat on the sofa. Spike followed suit and sat down beside her.

"By the way, thanks for watching her today."

"Anytime. Besides, I had fun."

"Playing tea party?"

"Okay, so some of it wasn't so great."

"Did she make you wear the hat?"

Spike bowed his head in mock shame, and Buffy laughed.

"Don't worry. She does that to everyone. She made Giles wear heels once."

"Sorry I missed that."

"I have pictures."

Silence then overtook the couple, both lost in separate thoughts about Giles in heels.

"Suppose I should get going," Spike said after a moment.

"Why? I mean… you don't have to go. Unless you have things you need to do."

He raised an eyebrow at her. Was she hinting that she wanted him to stay? And if she was… why? He'd assumed after their talk about Tall, Dark and Broody that she didn't want to talk any more about the past. So what then? Did she want to, what was the word? Hang?

"I suppose I could stick around for a little while."

"Great."

Silence reigned once again, and Buffy tapped her fingers on her legs.

"So… how's your place doing?" she asked him.

Spike looked at her strangely. "It's fine. Same as last you saw it."

She nodded. "Yeah, I remember. I also recall not staying there long because I felt claustrophobic."

"Ha, bloody, ha. I happen to think it is a decent sized apartment."

Buffy laughed. "You know I'm just giving you a hard time, right? I'm glad you live close by. Now you can come over and baby-sit anytime."

"I don't see why either of you want me around. I'm not exactly a good influence."

"We have our reasons."

He gave her a questioning look. "Why's that then?"

Buffy stared straight ahead as she tried to think of an answer to offer him. Why indeed? Her earlier inner contemplations rushed back into her mind. Why had she really wanted him to come to New York? Why did she enjoy his company so much? Why did she trust him with her daughter? A lot of time had passed since they had lived together in Sunnydale, yet it seemed like it was only yesterday that she was sneaking over to his crypt to patrol and do… other things. 'Bad Buffy,' she inwardly scolded herself for once again thinking about the vampire next to her in a more than friendly way.

"Camilla really likes you," she told him.

"Do you like me?"

His question surprised her but she managed a quick response. "Sometimes."

This caused a slight smile to appear on both of their faces.

"But you like having a babysitter."

"And having someone to talk to who doesn't think Barney's a real dinosaur."

"He's not?"

Buffy laughed lightly at his joke and then looked at him sincerely. "I'm glad you were the one to find her."

"Me too."

Buffy couldn't help but wonder if fate had sent him to her; sent him to help her, and ease her load. Maybe they were meant to run into each other in Los Angeles, and maybe he was supposed to come back to New York with her and her daughter. Maybe…

"I've missed you, Slayer," he said after a moment.

"I missed you, too," she replied honestly, not having realized until that exact moment how true that was.

He looked over at her then, and his blue eyes seemed to bore into her green ones. Despite her internal ramblings and rational thinking process, she couldn't help but feel an urge, if ever so small, to move closer to him… touch him… kiss him. She managed to resist doing all of those things, but still couldn't look away from him. They both seemed frozen in place.

"NO!"

At the sound of the scream they practically jumped back from each other, though they were still sitting a foot apart on the couch. A loud crash was heard from Camilla's room.

"Cam," Buffy said loudly, looking away from Spike.

"I'm okay," she yelled back. "But I don't think Barbie's gonna make it."

Buffy shook her head. She didn't even want to know what kind of a mess Camilla had made now.

"I should really get going," Spike said suddenly. "I forgot I need to run to the butcher shop today before they close."

He didn't have to elaborate any further. She knew exactly what he needed from the butcher shop. Sometimes it was so easy to forget he was a vampire.

"Alright," she replied. "I'll see you tomorrow, at the birthday party."

"Wouldn't miss it."

She closed the door behind him as he left and leaned against it, closing her eyes. She had to stop this insanity. Wanting Spike around to be her friend was one thing, but thinking about kissing him was another. They'd only been reunited for a few weeks. It was too soon to be contemplating a relationship. After their talk about his ventures with Angel, she realized that Spike was right to have stayed away. Being with normal guys for a change had been good for her. And even though Martin had broken her heart, if it wasn't for him, she wouldn't have Camilla. But now that she did have a family, and she had tried normal guy dating…

Buffy made a face when she heard another crash from her daughter's bedroom. Sighing, she headed in that direction. She would worry about her relationship with Spike tomorrow. Right now she had to finish getting ready for the party.


	6. Chapter 6

**Chapter 6**

"I just don't think it's a good idea, Buffy."

"Well, I'm sorry that you don't think it's a good idea. Guess you should have thought about that before."

He took a step closer to her. "You know I'm right about this. It would be better for both of us."

"You mean better for you."

"Look, Buffy, I can't raise a kid. I have my career to think about."

"So, you're saying your career is more important than a child?" she asked, not believing he could really feel that way.

"Yes."

Buffy's mouth dropped open. "How can you say that?"

"When we started dating, I thought it would just be something on the side. But the more I got to know you, the more I really started to care about you. And this, what we have here, it's great. And why ruin a great thing? And you have your career to think about. You wanted to go back to school, right?"

"I cannot believe I'm hearing this," Buffy said turning away from him. How could he think that jobs and school were more important than a baby?

"You have to get rid of it."

"No, I won't do that."

"Yes you will," he told her sternly.

She turned back to face him. "No, I won't."

"You don't understand, sweetheart. I'm not asking."

"I can't believe I ever trusted you," she said as she started walking away from him.

He grabbed her arm. "Well, you did. And I know you still love me, baby. You need me, remember? You're afraid to be alone. And you don't have to be, as long as you take care of this little problem."

The look on his face made her even angrier than she already was.

"The only problem I have is you," she said pulling her arm out of his grasp.

"I won't be your only problem if you don't do as I say."

"And if I don't?" her tone was low and threatening, but he didn't seem bothered by it.

"Don't act like that." He stepped closer to her and put his hand on her cheek. "This is for the best."

She pulled back abruptly. "Go to hell."

This seemed to piss him off. "You are not gonna do this to me," he yelled.

"Watch me."

He raised his hand as if to slap her and she grabbed it.

"I'd think twice before doing that."

She bent his hand backwards, and he cringed in pain. She bent it a little further, hearing a satisfying crack before letting him go. He pulled his hand to his chest.

"You crazy bitch."

"Don't you **ever** try to hit me again."

"Oh, don't worry. I won't, because it's over. I'm outta here," he turned and headed for the front door. "You are nothing to me. And that baby is nothing to me. I want no part of it," he yelled, slamming the door behind him.

* * *

Buffy opened her eyes and sat straight up in the bed. She remembered the night Martin had left and never come back all too clearly. It had been one of the more painful events in her past. She had loved him, in a way, but worse than that, he had left her to raise a baby on her own. It had been five years since she had last seen him, and he still haunted her dreams.

She ran a hand through her hair and pushed the covers aside. A look at the clock told her that it was already after nine. Her daughter's party was supposed to start at noon and she still had to get everything ready.

"Mommy." A moment later the owner of the voice came running in the room. "It's my birthday."

"Yeah, I know."

"When is everybody coming?"

"In a little while."

The little girl looked like she was ready to bust with excitement. "What time is Mr. Spike coming?"

After the dream she'd just had, Buffy didn't want to think too much about Spike. It seemed that every relationship she'd ever had had ended badly.

"I don't know, sweetheart."

"I told-ed him to be here early cause Mina can't be here the whole time and she wanted to meet him."

"He'll be here."

She made a squeal and jumped off of the bed. "I have to take a bath," she said, running out of the room.

Buffy sighed. It was going to be a long day.

* * *

Dawn and Eric arrived early with the balloons, followed closely by Spike. They helped Buffy finish getting everything set up. Giles arrived not long after that with Willow and Xander. Camilla's friends showed up with their parents, mostly mothers, at party time. Everything was going smoothly so far.

"Bloody buggering hell," Spike said waking into the kitchen.

"What is it now?" Buffy asked, turning to look at the vampire.

The party had been going on for over an hour now, and she hadn't seen much of him. He'd been the center of attention for both the children and the moms. She had to admit that it bothered her some to see him casually flirting with some of them, but she knew he was just trying to be nice.

"That little red-headed one threw up on my shoes."

Buffy laughed and handed him a washrag. "I told you not to let him eat all that candy," she said.

"Yeah."

In all of his life and unlife, Spike had never spent this much time around kids. And as far as he could tell, they were all little soul sucking monsters from hell. Three of the little girls had followed him around most of the day, playing 20,000 questions.

'What's your name?'

'Can I try on your coat?'

'Why is your hair that color?'

'How old are you, cause Cam said you were a hundred?'

He was about ready to stake himself. He'd thought, more than once, about vamping out and scaring the crap out of the lot of them, but he figured Buffy and the other parents wouldn't appreciate that much. He'd also been avoiding Mrs. Lawson, who'd asked him her own questions. Apparently, she and her husband were separated and she was very lonely. He also suspected she was a teensy bit pissed from the smell of her.

He wiped his shoes off and threw the rag away. He started to reach for the crackers when Buffy's voice stopped him.

"Wash your hands."

He rolled his eyes, but did as she instructed. "Why are you hiding out in here anyway?" he asked.

"I'm not hiding out, I'm preparing."

"Right."

In truth, she was hiding out. She wasn't in the mood to face some of those moms that she knew would be out there. They would look at her like she was a failure for not having a husband like they did. It wasn't like it was Stepford or anything, but unmarried women in this town always dated if nothing else.

"Well, you're gonna have to get out there. Bit says it's time for cake."

"She only wants cake because it comes before presents."

"That may be true, but if those little buggers don't get cake soon… even _I'll_ be scared of the consequences."

Buffy laughed and shook her head. She picked up the cake and instructed Spike to light the candles. They then walked into the living room.

"Cake time," Buffy announced.

The children cheered.

"Happy birthday to you, happy birthday to you, happy birthday dear Cammy, happy birthday to you," everyone sang.

The little girl smiled brightly while they sang.

"Now, make a wish and blow out the candles," Buffy said.

Camilla closed her eyes and after a moment, she opened her eyes and blew out the candles. Everyone clapped.

"What did you wish for?" Buffy asked.

"I can't tell you, mommy. It won't come true."

"Oh… right of course," Buffy said with a smile, though she really was curious as to what her daughter had wished for.

She proceeded to cut the cake and hand out pieces to all of the children. After cake, Camilla opened all of her presents. She was thrilled with the dolls and movies she received, but was most excited with the gift from her mother. A Cinderella television. It had taken Buffy a long time to find one, but now all of her trouble was worth it.

"Thank you, mommy, I love it." She ran over and hugged Buffy.

"You're welcome."

Camilla then thanked everyone else for their gifts before insisting they play a game. The adults made their way around the edges of the living room while the kids played. Buffy returned to the kitchen to wash a few dishes. Spike joined her once again trying to get away from everyone.

"Spike, could you make some Kool-Aid?" Buffy asked. She noticed the bowl was running low.

"Uhh… sure."

She handed him a pitcher and a spoon. He looked at it and crinkled his forehead. He had never made the stuff before, but it couldn't be that hard now could it? The package had instructions. _Pour contents into large plastic or glass pitcher._ He opened the small packet and dumped it in the pitcher. _Add 1 cup of sugar._ He looked around but didn't see any sugar. Oh well, how important could it be? _Add cold water to make 2 quarts. Mix thoroughly. _Spike filled the container with water and placed the lid on it before shaking it.

Buffy watched in amusement while he shook the pitcher. He looked almost cute trying to make the juice, sexy even. Hell, who was she kidding? He could look sexy reading the dictionary. The dream she'd had last night suddenly made its way into her mind and her smile faded. A relationship was _not_ what she needed right now.

Spike felt a tug at his leg and looked down to see the red-headed kid pulling on his pants. He pulled back instinctively.

"What did I tell you about the shoes, mate?"

"No… we need more chips." And with that said he ran back to the living room.

He watched the kid go before turning his gaze to the slayer, who was up to her elbows in dish water. She wiped her forehead on her sleeve and looked at him.

"We need more chips," he told her.

"I can't do this." She put down the plate she was washing and dried off her hands.

"You can't get chips?" Spike asked confused.

"No, I mean I can't do this, with you," she motioned between them, "This is crazy. We haven't seen each other in years. Things aren't the same, and we can't just pick up where we left off."

He was a more than a little surprised by her outburst. Is that what she thought they were doing? Picking up where they left off? He thought briefly about informing her that if they were picking up where they left off then he wouldn't be sleeping down the block, but by her side, and immediately decided against it. Until this moment, Spike hadn't even realized she'd been thinking about him like that at all. Yes, they had been getting along well the past few weeks but neither had even made the slightest move to touch the other, much less anything else.

"I'm well aware of that, luv."

"We can't be more than friends."

"Who suggested otherwise?" He was still very confused.

"I've just been thinking about what's been going on between us lately. I mean you move all the way here after seeing me two days, you baby-sit for me, we go out for pizza, and now you're making Kool-Aid at my daughter's birthday party."

"If I recall correctly, you ask me to make the Kool-Aid, Slayer. And I didn't move here so that we could get back together."

"Then why did you?"

"Bloody hell if I know," he said, feeling his frustration building. "I s'pose it just felt right. But I don't expect anything from you, if that's what you're thinking." He took a step closer to her. "Buffy, I still have feelings for you. I think I always will. But that's not why I'm… making Kool-Aid. But if me being here makes you uncomfortable, then I'll leave."

"I don't want you to go. I just… I wanted to make sure we were on the same page."

"If you want us to be on the same page, first you're going to have to tell me what book we're reading."

"The book of friendship," Buffy replied lamely.

Despite his irritation at her bad timing, Spike felt a tugging at the corner of his mouth. "And do they carry it at the local library?"

Buffy felt a slight smile appear on her own lips. "I wish. Then we could see how it ends."

"If you knew how it would end, tomorrow wouldn't be nearly as interesting, would it?"

"No, I guess not."

Spike turned back to his Kool-Aid.

"I'm sorry," Buffy said. "For bringing it up like that. I just didn't want you to get the wrong idea."

"Don't worry, Slayer. My eyes are still clear."

Buffy thought back to when he'd last spoken those words to her. She'd been about to go on a date with Robin. They'd had an awkward run-in, literally, in the hallway and he'd tried his best to compliment her without offending her. She remembered how on egg-shells Spike had been around her almost that entire year. He seemed to be more relaxed now, but Buffy wasn't entirely sure that was a good thing.

She'd told him once that she was tired of playing games with him, tired of mixed signals and defensiveness. He'd openly admitted to her that night that he was terrified of being close to her because of how she made him feel.

And just a few moments before, he'd told her he still had feelings for her. He hadn't elaborated on those feelings, but she was almost positive, and maybe it was just a vibe she was getting from him, that his feelings were more than friendly.

She took a breath. "Can we start over? Can we just pretend that we don't have this long, complicated past, and that you're just a good friend that I enjoy spending time with?"

"Yeah, I think we could do that."

Spike didn't know how well this would work out for either of them, but he was going to give it his best shot, and hopefully that would be enough.


	7. Chapter 7

**Chapter 7**

"What was that about?" Dawn asked Buffy. She'd just seen Spike walking out of the kitchen with a solemn look on his face.

"Nothing," she replied casually.

"Nothing my ass. Look, Buffy, I know today is hard for you, but you really shouldn't take it out on him."

"I'm not taking anything out on him. I just told him that I wanted to be friends. And today is not hard for me. It's my daughter's birthday." Buffy turned away and began wiping the counter.

"And the day you last saw _him_."

The slayer paused and sighed. That was a memory that she didn't feel like re-living right now.

"That doesn't matter to me anymore."

"But it does. And I know that maybe you don't want it to, but that doesn't make it go away."

Buffy knew her sister was right. Despite her best efforts, every year on this day her mind would drift back to Martin and what he'd done and said.

"_Hello baby," Buffy said to the newborn in her arms "Welcome to the world."_

_The child looked at her with wild, curious eyes. Buffy smiled at her daughter. She still couldn't quite believe this little girl came from inside her. The miracle of life that she thought she would never get to experience. _

"_Have you picked a name yet?"_

_Buffy looked up at the owner of the voice. Her eyes widened a bit when she saw who it was. "What are you doing here?"_

"_I came to see my daughter."_

"_Excuse me? Your daughter?"_

"_Well, she is mine, isn't she? Unless you were sleeping around."_

"_Get the hell out of here, Martin."_

_But he only smiled and took a step closer. "She's cute. I think she'll look more like you. Hopefully, she'll turn out better though."_

"_Do you need something?" Buffy asked, trying not to let his words get to her._

"_Actually yes, I was hoping you might have my credit card handy. Since I'm moving to Nevada, I think I might need it."_

"_Nevada?"_

_He nodded. "Got a good job offer. Now, about the card?"_

_Buffy was furious. How dare he come to her hospital room and demand his credit card back. Did he not even care that she was holding his daughter in her arms?_

"_I don't happen to have it on me. I just had a baby so you'll forgive me for leaving my purse at home."_

_He looked at the child in her arms. "That's nice for you. I'll leave my new address and you can mail the card to me."After placing the paper on the night stand he walked to the door. "I hope you've gotten yourself some good insurance. I hear hospital stays are expensive."_

_And then he was gone… again. This time for good. Buffy couldn't help but let the tears fall from her eyes. She tried to compose herself and managed when the baby looked like she was going to cry, too._

"_Don't cry, sweetheart. Mama's okay. We're gonna be just fine. I promise. I will always take care of you." _

And she had. But the memory of him looking so cold and indifferent towards his daughter stayed with her until this day.

"Maybe I do think about it. But I'm not gonna let that bastard ruin this day for Camilla."

Dawn watched her sister head for the bathroom and wished there was something more that she could say, but knew that there wasn't. She hoped that someday she would let someone close enough to help her deal with her past.

* * *

"Bye," Dawn told Mrs. Garrett and her daughter.

The door shut and she plopped down on the couch beside Buffy.

"That's the last of them."

"I have to say, as much as I enjoy little girlie birthday parties, I'm glad this one is over," Xander said.

"You are not the only one, my friend," Eric said.

The last of the party guests had made their exit and everyone seemed glad of that fact. There was only so much of five year-olds one could take. Now they were sitting around the living room.

Camilla came running into the room and went straight for Xander.

"Uncle Xander, can you please come and hook up this TV cause Mr. Spike is no good at it, and he keeps saying ballucks… and I don't know what that means, but I don't think it's a nice word."

Xander shook his head. He knew the vampire would never admit he didn't know how to do something. "Anything for you," he said, following her into her room.

Dawn looked at Buffy. She was leaning back with her eyes closed. She was no doubt exhausted from the party and everything else. Their earlier conversation had only proven what she already knew to be true. Buffy still thought about Martin and it was clear she wasn't over what had happened so many years ago. Of course she hadn't really had another man so present in her life since then… until recently that is. Dawn looked up as said man came sulking into the living room.

"Upset cause technology eludes you?" Dawn asked.

"No, I was dong just fine until Harris butted in."

"Sure you were."

"I'm gonna head out," he told them. "I've had enough fun for one day."

His voice was dripping with sarcasm, but Dawn smiled and nodded.

"Join the club."

"You're leaving?" Buffy asked finally opening her eyes.

"Yeah, I've got things…"

In truth, he really had nothing else to do, but didn't fancy spending anymore time around Xander and Giles. They had been friendly enough towards him, but after the day he'd had, he really just wanted to get pissed and sleep.

"Did you tell Cam goodbye? Cause you know she'll be mad at you if you don't," Dawn told him.

He nodded and headed back for the bedroom.

Buffy pushed herself up off of the couch and walked into the kitchen. She poured herself a glass of water and took a drink. She heard a noise behind her and looked to see Xander standing there.

"Get that TV working?"

"I sure did."

"Now I'll just have to worry about getting her away from the thing." She placed the glass in the sink and leaned against the counter.

"Buff, I've been meaning to talk to you about something."

"What's that?" she asked.

"Well, Willow was talking to me about moving to England a few weeks ago, and I've been thinking about it. I think I'm gonna do it."

"That's great, Xander, but I have a feeling that's not all you want to tell me."

"It's not. They think I should train to be a watcher."

"Really? I think you should."

"You do?"

"Sure," she told him, "I think you would make a great watcher. You always look out for me."

He smiled. "I think I'm kind of obligated to look after you and Cam. You guys are like my family."

"Of course we are." She reached and gave him a hug. "I miss you guys. I wish I could see you all more often."

"Well you can."

"What do you mean?"

"We were sort of thinking that maybe you two could move with us."

"Xander…"

"Just hear me out. You've lived in the city for nearing seven years now, and I know you have a decent paying job, but you're always complaining about how boring it is, and Giles could get you a job at the council making more money. And Camilla would be around her family all the time, not just on birthdays and holidays. A change of scenery might be good for both of you."

After he finished his little speech he tried to study her expression. He had tried to think of any and all good reasons for her to move to England. Willow had insisted he be the one to talk to her. Since he himself was making the decision to move, maybe he stood a chance at convincing her to do the same.

"I don't know, Xander. I mean… this is Camilla's home. This is the only place she's ever known. And she has friends…"

"But she can make new ones. She's only five."

"I know, I just… I'm not sure it would be a good idea."

"Just promise me you'll think about it."

Buffy sighed. He had made some good points, but her life was here now. And she wasn't alone anymore… she had Spike. Or, she didn't _have_ have him, but he was there to help her watch out for her daughter.

"I promise."

"Thank you."

He gave her arm a squeeze and walked back into the living room. Buffy stood there with her arms crossed. Her friends wanted her to move to England. It would be nice to see them all more often. Maybe it _would_ be good for Cam to get out of New York, and she could always use more money.

"We should get going; our flight will be leaving soon," Xander said from the living room.

Buffy walked back to where her friends were all standing. "Thank you guys for coming. I know it was expensive to fly out here for a couple of hours."

"You know we wouldn't have missed it for the world," Willow said.

Buffy gave a round of hugs and waved goodbye to her friends.

"Take care of yourself," Giles told her.

"Yes dad."

He smiled despite himself before following Willow and Xander out the door.

"I'm gonna head out, too," Spike said from behind her.

She turned around to look at him. "K, I'll call you later in the week."

He followed the others out the door. She shut it behind them and looked back at Dawn, who was giving her an 'I saw that' kind of look.

"What?" Buffy asked.

"I'll call you," she said in a mocking voice.

"Shut up."

Dawn laughed. "You are so into him."

"I am not. Remember what I said about the just friends thing?"

"Uhuh."

It was clear that Dawn didn't believe her.

"I'm going to bed now," the slayer said, walking away from her nosey sister.

"So you can dream about your hunk of burning vampire?" Dawn called after her.

"Kiss my ass, Dawnie."

The younger girl laughed and sat back down on the couch. She knew that Buffy wouldn't last long with the friendship thing. It wouldn't take much time for her to realize she wanted more with him. She smiled and leaned against Eric, who had taken his place beside her on the couch.

"I really hope Buffy finds what she's been looking for," she said.

"I think she already has," Eric supplied. "She just doesn't know it yet."

"I was just thinking the same thing."

"Great minds."

She pressed her lips to his for a moment. "Have I told you how much I love you lately?"

"No, not lately."

"Well, I do. You know that right?"

He nodded. "And I know that I love you, and I can't wait to marry you."

"It's good to hear you say that."

He kissed her again, with more force than before. His hands went to her waist and hers to his face. He was about to slip one under her shirt when a voice pulled them apart abruptly.

"Auntie Dawn? What are you doing?"


	8. Chapter 8

**Chapter 8**

"It's just that… he's so perfect. I can't believe I found someone so amazing."

"He sounds great," Buffy replied.

"Oh, he is."

Buffy smiled her enthusiasm. She remembered being so excited about new relationships. "How long have you guys been together?" she asked.

"Almost a month; It's still pretty exciting. And the best part is… he's a real gentleman. He hasn't even asked to have sex yet, like most guys do."

"That's nice. They don't usually make them like that anymore."

"For real, and guys can't understand that it takes us longer to be ready. The last guy I dated broke up with me because he couldn't take it. It had been too long since he'd had sex, all of two months I think. And not that I'm an expert on the subject, but I think people can last much longer than that."

"I haven't had sex in over five years."

"Damn," the girl said. And then quickly added, "I mean… that's not so bad."

"And there's only so much you can do yourself," Buffy continued as if not hearing the girl.

"I guess," she said awkwardly.

Buffy glanced over at the young girl beside her and felt her cheeks take on a light red color. She really hadn't meant to say that out loud.

"I'm sorry. I didn't mean to say that."

"It's okay. I know it must be hard being a single mother. You worry about your kids so much you forget to worry about yourself."

"Yeah, I guess." She looked down at herself. She was wearing sweatpants and an oversized t-shirt. Nope, no worrying today.

"Well, what about that Spike guy? I mean you guys have been spending a lot of time together lately. I kinda figured you were dating."

"No. We're not."

"But you want to." It was more of a statement than a question.

"No," she answered immediately. After a pause, "I don't know… maybe. It's just a little complicated."

"Isn't it always?"

Buffy nodded. Indeed it was. Never in her life had she had a relationship free of drama and complication.

"I told him I just wanted to be friends. Besides, I don't even know if he's still interested in that way." Sure, he said he still had feelings for her, but she hadn't gotten his clarification on what that meant. And he _had_ also said he didn't come here to get back with her. Maybe he just took pity on her and Cam.

"Oh, he's still interested."

"How do you know?"

"It's rather obvious, Ms. Summers."

"No it isn't, and I told you to call me Buffy."

"Sorry Ms. S… Buffy. But you can't possibly think he's not still into you. He moved half way across the country for you."

"Because he had nothing better to do, and besides… I'm not ready for a relationship right now. And even if I was, I could never make it work with Spike."

"Why?"

"Because he's a va… very busy guy," Buffy said, catching herself mid sentence.

"He doesn't seem busy. He's always at your apartment."

Buffy got up off the couch and walked into the kitchen. She was suddenly feeling a bit thirsty. "You want something to drink?"

"You have soda?"

"Of course we do. With Camilla around here, I'm surprised we have anything else."

Buffy pulled two grape sodas out of the refrigerator and came back to sit beside her newfound friend. "Krista, let me ask you something. Do you think I'm insufferable?"

"What? No of course not. Why would you ask that?"

"I don't know. Sometimes I feel like I send mixed signals. Like I don't know what I want. And I'm bossy; I like to have my way. Not to mention I have slight trust issues. I just think maybe it's all too much for men."

"All men or just your ex?" Krista knew about Camilla's father. After what had happened to Buffy, she could understand how she could think she was insufferable.

"Exs… plural. Men always leave me."

"Maybe they're the insufferable ones."

"I'd like to think that, but it's becoming increasingly harder. And with Camilla, I'm just not sure I want to try dating. If it ends badly, it won't just be me getting hurt."

"But you can't be alone forever just because you're afraid."

"I know," Buffy replied with a sigh.

"Well, if not Spike then some other guy. What about the one you work with? You've gone on a couple of dates with him."

"Christian?" the slayer replied. "I don't know. I mean he's good looking, and smart, and he has a good job."

"But?"

"But… he's just… he's not…" Buffy was cut off as the front door opened.

"Hey, mommy, guess what we did," Camilla said excitedly, running over to her mother.

"What did you do?" Buffy asked, trying to sound equally as energetic.

"We went to the zoo, and saw monkeys and elephants and snakes… I didn't like those much. And then we saw birds and a zebra. It was so cool."

Buffy smiled at her daughter's excitement. She had been thrilled ever since Spike had told her he would take her to the new zoo they had recently opened in the area. He had chosen today because it was overcast and there was little to no chance he would spontaneously burst into flames. They still hadn't told Camilla that Spike was a vampire, so they certainly didn't want him catching on fire in her presence. They had invited Buffy to come along, but she hadn't been feeling too well the last couple of days, so she'd stayed home.

In the past few weeks the three had spent a lot of quality time together, and Buffy had come to really trust Spike with her daughter. She knew that he would protect her and make sure she was safe. Camilla had really come to trust Spike as well. They had seemed to bond almost instantly. So much so, that it was a little scary.

Krista, Buffy's neighbor and Camilla's babysitter when Buffy went out, had come over to see if she'd left her favorite jacket, and she and Buffy had somehow ended up in deep conversation. Why did most of her deep conversations end up about her love-life... or lack thereof?

"It sounds cool," Buffy told her.

"It was. And look, Mr. Spike got me this stuffed monkey at the gift shop. It's a girl. I named her Lola. "

"That was very nice of him. Did you say thank you?"

"Yes I did."

Buffy looked to Spike for conformation and he nodded.

"I'm gonna go introduce Lola to Pete and Sasha," she said before running back towards her room.

"She's just full of energy, isn't she?" Krista asked.

"Oh yeah, sometimes too much," Buffy replied.

After a moment of silence, Krista stood up. "Well, I'm gonna go home. I've got a paper due for school. It was nice talking to you… Buffy," she said the last word with extra emphasis.

"Anytime. And thanks for the chat."

Krista smiled and said goodbye before leaving.

"Thank you for taking her today. I'm sorry I didn't go," Buffy said to Spike, who was still standing near the door.

"No need to be sorry, luv, you weren't feeling well."

"But I should have at least tried to go, and I don't feel that bad."

"Maybe you just needed a day to yourself."

"I think you're right. It was nice being alone for a change. Not that I mind company," she said quickly, hoping he didn't take her comment as a hint to leave.

"I get that. I like to be alone sometimes, too. That's when I do most of my thinking."

"That must be some intense alone time."

"Oh, it is. Sometimes, I even get ideas."

Buffy feigned a look of shock, and he smiled at her.

"I guess I should go home," he said. Spike had to admit that he was tired. A whole day of walking around a zoo, even for a vampire, was rough.

"Why? Are you tired of me already?" She tried to sound nonchalant.

"No, I just figured you'd had enough company today, with you not feeling well and all."

"Actually, I'm feeling better now."

Ever since he had moved to New York with Buffy and Camilla, things between him and the slayer had been hot and cold. One minute it would seem like she was flirting and the next she would be insisting they just be friends. It was all very confusing for him. She seemed to trust him with her daughter, but then again, she had trusted him with her mother and sister a while ago, but never with herself. Sure, she trusted him not to kill her in her sleep those many times she'd stayed at his place, but she never trusted him with her heart, and he didn't know if he could go through all of this again. He wanted to be happy for once in his un-life, and he didn't want to play games with the slayer anymore.

And he was going to tell her this; until squealing sounded from the back of the house.

"Mommy!"

Buffy turned her head as Camilla came running into the room.

"Mommy, mommy, mommy, mommy, mommy…."

"Yes, yes, yes, yes?" she asked the jumping child.

"Mommy, I was watching Sponge Bob and I saw a com-mercial for a fair. It's today. And it's where we live, and they have games and rides and animals and cotton candy."

"Really?"

She nodded profusely. "Can we go? Please mommy."

"Haven't you had enough excitement for one day?"

"No way, José."

"I don't know…"

"Mr. Spike can come, too. It will be sooooooo much fun. Please, please, please, please, please."

"I think Mr. Spike is tired."

"No he's not, are you, Mr. Spike?"

And he was stuck in the middle. Again. If he said no, Buffy would probably be mad because she didn't really want to go. On the other hand, if he said yes, Camilla would be upset and that would be somehow worse. He could handle the slayer being mad at him; that was nothing new. But he didn't want the bit to decide she didn't like him because he wouldn't take her side. Why it was so incredibly important that she like him was a bit of a mystery to him.

"Not really," he said as innocently as he could.

Buffy gave him a look that clearly said she was not happy about his decision.

"Oh, come on, mom," he said. "Who doesn't like cotton candy?"

She narrowed her eyes at him. "Fine," she said, giving in. It was pointless to argue with the two of them. "Let me change."

* * *

"It's so beautiful," Buffy said looking at the night sky. "You can actually see the stars."

The fair was on the outskirts of the city in a small lot. They had ridden nearly every ride Camilla was big enough to get on, and Spike bought her cotton candy, popcorn, and a candy apple. He had also purchased a caramel apple for Buffy. A nutritious dinner of course, but what would it really hurt? Besides, if they wanted, he would take them somewhere on the way home.

"Pretty incredible."

It had been a while since Spike had really taken the time to look at the stars. Drusilla used to stare at them, even indoors, but since then the act simply hadn't seemed appealing to him. But from the top of the Ferris wheel, they were, as Buffy said, beautiful. He resisted the urge to tell her that they were nothing compared to her. That might just make things awkward between them.

"I wish you could see the stars from our apartment. That's one thing I miss about not living in the city."

Spike nodded and they locked eyes for a moment. Suddenly, the ride jerked to a stop.

"They're probably just putting more people on," Buffy said.

Spike nodded again. Of course they were just putting people on the ride. That made perfect sense. But after whole minutes went by, they realized that was probably not the case.

"I think we're stuck."

Spike made a face showing that he was none to happy about the situation. He had never liked the bloody things, and now he was stuck at the top of one. He'd seen a story on the news once about how the fire department had to come in and get some of the people off of a broken down Ferris wheel. It didn't look to be something he ever wanted to try. He wasn't afraid of heights, really. It was more the falling part he didn't care for. He'd done his fair share of falling from high objects, and didn't fancy doing it again. Truthfully, he was more afraid for the little girl next to him. Unlike him and Buffy, she didn't have super strength or abilities that would help her survive a fall such as this.

A voice was heard over an intercom. "Ladies and gentlemen, please do not panic but it seems that we are having some technical difficulties. We will have them resolved soon. In the meantime, please do not rock the seats."

"Great," Spike said.

"At least she's asleep," Buffy pointed out.

Camilla had fallen asleep not long after they'd first gotten on the Ferris wheel. She was lying against Buffy, who had an arm wrapped around the child.

"Yeah."

They both fell silent. Buffy absently ran a hand through Camilla's hair and Spike tapped his hands on his legs. Since they'd already had the discussion about what they'd had been up to the past few years, they really didn't have much else to talk about. Buffy avoided talking about Camilla's father like it was the plague and he didn't push her for any more information. Usually it was Camilla who filled these voids with whatever popped into her mind, but with her fast asleep, that left it up to them.

A thought suddenly entered Spike's brain. Something he had been meaning to talk to Buffy about before they'd come to the fair. He wanted to know how she felt. He needed to know. And now was as good a time as any.

"Can I ask you something?" Spike said.

"Sure," she replied, though she wasn't sure she wanted to hear his question. She had a strange feeling earlier, like he was about to say something important but hadn't gotten the chance.

"How do you feel… about me I mean?"

She looked at him with a cautious expression. "I don't know. We're friends, aren't we?" The words sounded exceptionally lame as they left her lips.

"Is that all we are?"

Buffy didn't say anything. What could she say? Was there a right answer to this question?

"We already talked about this."

"I know. I hear what you keep saying about being friends," he said. "But sometimes it seems like you want something else."

Buffy looked out at the lit up fairgrounds thinking about her earlier conversation with her neighbor. Krista was right, she couldn't spend the rest of her life alone. But she herself was also right. A relationship, a more than friendly one, with Spike would never work. But she couldn't deny the way she felt when he was around. How did he always manage to get under her skin that way?

"I'm sorry," Buffy said after a moment. "This is all just so crazy. I mean, I don't see or hear from you in nearly eight years, and suddenly you're back in my life like you never left. And sometimes I feel…" She broke off, not really sure how to put her feelings into words.

"Feel what?" he asked sounding slightly hopeful.

"I can't explain it. And I know I'm being confuso girl; I can't help it. But I do feel something." She hoped that small statement was enough for him to accept, at least for now.

Spike cocked his head sideways and looked at her "You want me to stick around then?"

"Well, you don't have to. I'm not asking for anything. I just…"

"You want me to stay."

"Yes."

It was the truth. She didn't want him to go anywhere. Having him around was becoming more and more of a necessity, and not simply to help with Camilla.

"Then know this," Spike continued. "I've been around for a long time. I've seen a lot of things, and been to a lot of places. But until I ran into you a few months ago, I had no idea where to go, or what to do with my life. And being here with you feels right. So I have no intentions of going anywhere unless you ask me to."

Buffy could tell by the look in his eyes that he was serious. A sudden uncontrollable urge surged through her that had her leaning over and placing a gentle kiss on his lips. Almost as soon as she pulled away the Ferris wheel jerked to a start.

"What was that?" Camilla asked sitting up straight.

Spike and Buffy shared a small smile.

"Electricity," Spike replied.


	9. Chapter 9

**Chapter 9**

It was a bright, sunny day outside. The perfect day for strolling in the park, swimming at the lake, sunbathing, and toasting vampires. The last of which was the reason she was currently sitting next to an indoor pool. It was doing nothing for her tan, but she had gotten some reading done.

"I wanna do it again."

Buffy sat down the book she had been reading and looked at the scene in front of her. It brought a small smile to her face. Camilla was standing on the edge of the pool with her Ariel bathing suit and her Disney princess arm floaties on.

"Are you ready?" she called to Spike, who was standing in the shallow end of the water.

"I am."

She nodded before jumping as high as she could and landing with a splash in front of him. When she came up from under the water, Spike reached out for her.

"It's okay, Mr. Spike. I can swim," she told him and he retracted his hand.

He gave her a smile as she made her way back to the stairs. She climbed them slowly and then hurried over to where Buffy was.

"Mommy, come play with us."

"Yeah, mommy, come on," Spike said, sending a splash in her direction.

She gave him a look and then directed her attention towards her daughter.

"Please."

Buffy smiled and got up from her chair. She removed the t-shirt and shorts she was wearing and followed Camilla to the edge of the pool. Luckily the local park's indoor pool was unoccupied today. It seemed everyone else preferred the outdoor one. They'd had to explain to Cam that Mr. Spike couldn't go in the sun because it would make him sick. Once she heard the word sick, she immediately said she didn't mind this pool because she really wanted him to come. And though she didn't say it, Buffy had secretly wanted him to come as well.

Another month had passed since that night on the Ferris wheel and he'd stayed true to his word. He hadn't pushed the subject of feelings anymore and she was glad for it. She wanted to make sure she was really ready before starting a relationship with anyone, especially him, but with every passing day, it was becoming harder to ignore her growing attraction to him. Buffy had to admit that she was constantly thinking about him, and he had become even better with Camilla, if that was possible.

The problem still stood with the fact that he was a vampire. If she'd learned anything in the past about relationships with vampires, it was that they didn't work. Period. And yet she had welcomed him back into her life with metaphorical open arms. They spent time together like any couple would, watching movies, going to dinner, never alone of course but nevertheless.

"Do it just like this," Camilla said before jumping into the water.

"Just like that, huh?" Buffy said, mostly to herself.

"Don't worry, I'll catch you," Spike said.

He looked her body up and down. She was still as beautiful as he remembered and he couldn't stop his wandering eyes from noticing her every curve.

"You will?" she asked in a child-like voice.

"Promise."

Buffy took a step and let herself fall into the water. She intentionally landed near Spike so that the water would splash him. When she came up, she gave him a satisfied smirk and was rewarded with a splash in the face. She retaliated and then both of them splashed at the little girl as she approached them.

"No fair. I can't touch," she whined.

They stopped splashing water.

"Sorry sweetie," Buffy told her.

Camilla smiled before sending a major splash at both of them.

"Hey," Buffy protested.

The little girl laughed and the splashing fight ensued once more. After a moment, Cam called for them to stop.

"I wanna jump again."

"Go ahead," Buffy said.

She headed to the stairs and was soon jumping into the water. Buffy backed up and turned right into the vampire behind her. Her foot slipped and she felt herself falling over. Spike's hands went to her hips to steady her.

She found herself staring at a pale, wet, amazingly sculpted chest and gulped. Her eyes rose to meet his and she could feel her heart beating a tad bit faster. The way he was looking at her made her knees weak and she knew if they were alone the temptation to kiss him might overwhelm her.

"What are you doing?" Camilla asked, breaking them out of their trance. "We're 'upposed to be playing."

Buffy stepped back out of his grasp. "We were just…"

"Making up a new game," Spike finished for her.

"Right," Buffy said nodding, though she wondered where he was going with this.

"What kind of game?" Camilla asked, curious.

"C'here and I'll show you."

She swam over to where he was.

"It goes something like this." He reached out and grabbed a hold of her. "First I pick you up." He lifted her out of the water. "And then…"

"Then what?"

"Then…" Instead of finishing, he threw her in the air and she landed with a splash a few feet away.

"Spike!" Buffy said, concern evident in her voice.

"What?"

She gave him a look and swam to where Camilla was coming up from under the water.

"Honey, are you okay?"

Camilla coughed and rubbed the water from her eyes. "I got water in my nose," she said, scrunching up her nose.

"I'm sorry. Do you want to get out?"

Camilla looked almost appalled by the question. "No way. That was sooooo fun. I wanna do it again."

* * *

"That was so fun; we should do it again everyday."

"Everyday huh?" Buffy asked her daughter as she bounced down the hall in front of them.

"Yes," she said, letting out a yawn.

"Sounds like somebody's had a little too much fun," Spike said.

"Nuhuh."

"Yeah-huh," Buffy said, but Camilla shook her head vigorously.

She was trudging ahead of them, still in her bathing suit and flip flops. Buffy had replaced her shirt and shoes for the drive home and Spike his shirt. They looked almost like a family coming home from a day at the beach, and Buffy had to admit the idea didn't scare her, as maybe it should considering their circumstances.

They reached Buffy's apartment and she put the key in the lock, opening the door. She motioned for the two to go in.

"You two go ahead. I need to see Krista a minute. I need her to pick you up from school tomorrow," she said the last part to her daughter.

"But why can't Mr. Spike pick me up?"

'Because it will be daylight,' was Buffy's first thought, but she answered, "Because he has things to do."

"What kinds of things?"

"Grown-up things," Buffy said.

Camilla made a noise of disappointment. "Okay."

Spike gently pushed the little girl into the apartment while Buffy stepped across the hall and knocked on the door. It opened moments later and Drace, Krista's brother, was standing there. He was an eight year old with an attitude and Buffy hoped he wasn't in a bad mood today.

"What do _you_ want?" he asked in a tone that clearly said he didn't like having to answer the door.

"Is Krista home?" she asked as polite as she could.

"Maybe. What's it to you?"

"Can I speak with her?" she asked, resisting the urge to smack that attitude off the boy's face.

"I don't think so," he said and started to shut the door.

A hand reached and grabbed it, pulling it back open.

"Drace, you are so rude," she heard Krista's voice say. She shook her head and looked at Buffy. "Hey, how are you?"

Drace rolled his eyes and disappeared into the house.

"I'm good."

"Wet," Krista observed.

"Yeah, we went swimming."

"And by we you mean…?"

"Me, Cam, and Spike."

"Oooo. Spike huh?" she asked with a smile.

"Yes," Buffy said, noting the knowing look on her neighbor's face.

"Awesome. So, what can I do for you?"

"I wanted to ask you something."

"It's not about sex, is it?"

"No, it's not about sex. I got that out of my system. I mean… that came out wrong. I didn't mean I got it out of my system by having it, just… you know… talking about it."

Krista laughed. "Okay. Then proceed."

"Do you think you could pick Camilla up from school for me tomorrow? I have some errands I need to run when I get off work."

"Of course. But why didn't you ask Spike to do it?"

"He's… busy tomorrow."

"Uhuh," Krista replied skeptically. "Busy helping you with your _errands_?" she asked, putting an obvious innuendo behind the last word.

"No," Buffy said, trying to brush off the suggestion as insanity, but not managing to keep red out of her cheeks.

Krista just laughed.

"She gets out of school at three."

"I'll be there," the girl said, still smiling.

"Thank you." Buffy shook her head and walked back towards her apartment.

"Hey Buffy," Krista called after her.

The slayer turned around, her hand on her own doorknob.

"It's okay you know."

"What's that?"

"Letting yourself be happy. If you want something, then go for it. Don't be afraid. Don't worry about what might happen. Focus on now and what you want now. Don't worry about tomorrow."

Buffy just looked at Krista for a moment, sensing the sincerity in her words. And without another word, she opened her apartment door and went inside.

* * *

Spike and Cam were sitting on the couch watching television. They both looked up when she came in.

"I'm hungry," Camilla announced.

"Me too," Buffy replied. "But I think maybe we should take a bath first."

The little girl made a face. "Do we have to?"

"Yes, we have to."

"Fine." She jumped off of the couch and came to stand beside her mother.

"Well, why you lovely ladies are getting washed up, I'm gonna make dinner," Spike said.

"_You_ are gonna make dinner?" Buffy asked skeptically.

"By make dinner I meant order a pizza and sit here and wait for it."

She smiled. "Sounds like a plan." She looked down at Camilla. "Now let's get you in the bathtub."

"Okay."

They headed off to the back and Spike picked up the phone and dialed. By the time both of them emerged from the bedroom, the pizza had arrived. The three of them sat down on the couch and ate their pizza while watching _The Suite Life of_ _So and So and His Brother._ Buffy caught Camilla yawning more than once and knew the girl was getting sleepy. It took her fifteen minutes to get the girl into bed, but when she finally did, she returned to the living room ready to get some sleep herself. Spike was doing his best to straighten up the kitchen.

"Bit asleep?"

"Getting there. She thinks she's as big as we are sometimes."

Spike chuckled and put the leftover pizza in the fridge.

Buffy watched him continue to pick up, rising off their dishes in the sink. It was what any friend would do, she told herself. Friends helped each other clean and watched each other's kids. What friends didn't do was have feelings of a desirous nature towards each other, like she'd had earlier in the pool. Buffy was almost certain that had Camilla not been there, she would have given in to those feelings, and from the way he had looked at her, he would have done the same.

She'd tried to rationalize it as they'd both been alone so long that they just longed for any kind of touch, from anyone. But that wasn't true and she knew it. She'd been out on dates before Spike had come back into her life and not had the slightest desire to do anything except come back home. Yes, she longed for a man to touch her again, make her feel things her body had begun to forget were possible. But not just any man.

"Luv? You in there?"

Buffy snapped out of her revere and realized Spike was waving a hand in front of her face. "Huh?"

"I said, you should get some rest. You look knackered."

"Yeah," she replied. "You're right." She ran a hand through her hair, which was still slightly damp from her shower.

Spike stood there, studying her tired expression.

"What?" she asked more self-consciously than she would have liked.

He shook his head, as if clearing it. "Nothing," he replied and turned away.

In truth, there were no many things that he wanted to say to her, but knew he couldn't. Telling her how he felt about her would only make her run in the other direction, possibly even shut him out of her life entirely. And he wasn't sure he could handle that.

"I'll head out so you can get your beauty rest, not that you need it." He started to exit the kitchen when her voice stopped him.

"Do you ever think about the future?" she asked suddenly.

"Beg your pardon."

"The future? Do you ever think past tomorrow? Next week? Next month?"

"Not much. I'd rather focus on now."

"Even if you know there are so many bad things that could happen?"

Spike wasn't sure where she was going with this. "There's always a chance something could happen, Slayer. Some buggering demon out there could be unleashing hell on earth at this very moment." He had unconsciously taken a few steps toward her.

"And that doesn't scare you?"

"No. And it shouldn't scare you, either."

"Of course it should. In case you forgot, I have a daughter now. It's my job to worry about things like that. I have to do everything in my power to protect her." She didn't know where the sudden rush of anger had come from. She'd been all calm not thirty seconds before.

"I'm not saying you shouldn't. But worrying about every little thing…"

"Maybe you only have to worry about yourself," she interrupted, "But some of us have other obligations."

Spike could feel his own anger rising now and struggled to keep his voice down. "What the bloody hell is your problem?"

"What is my problem?" she asked, stepping closer and putting a finger into his chest. "You are my problem."

"And what is it exactly that I did to get your knickers all in a twist?" he demanded.

"My knickers are just fine, thank you," she replied.

"Then could you tell me what's suddenly stuck up your arse?"

Buffy's hands, which were now balled into fists, ached to punch him. In fact, her whole body ached to make contact. It had been years since she'd had a good spot of violence and it took all of her control not to unleash all her frustrations on his face.

"Get out of my apartment."

"Or what?" he challenged. If she wanted to play it like this, he was ready and willing.

His face was mere inches from hers and he could feel her hot breath on his face. Her heart had begun to pound as she contemplated her next move. She could sock him in the nose, or any other number of body parts, she could grind out some threatening reply that would hopefully run him out or she could just walk away, go to bed and try to sleep off all of her frustrations. But she didn't do any of those things.

Spike prepared himself for a blow that never came. He'd been ready for her to hit him, ready for her to yell and curse at him, ready for her to say it was time for him to get out of her life permanently. What he wasn't ready for was what she actually did do.

Her lips crushed against his with a force that startled him, but only for a moment. It took his brain all of five seconds to register what was happening and for his lips to respond to hers. The kiss, despite its original urgency, began to slow as the two explored each other's mouths. Spike had instinctively pulled her closer, her body now pressing into his. His hands gripped her waist as hers settled on his arms. Buffy it felt like a fire had been lit inside of her, one that she never wanted to put out. If her brain were now working properly, she may have realized this was probably a mistake and pulled away. But the growing intensity of the kiss prevented those stupid rational thoughts from clouding her brain.

Neither of them saw the little girl standing at the end of the hallway.

"Mommy," she called.

Buffy immediately pulled back from Spike, and put her hand to her mouth as she looked at her daughter.

"Camilla, honey, you should be in bed," she managed with a slightly cracking voice.

"I'm not sleepy."

Buffy ran a nervous hand through her hair and walked towards the little girl. "But you will be in the morning, when it's time to get up and go to school."

Buffy hurried her back to her room, wondering how much of that she had seen and also wondering what the hell had just happened. When they got into her room, Camilla jumped back into the bed. Buffy tucked her back in and sat down on the bed.

"Mommy, do you love Mr. Spike?" Camilla asked suddenly.

Buffy coughed, surprised by the question. "What?"

"You were kissin' him, and you told me that you only kiss boys if you love them."

Buffy opened her mouth, but wasn't sure what to say.

"Well, I love him," Camilla said, "He's real nice to me, and he bought me Lola. I think you two should get married."

The slayer's eyes widened. Her daughter loved Spike. That was going to make this already strange situation even stranger.

"He can be my new daddy. I don't mind."

Buffy still couldn't manage to form any words.

"But don't worry, mommy. I still love you the mostest."

"I love you, too, sweetheart."

"I know," she said yawning. "I think you are right. I am sleepy."

"I'm always right."

"Goodnight mommy."

"Night." She placed a kiss on her daughter's head and then turned out the light in the lamp on her bedside table.

Her hands were almost shaking as she reached for the doorknob that led back into the small hallway. Camilla loved Spike and wanted him to be her new dad. And _she_ had just kissed him, no, made out with him. And it had felt so good. But now that her brain had begun to clear itself from the haziness of lust, Buffy could only think 'Oh God, what did I do?' And more importantly, 'Do I wanna do it again?' Lest she forget Camilla's question, 'Do you love, Mr. Spike?'

I don't know. Yes. And… maybe.

And what was she going to say to him? After all, she'd been the one to start all of this mess. She'd implied she wanted him in New York, she invited him to spend time with her and Camilla, she kissed him first…

She'd tried to turn that desire she felt for him into anger, but it hadn't worked. The only thing it had done was bring them even closer than before. Buffy took a deep breath, steadying herself. She needed to face this now, even if she had no idea what she was going to say.

She made her way back to the living room, ready to talk about what had just happened. What she found was an empty room and no Spike.


	10. Chapter 10

**Chapter 10**

"What's a lollipop princess?"

"Only the next to bestest character in the game. Now you get to move all the way up here," Camilla said picking up Spike's blue pawn and moving it up the board.

"Oh, well in that case, all hail the lollipop princess."

Buffy rolled her eyes at him. "It's Candy Land, Spike. All you do is draw the card and move to the space. No praising is necessary."

"You're just mad because you drew Plumpy."

She narrowed her eyes at him, but couldn't keep her lips from twitching.

"My turn now," Camilla announced. She picked a card with two yellows and moved accordingly. "Now mommy," she said.

Buffy picked up a card and moved to the next blue space, though at this rate it seemed she was this close to losing.

"This is so fun. Don't you think this is so fun, Mr. Spike?"

"Yes, Nibblit."

Camilla smiled, seeming very happy at his response. Buffy was glad that her daughter was happy, but at the same time, lately she was becoming more and more concerned about her growing attachment to Spike. It's not that she minded the two of them getting along, and it's not that she thought Spike would up and disappear from their lives forever, but Cam always looked so forward to seeing him. Not to mention she'd made that comment about the father thing.

Buffy couldn't deny that the thought of them getting back together had crossed her mind, but neither of them had so much mentioned the kiss since it had happened nearly a week before. The slayer knew that it would be so easy to give into her desire to be with him, but she still wasn't sure that would be the best thing for her daughter. Spike _was_ still a vampire, after all. It wasn't like he could give her the normal life that she had always claimed to want. But Buffy couldn't seem to convince herself that that really mattered. So what if he wasn't normal? She certainly wasn't.

He _could_ be a father figure to the child. They had bonded almost instantly, and she was sure that he would do anything for the girl. But having a vampire for a step dad might make Camilla's life a little harder, and Buffy did not want that to happen either. It was all so complicated.

"Mr. Spike, I think you're gonna win."

Buffy looked at the game board. Spike was four spaces from the end.

"All you have to get is purple and you win."

Spike picked up the next card and made a face.

"Is it a purple?" Camilla asked.

"Somewhat."

"What is it?"

"I think I picked up the wrong card."

"Spike," Buffy said with a playful warning to her tone.

Camilla stood up and looked over his shoulder at the card. When she saw it, she started to laugh. Buffy raised her eyebrows and Spike sighed putting down the card. Buffy smiled as Camilla picked up his pawn and set it beside the plum tree.

"Seems Plumpy has claimed another victim," Buffy laughed.

"Ha bloody ha," Spike said sarcastically.

Buffy and Camilla both laughed.

"It's okay, Mr. Spike," the little girl said patting him on the back.

He smiled. "Thanks, pet."

Buffy was about to say something else when the phone rang.

"I'll be right back. I'm just gonna get that." Buffy stood up and walked over to the kitchen counter to get the phone.

"Hello."

"Buffy?"

"Yeah."

"It's Willow."

"Oh, hey, what's up?"

"We have a problem," Willow told her.

"What kind of problem?" she asked, becoming slightly worried.

"There's something I should tell you. And I probably should have told you sooner, but… with everything that was going on…"

"Willow, what is it?"

"Spike was dead," she replied.

"What?" Buffy asked, confused.

"Angel too."

Buffy froze at the sound of that name. "What do you mean were?"

"I mean they were dead. The coven saw them both killed in Los Angeles seven years ago. I never told you because I knew you still loved them and I knew you would try to get them back."

"What?" she asked a little too loud. A glance in the living room showed the two were looking in her direction. She waved her hand at them as if to say 'it's nothing.' Luckily, they accepted her wave and went back to the game.

"I'm sorry, Buffy. I thought I was doing the right thing," Willow said, sounding younger than she was. "But imagine my surprise when Spike showed up at Dawn's apartment. I called the coven for an explanation. They knew he was back; they'd known for some time but decided to leave me out of the loop. They were keeping an eye on him, watching to see if he did anything suspicious."

"You're not making any sense."

"I know this is kind of hard to understand, but, Buffy, I'm not sure you should trust him."

"But you've yet to fully explain to me why. You just tell me he was dead and now he's not. What did you mean when you said I would try to find them?" she asked, remembering her friend's earlier statement.

She could hear Willow sigh.

"Angel made a mess of Los Angeles. By taking down Wolfram and Hart, he set a lot of things into motion. Made a lot of demons very unhappy. A mass of creatures found their way to the city. There was a huge battle."

"Why is this the first I'm hearing of it?" Buffy asked incredulously.

"Like I said, we didn't want to involve you."

Buffy was getting angry now. "What happened?"

"The fight was too large. Hundreds… thousands of people would have died had they been allowed to continue. So the coven had to step in."

"What exactly did they do?"

"They created a black hole. A portal to another dimension and dropped it right over them."

"And?" Buffy asked with a hint of irritation.

"And they sucked them all up, all of the demons in close proximity, and sent them to another dimension. Miraculously, a few days later, Spike appeared back in the ally in which the fight had taken place."

"You knew," the slayer said in an accusatory tone. "You knew what they were going to do before they did it."

Buffy couldn't believe that her best friend had known two of her ex-lovers were about to get sucked into a hell dimension and did nothing to stop it. And on top of that, didn't bother to tell her even after it had happened.

"I knew they were sending the black hole, yes," she admitted. "But they never told me Spike came back."

Buffy rubbed her forehead with her free hand. "Why are you telling me this now?"

"Because, like I said before, we have a new problem. It seems that Spike wasn't the only one who came back."

"Angel," Buffy said immediately.

"Yes. It seems he is now back as well. They're keeping an eye on him but…"

"But?"

"They're afraid he may have... lost touch with humanity."

"You mean his soul. They think he lost his soul?"

Buffy took the silence on the other end as a yes.

"We've been tracking him for a couple of days, but as of this morning we can't seem to locate him. It's like he's vanished."

"Do you think he went back to that dimension?"

"No, but we do have a good idea of where he might be headed."

"And where is that?"

"New York."

* * *

Buffy walked back into the living room, still reeling from her recent phone conversation. Spike was helping Camilla pick up the game and put it back in the box.

"_We need to find out if Spike knows anything," _Willow had said._ "We're sending someone down. I would come myself but…"_

"_I'll talk to him."_

"_Buffy, I don't think…"_

"_I'll talk to him," she said, more forcefully._

_Willow hesitated a moment. "Okay. But if you find out anything…"_

"_I'll call. I promise."_

She was torn between being angry and fearful. She wasn't afraid for herself, but for Camilla. If Angelus was back, and if he was coming for her, Camilla would be in grave danger. Angelus was a ruthless son-of-a-bitch who wouldn't stop until he got exactly what he wanted. Whatever that was.

"Camilla, honey, I think it's time to get ready for bed," she said to her daughter.

"But, mom, we were having fun," the little girl whined.

"I know. But it's late."

"Mom…"

"Camilla," Buffy said in a mother-like tone.

"Fine," she huffed. "Goodnight Mr. Spike."

And with that she stomped off to her bedroom.

"What was that about?" Spike asked when he heard the little girl's door close. "It's only 8:30."

"What happened in L.A., Spike?"

"What?" he asked confused.

"What happened in L.A.?" she repeated.

"What do you mean?"

"I mean, what happened after you tried to battle the Senior Partners?"

Spike sighed and sat down on the couch. How was he supposed to explain something to her that he didn't even understand himself? Buffy sat down beside him.

"Please Spike. It's important."

"There were demons," he said after a moment. "Hundreds and hundreds of demons. We didn't think any of us would make it, and I'm still not sure exactly how I did. I just know that when I woke up, I was in the alley alone. All I could figure was that the powers that be spared me for some reason."

"And that's it? You just… woke up?" She sounded skeptical.

"Yes."

"And you don't remember anything?"

"I remember fighting. I remember the rain pouring down and not knowing which way to turn. I just kept hitting anything that came close. It's all just a blur after that. Everything runs together."

"And you're sure that's all you know."

"Yes." He was becoming frustrated. "Why would I lie?"

"I'm not saying that you would. But Willow said…"

"Red? She was on the phone," he guessed. He'd known since their first encounter a few months back that the witch wasn't happy to see him.

Buffy nodded unnecessarily.

"And what did she say?"

Buffy explained about the black hole and about him reappearing days later.

"The bloody witches have been watching me?" he asked, a bit enraged.

"That's not the issue, Spike. A few days ago they got wind of something else. Someone else." She took a breath. "It's Angel. He's back too."

Spike's inner defenses shot up at the sound of his grandsire's name. Of course this was all about Angel. When was it not? His mind jumped to all sorts of conclusions. If Angel was back, that meant Buffy had no use for him. It meant he should pack his bags and move out of the city now before he inadvertently caused a scene. He could feel his own anger rising.

"And you want me to leave?"

"No, of course not," Buffy replied, seeming genuinely surprised that he would think that.

"I don't much fancy a reunion, pet." If Angel was coming here, Spike didn't plan to stick around and watch him sweep Buffy off of her feet.

"Well, I'm afraid we might get one anyway. The coven lost track of him this morning, but they seemed to think he was on his way here."

Spike noticed the fear sounding in her voice. Why would she be afraid of Angel coming here? Unless… "Luv?" he urged.

She met his gaze. "There almost certain," she told him, "that he doesn't have a soul.


	11. Chapter 11

**A/N: Attention readers! This is the part where I apologize for the delay. I hadn't realized that so much time had passed since last I updated this story. Apparently like two years. Important bit of information... I have gone back and edited the first 10 chapters. I actually changed some of the story lines as well. So you may wanna go back and at least skim them. Though, since its been so long, most of you may not even remember what the story's about. Sorry once again. I do have the story back on my mind though and am not currently working on any other stories. My goal is to finish this one before two more years go by. =) But seriously, I hope to finish it within the next couple of months. So wish me luck and enjoy this brand spanking new chapter. **

**Chapter 11**

Another three weeks had passed, but with no signs of Angel. The coven had yet to pinpoint his whereabouts. Wherever he was, and whoever he was, he did not want to be found. Buffy tried to go about her normal routine, but couldn't help but look over her shoulder, checking for a potentially homicidal vampire. She worried the most about Camilla, which was why she stayed with Spike instead of going to daycare.

There were still so many unanswered questions. What had happened to the two vampires after the witches had unleashed a gaping black hole on them? Why had Spike come back only days later, whereas Angel had been gone for years? And why did Spike seem like the same souled vampire while there was a good chance that Angel was killing again? Maybe wherever he had been taken had caused him to lose the good inside and Spike was not affected because he hadn't been there as long… or at all.

The two of them had talked about it, but Spike still couldn't remember anything much about that night. He also had no recollection of being in another dimension. Willow had shown up in New York not three days after her phone call. She was determined to cast every protection spell she could on Buffy and Camilla and their home. She even cast one on Spike's apartment. Willow was staying with Buffy, sleeping in Camilla's room, while the child now slept with her mother.

They hadn't told Camilla why Auntie Willow was staying with them, but the child still gave up her room without a fuss. Spike spent a lot of nights on Buffy's couch, wanting to be there in case anything _were_ to happen. He'd grown very protective of the girl and would give his unlife to save either of them.

This particular morning, Spike awoke on the couch to the sound of _Beauty and the Beast_ blaring in his ear. Camilla, he soon realized, had the TV turned as loud as it would go, one of her favorite movies playing. But where was the little nibblet? She wasn't within seeing distance and he couldn't hear her, though with the volume so loud on the television, it was no wonder. Even vampiric hearing could only get you so far. Spike reached for the remote and turned the volume down to barely audible. He noticed the scene before him was the girl… Belle was it?... and the beast. They were dancing in a ballroom, looking happy to be together, despite the fact that he was a monster. Spike laughed to himself at the irony of the song.

_Tale as old as time _

_True as it can be_

_Barely even friends, then somebody bends, unexpectedly_

As lame as it might sound, Spike thought the song could apply to himself and the slayer. They hadn't been friends when he'd realized he was in love with her. No, they'd been mortal enemies who had decided to tolerate each other after he'd discovered he could only hurt demons. And he sure as hell hadn't seen it coming. Only a year before, not even, would he have laughed in the face of anyone who told him he'd become a love sick puppy for Buffy, and then offed them for good measure.

_Just a little change_

_Small to say the least_

_Both a little scared_

_Neither one prepared_

_Beauty and the Beast_

In the past few weeks, things between them had been up and down. They still hadn't talked about that kiss. He knew that was probably mostly his fault since he'd bolted right after. Not a typical move for him, but something that, at the time, he'd felt he had to do. The look on Buffy's face when Camilla had caught them said it all. She regretted it, and probably only ever kissed him because she was lonely. How long had it been since what's-his-name had run off? And Spike was determined not to ask her about it, not to indicate he wanted anything from her until she admitted to wanting more than friendship, which at this rate, seemed unlikely. Now that they had other things to worry about (i.e. evil ex-boyfriend vampires), they rarely did anything together anymore, except stand guard over her apartment.

_Ever just the same_

_Ever a surprise_

_Ever as before_

_And ever just as sure_

_As the sun will rise_

It had been a doomed thought since the beginning, that they could possibly have a relationship. He knew he'd been kidding himself, and now that was easier to see. Most of the time. Then there'd be the occasional flirty phrase from her when they were alone that would put him on edge. And just yesterday, she'd walked in on him taking a shower. Yes, the curtain had been pulled, but she spent a little too much time in there "looking for her hairbrush." And he could have sworn he heard her heart rate accelerate. He'd chalked it up to his imagination.

_Tale as old as time_

_Tune as old as song_

_Bittersweet and strange_

_Finding you can change_

_Learning you were wrong_

Spike knew that he'd changed the most those few years of his un-life he'd spent in Sunnydale. Before that he'd been a ruthless vampire, more or less, only caring about himself and his loony love. Now he found himself caring about people he didn't even know. Whether or not she had meant to, and if he was honest he knew she hadn't, Buffy Summers had been the one to ignite this change in him. Despite the fact that he'd screwed up more times than he could count on all his digits, she still somewhat forgave him for all of it. She didn't leave him to go insane in that basement, she didn't leave him to rot as the First tortured him both mentally and physically, and… most importantly in his book… she had asked Angel to leave when he'd shown up to help them fight that final war. She'd claimed it was because she wanted the sod to prepare a second front, but that hadn't been the only reason.

_Certain as the sun_

_Rising in the East_

_Tale as old as time_

_Song as old as rhyme_

_Beauty and the Beast_

_Tale as old as time_

_Song as old as rhyme_

_Beauty and… the Beast_

The song came to an end and the little tea pot sent the broken cup to the cupboard to sleep.

"_I'll tell you about it when your older," _the teapot said.

"That's what mommy always tells me."

Spike's head jerked to the side, surprised. He'd been so caught up in the movie he hadn't noticed the little girl standing beside him.

"You scared me, Bit."

"Sorry," she replied, patting him on the shoulder and sitting down beside him.

"S'alright."

"Why are you British?" Camilla asked after a moment.

"Beg your pardon?"

"What's a par-dun?"

"It means the same as 'what'."

She seemed to contemplate this. Spike wasn't sure she completely understood, but regardless, she moved back to her former question.

"Why are you British?" she asked again.

"Because I was born in England."

"Where's that?"

"Europe."

"Where's U-rope?"

"Across the ocean."

"Ooh, I love the ocean," she said excitedly. "Can we go there, Mr. Spike? To Eng-a-land?"

"Maybe someday. When you're older," he made sure to add the last part so she didn't get any ideas that someday would be soon.

He half expected her to argue but instead she simply nodded.

"Older is gonna be so much fun," she said, causing Spike to smile.

Yes, older could be fun. But it could also be hard and painful. If he stuck around long enough to see Camilla grow up, he was ready to break the neck of any boy who dared break her heart.

"Camilla, have you eaten yet?" Buffy called from the kitchen.

How long had she been in there?

"Yes, I ate some Fruity Loops, but Mr. Spike hasn't eaten anything." She gave Spike that smile that said 'haha I told on you.'

She was right, however. Spike could feel his own hunger swelling, the kind of hunger that Fruit Loops would not satisfy. He usually waited until everyone was in bed to eat, but he'd run out of the short supply he'd brought with him to Buffy's and hadn't wanted to leave them in the middle of the night. He knew the slayer and witch could more than likely handle themselves were Angelus ever to actually show up, but he still wanted to be there, if for no other reason than to finally have a hand in taking his grandsire down. He no longer felt the overwhelming hatred towards the older vampire that he'd carried with him for a hundred plus years, but he still didn't consider them mates. And if it _was_ Angelus roaming the streets, then he would have to be stopped, one way or another.

"Right you are, Bit." He stood up from the couch a stretched his muscles.

Sleeping on a couch wasn't the most comfy of situations, but he'd slept on much worse. His gaze traveled to the kitchen and to the woman standing in it. She had her hair pulled back into a messy ponytail and hadn't yet put on any makeup. But Spike didn't know if she'd ever looked more beautiful. He wanted nothing more than to walk into that kitchen, take her into his arms, and never let her go. He wondered if the day would ever come that he would actually be able to do that.

He made his way into the kitchen. He realized that Buffy was making home-made biscuits, or attempting to. She had flour running up her arms and all over the front of her t-shirt.

"Am I doing this right?"

Spike glanced down at the goopy mess in the bowl. He didn't respond but the look on his face said it all.

"Crap. Why is it that I can take down a four hundred pound demon with no problem, but can't for the life of me cook a descent meal?"

"That lasagna you cooked the other night wasn't so bad," he offered.

She gave him a skeptical look.

"Okay, it was. But we can't all be chefs now can we, Slayer?"

Buffy sighed and rubbed her arm against her forehead, leaving a small trail of flour on it. "I guess not."

And Spike couldn't help himself. Before he even thought about it, his hand reached out to brush the flour away. Her eyes met his in the next instant and she parted her lips slightly. Whether or not she meant this as an invitation was unclear to him, but what he did know was that he was tired of being a little prancing poof, too afraid to make even the slightest of moves. He could hear her heart rate speed up as he took a step closer. Spike wasn't sure where Red was or if Camilla was watching, but right now, he couldn't seem to care.

He lowered his lips to hers without another thought. He'd briefly wondered if she would push him away, scolding him for the kiss, but if she didn't want this, she wasn't doing much to stop it. Her lips moved along with his, keeping the kiss slow but sensual, unlike their previous lip lock. Her hands remained at her sides whilst his trailed up and down her arms, no doubt leaving flour on his hands. He felt her shiver involuntarily. After a few heavenly moments, Spike pulled back to look at her.

Her face was flushed and her breathing was a bit irregular, but she didn't look angry. In fact, she looked like she might resume the kiss. And she may have, except Willow chose that moment to open the front door. Buffy, who was facing the door, looked over Spike's shoulder at her best friend, who was carrying a large paper bag.

"I'm back," she announced. "And I brought breakfast."

"I already ate," Camilla announced, not looking away from the television.

"Well good because it's not for you anyway," the witch teased.

The little girl ignored her and focused on the song that was now playing on the screen. She must not have noticed the kiss, Spike decided, or she would have said something. Would it be a secret? As far as he knew, Camilla had told no one about the last kiss she'd walked in on. Had Buffy instructed her never to mention it, or had she simply forgotten? She was a brilliant young girl who hadn't yet forgotten anything else he'd told her, which was sometimes quite unfortunate.

"Am I interrupting something?" Willow asked once she was in the kitchen area. She looked back and forth between the two of them.

She must have noticed the look on Buffy's face because Spike was doing his best to keep his own face blank. Spike started to speak up to save Buffy the trouble of having to tell her friend a lie because she had indeed interrupted something. But he didn't get the chance.

"Yes," Buffy replied. "We were kissing."

Spike looked over at her with a hint of shock and… well shock on his face. Had she really just said that? He resisted the urge to pinch himself to make sure he wasn't dreaming. Willow seemed surprised as well. Buffy, however, actually had her resolve face on.

She turned to Spike. "I told you once that I was tired of mixed signals between us. And now I'm telling you that again. The truth is that I have feelings for you and I'm tired of pretending that I don't." She took a deep breath as he took in her words.

And he had no idea what to say to that.

He had imagined this moment over and over, so many times, that now that it was finally here, he had no clue what to do. Tell her he was still in love with her? Kiss her again? The first, he thought, might be a little much; she had only confessed to having feelings, not that those feelings were love. And the second might be a bit off-putting since Red was standing right there.

So instead he gave her a small smile, trying his best to show her how much her words had meant to him. Willow, to Spike's surprise, actually looked amused by the whole thing. Maybe she was just happy that Buffy was finally showing some interest in dating again, even if it was _him_. Spike reckoned he and Willow had gotten on well enough back in Sunnyhell, and now that the coven had all but cleared him of being evil, maybe she was actually happy for them.

Yes, there was still the whole thing about what had really happened to him during those few days he couldn't recall, but he hoped she would be able to trust him. It was clear that Buffy did. Though in the past Buffy _had_ been scolded on her lack of good judgment when it came to trusting him.

The sound of the phone ringing pulled all three people from their thoughts.

Buffy grabbed the phone from the counter. "Hello," she said.

Spike listened so that he could hear the voice on the other line. Just in case in was Angel or someone from the coven. It wasn't that he didn't trust Red, but withholding information was apparently something the witches liked to do.

"May I speak to a Ms. Buffy Summers?" the voice asked.

It was male, but it wasn't Angel.

"This is she."

"This is Dr. Jefferson calling from the California Medical Center. I'm afraid there's been an accident.


	12. Chapter 12

**A/N- So, I suck. Over a year ago I planned to finish this story and finally get the whole thing posted. However, that did not happen. I made a vow to myself that I would not post another chapter until the entire story was complete b/c I know that every time a chapter is posted, you all probably have to go back and read the entire story again to even remember what happened. **

**I am happy to say that I have now FINALLY finished the entire story. I will post a new chapter every few days or so. Once again, I am so so sorry that it has taken me 5 years to finish this story. If anyone is still out there reading who has been reading since 2007, thank you for not giving up on me.**

**In the future, I will finish entire stories before posting them on here or any other website.**

**So now read on (maybe back...for the last time!) and hopefully you guys enjoy how it all ends.**

* * *

The plane ride took just over five hours. To Buffy, it seemed more like days. The doctor hadn't given many details over the phone. All she knew was that her sister and her sister's fiancé had been involved in a car accident. The florescent lighting of the hospital added to the eerie feeling of sickness and death and Buffy was quickly reminded of why she hated hospitals. They found the room fairly easily, but were not at all comforted by the fact that it was in the ICU.

When they entered the room they found Eric sitting in a chair by the bed. He looked bruised and exhausted. His left arm was also in a sling, but other than a small cut on his cheek, he looked fine… physically. Dawn did not come out as well. She was lying in the hospital bed, hooked up to several machines, including one connected to an oxygen mask. A nurse was changing out an IV bag. Buffy blinked back tears.

Eric met her eyes. "I'm so sorry." He looked defeated.

Buffy tried to give him a sympathetic look. She'd been so worried on the flight here, not knowing much more than that neither of them was dead, that she was having a hard time forming any words of comfort now.

"What happened?" Spike asked for her.

"I... I don't know," was all he said.

The three adults in the room all suspected he was lying. "Eric please…" Buffy started, but Spike placed a hand on her arm. She knew she should stay calm and not berate her sister's fiancé, but Dawn was unconscious in a hospital bed and she needed to know what happened.

"What did the doctor say?" Willow asked.

Eric seemed more agreeable about that. "She's in a coma. She also had some internal injuries. They had to do an emergency surgery. He said everything went well and he's pretty sure they caught all of the bleeds. They did an MRI on her and it came back clean. He didn't seem to think she had any lasting brain damage, but if she doesn't wake up…" he choked back a sob.

Buffy approached the bed and reached a hand out to touch her sister's. "Did they say anything else?" she asked.

"Nothing is broken. The doctor said she'd experienced a pretty bad head trauma, but that the chances she would wake up were still good. He's supposed to come back around soon."

Buffy turned her attention to the nurse. "When is the doctor coming?"

The nurse, Linda the dry erase board said, was throwing something in a container marked Biohazard. She looked at her watch. "He should be here within the hour. He had an emergency appendectomy to perform."

Buffy nodded, despite the fact that she felt a little impatience at that. She wanted to know what was going on with her sister right at this very moment. This wasn't something she could fix by beating up a creature of the night. She needed medical professionals to do something, and she desperately wanted to scream this at the girl, but couldn't seem to find her voice suddenly. Perhaps it was due in part to the fact that Camilla was here and she didn't want to scare the little girl any more.

Her daughter had already asked her a million questions that she couldn't answer and she was scared that something bad had happened to her aunt. Buffy nodded a silent thanks to the nurse, who proceeded to leave the room. Eric looked strangely relieved that she was gone.

The slayer felt a presence beside her.

"Is Aunty Dawn gonna be okay?" Camilla asked, a worried expression on her innocent face.

"She's going to be fine," Buffy told her, hoping that she was right. The doctors didn't sound especially confident at this point, but they also hadn't told Eric to expect the worst, so that was something.

Willow took that opportunity to speak up. "Cam, why don't we go find the vending machines? We can get some snacks for everybody."

The little girl perked up at that. "Okay. Mommy, can I have a _Snickers_?"

"Yes, but just one," she said the last part more to Willow, who nodded in understanding. It was just about noon California time now, and they hadn't had much to eat on the plane, but Buffy still didn't want Camilla filling up on candy.

Camilla took Willow's hand and pulled her out the door, calling back to Spike that she would bring him wheetie-bits if they had some.

"What really happened, mate?" Spike asked Eric with an edge to his voice. "And don't tell me you don't know because you do."

Buffy also sent a challenging look at the younger man in the uncomfortable looking hospital chair. "Did you hit someone or run off the road?"

"It wasn't a car accident," Eric said, a touch of anger suddenly in his voice.

"What?" Buffy started to say before he continued.

Eric stood to his feet. "It was a man."

* * *

Spike was fuming. He wanted desperately to kill something. No, he wanted desperately to kill some_one_ in particular.

After Eric had recapped the previous night's events, the vampire had found himself in kill mode. There was no doubt, after hearing his description of the assailant, that it was Angelus. Not to mention the fact that Dawn had recognized him and called him Angel before he'd attacked them. Eric had remembered the name because of the obvious irony. The guy knew Dawn, Eric had said, and had even brought up events from her past to confirm that he was who she thought he was.

And then the bastard had tried to kill them. Or, Spike thought more logically, he hadn't. If Angelus had really wanted Dawn and Eric dead, they would be dead. What he really wanted was to toy with them. He wanted Buffy to know that he was out there and that he could hurt her at any time if he so chose.

This was a message, broadcast loud and clear.

If anyone was more livid than Spike, it was Buffy. She hadn't really been able to truly believe that it was really Angel until now. Even though Dawn hadn't told her the story herself, she was somehow positive it was true. Angelus was back. And this time, Buffy was sure, she would be able to kill him without remorse. Probably.

She'd demanded Willow call the coven immediately and tell them to get their witchy asses on finding him. The witch had theorized Angelus must have some sort of protection or cloaking spell cast on himself. Otherwise, the coven would have located him by now. This meant that either he had perfected the art of black magic or he had a witch on his side. No one was sure which was worse.

After much prodding, Buffy had finally convinced Eric to go home and get some rest. He'd been at the hospital for nearly 24 hours straight. He said he would at least go home and shower and get a change of clothes but that he would be back by morning. If there was one thing the slayer could be sure of, it was that this man loved her sister, and that was enough to bring a smile to her face, if only for a few moments.

Camilla had fallen asleep a little after eleven, something all three conscious adults in the room were thankful for. Every waking moment she spent in the room, she asked question after question about what had happened to Aunt Dawn and what were all the machines for and why didn't the hospital have the Disney channel. She was lying on a small cot the nurse had brought to them.

Since visiting hours were technically over at nine, and only one person was supposed to spend the night in a hospital room, Spike and Willow had decided to keep a watch out in… or near… the waiting room. This, of course, left plenty of time for conversation. It took Willow a while to build up the courage to ask him about Los Angeles. She knew it was ridiculous, she was a mega powerful witch and all that, but she still wasn't a fan of confrontation.

"So, Spike," she began in as friendly of a voice as she could muster.

He looked at her suspiciously. They hadn't spoken a word to each other in nearly half an hour. He raised an eyebrow, indicating she should continue.

"Buffy said you didn't remember anything… about what happened to you after battle Los Angeles."

Spike rolled his eyes and sighed. Of course this was what she wanted to talk about. "Yes, Red. Like I've said."

"Well, what if you could? Remember I mean?"

"What are you getting at?" he asked, stopping and looking at her.

"I've been looking into some spells, and I think I've finally found one that might help you remember the time you lost. Maybe that would give us some sort of clue as to what happened to Angel, and why he's doing this."

Spike had never trusted magic. There were always consequences for using it. Always. And yet, a part of him was intrigued by the idea of remembering, knowing what had happened to him.

When he didn't respond, Willow turned herself around to face him. "I know you and I haven't been the best of friends, and I know that you have issues with magic, but I also know that I'm a damn good witch. I really do think this will work, Spike. And if you care about Buffy and Camilla as much as I think you do, then you'll at least let me try."

Though he detested anyone messing around in his brain, he knew she was right. This could help them figure out what had happened to Angel, and it turn, help them take him down. He knew as well as Willow did that even if Buffy claimed she could kill Angelus, he meant more to her than he ever had to them, and if they could find a way to rectify this situation without involving Buffy, it would be for the best.

"This isn't going to involve liquid metal crawling into my eyes is it?"

Willow smiled slightly. "No, not this time. I've advanced in eight years you know."

Spike couldn't help but think she sounded like the teenager he'd kidnapped and tried to force into doing a love spell for him after Dru had dumped him. He had a brief flashback of a fuzzy pink sweater. "Alright then. What do we do?"

* * *

"Here, drink this." Willow held out the yellowish creamy liquid.

Spike took it from her hand and tried his best not to make a face. "What the bloody hell is in this? Unicorn piss?"

"No, nothing like that. It's just a simple potion. It's to help relax your mind. It will help make it easier to retract your memories. It will have the same effect as the metal device we used before, only it will be much less painful for you."

The two had left the hospital for Dawn's apartment after Willow had cast the strongest protection spell she could think of on Dawn's hospital room. Anyone not invited into the room, human or otherwise, could not enter. This made both Buffy and Spike feel better about the slayer and her daughter staying alone. Before she was a mother, Buffy would have never worried about being left alone, but now the very thought of anything happening to Camilla caused her to take every precaution.

Buffy wasn't entirely crazy about Willow's idea, but agreed nonetheless. If she could help Spike remember even the smallest detail about what had happened after he'd been sucked into the black hole, it might lead them to Angelus. One thing was for certain. They needed to find him before he managed to hurt anyone else.

Xander and Giles had been called, but both had been encouraged not to fly back to LA. There was, after all, nothing they could do for Dawn. Besides, Buffy wanted both of them as far away as possible. The farther away they were, the harder it would be for Angelus to hurt them.

Spike resisted the urge to sniff the liquid, sure that the smell of it would change his mind, and brought the cup to his mouth. "This better work, Red," he told the witch, only half joking. He downed the liquid in one gulp, surprised to find it tasted something like pineapple. "Not bad. So how long before…" Spike broke off in mid-sentence as he began to feel dizzy. It seemed the answer to his unfinished question was not long at all. He sat down on the edge of the couch and waited. It didn't take long for the potion to take effect.

Willow pulled out her book and read the Latin words from the page, hoping this would work, and not knowing what they would do if it didn't.

* * *

_Spike opened his eyes, the bright light momentarily blinding him. His first thought was fire. He was on fire. Except he wasn't. _

_He was on his feet in seconds, looking for a shelter, but not finding one. He was in the desert. The only thing he could see for miles was sand, the light brown crystals felt hot even through the thick soles of his black boots. The sun was boring down on him in white hot sheets. Only a look to the sky revealed that it was not the sun at all. Whatever orb was illuminating this vast wasteland was dark red, almost the color of blood, and it was close, much closer than he'd ever known the sun to be._

_Spike wracked his brain, trying to remember what had happened. He'd remembered being in Sunnydale, in the hellmouth with Buffy. Her saying he could still make it. Her saying she loved him._

_But no, that wasn't right. There was more. More he couldn't quite get a hold on. _

_He wasn't burning and had not turned into a big pile of dust, so that said something for the bloody sun shining above him. It didn't seem to be deadly. And vampires couldn't dehydrate so the endless scorching sands wouldn't kill him. Unless of course he failed to find anyone else. He would have to eat eventually._

_Spike didn't sense any immediate threats, so began walking in a direction he could only hope led to something, anything but the barren land that seemed to stretch into eternity. It was then that he wondered if he was in hell. He had died in the hellmouth after all. Right?_

_After what seemed like days of walking, and he couldn't be sure of the time because the bloody sun neither rose nor set, simply stayed in the same position, somehow threatening him despite its seemingly harmless rays, Spike finally found the end of the arid land._

_He found himself walking on small grey pebbles, which appeared to make a path through thick black foliage. It resembled a jungle of sorts. As soon as he stepped past the first draping plant life, Spike sensed that this had been a mistake. He saw the demon before it saw him, which was his only saving grace._

_He wasn't sure exactly what kind of demon it was, but it looked oddly familiar. It was tall, but not very large with dark green skin that made it look a bit like a ninja turtle. Spike ducked as the first punch was thrown his way and landed a kick to the creature's abdomen. It recovered quickly and growled, showing its razor sharp teeth._

"_What did you do to me, vampire?" it asked in a deep semi-threatening voice._

"'_Fraid I don't know what you mean, mate," Spike replied slamming his fist into the side of its head. _

_Teeth bared, the green beast lunged forward but Spike was ready for it. He grabbed a loose branch from the blackened trees and rammed it into its chest. For a moment, he thought the fight was over, until he and the branch were being thrown ten feet further into the forest. He jumped back to his feet, more determined than ever to rid the world, whatever world this was, of this not-so-jolly green giant._

_The demon growled again and charged at him, sending them both to the ground. "How did we get here?" it demanded, grabbing Spike by the throat and squeezing hard._

_Spike used his free hand, the one which the demon had not pinned to the ground, and shoved it into the wound in its chest. The demon screamed out and released his grip just enough for Spike to push him off. "Your guess is as good as mine, you sod."_

_They each managed to get in a few more jabs before Spike got the upper hand. He had the demon down and before it could react, Spike had shoved his recovered branch back into its chest, deeper this time. The demon cried out once more and the fight seemed to drain out of it. _

"_You will regret this," it hissed at him._

"_I'm sure I'll lose sleep tonight."_

"_You laugh now, vampire. But she will find you."_

"_And who would _she_ be?"_

_The demon only laughed, black liquid pouring from its mouth and gaping wound. "Death is a release from this place. Soon enough, you'll be wishing I had killed you."_

* * *

"Spike? Spike…"

As his eyelids opened, blue eyes met her green ones. Buffy had been watching him for over an hour.

Willow had returned to the hospital after the spell had worn off. Spike hadn't remembered as much as she'd hoped he would, but it was a start. With a few more doses of the potion, he might be able to recall the entire experience. _If_ they were able to try again. The spell had taken a slight toll on the vampire. He'd come out of his daze feeling a tad bit unwell, something she hadn't anticipated since he was undead. She'd warmed him up some blood and then she'd gotten the call from Buffy.

Dawn had woken up. She remembered everything about her "accident". It _had_ been Angelus who'd attacked them and he'd told her to let Buffy know she wasn't safe and neither was her little brat. There was no doubt in the younger girl's mind that if given the chance, he would kill them all. It was only the fact that Buffy and Camilla were already on their way back to Dawn's apartment that kept Spike from rushing out in his weakened condition. Eric had returned with determination to stay with his fiancé, especially since she was now awake. Dawn assured Buffy it was okay for her to leave; Willow had cast a hell of a protection spell on her room, after all.

Though she hadn't wanted to leave her sister, Buffy had also wanted to get back and find out what, if anything, Spike had learned. She was also slightly disappointed that he could only remember something about a desert and a turtle demon, but this at least gave Willow and the coven something to go on. Buffy could also tell the spell had affected Spike more negatively than Willow originally thought it would and that worried her. The witch wanted to do the spell again, and even though Spike acted like he was fine, Buffy could tell he wasn't. He'd slept through most of the night and the next morning. He'd also consumed five bags of blood from the butcher.

"Buffy?" Spike's eyes adjusted and focused on her face. Her eyes were full of concern.

She reached a hand out to smooth back his hair. "Are you feeling okay?"

"I've been worse," he said, sitting up on the bed. "How's Dawn?"

"She's good. Much better today. The doctors say she may even get to come home soon."

Spike nodded. He was glad the girl was okay, but as Buffy began filling him in on the details of what Dawn had told her about Angelus, he found himself even more angry than before. How had the git managed to lose his soul again? Sure, Angel was helper of the helpless, champion of the people, but take away his soul and he was one of the most ruthless, uncaring beings Spike had ever encountered. They were different, he and his grandsire. Not that Spike hadn't killed his fair share of innocents, but he'd never looked back, never relished in it. Not the way Angelus did.

And Spike had somehow managed to maintain a least a small portion of his humanity even after being turned. This small piece, combined with his love for the woman sitting next to him, had motivated him to seek out a legend halfway across the world. Why, he wondered, had Angel never thought to do that? Why had he never attempted to find a way to keep his soul intact? Maybe, Spike reasoned, it was because there was a small part of him that was still Angelus; a voice in the back of his head stopping him with lame excuses.

Not that any of this mattered to Buffy. She would always love tall, dark and forehead no matter what he did.

Well, he supposed that wasn't true anymore. If he hurt Camilla, Spike had no doubt the older vampire would be a Kansas song faster than he could blink. But as of yet, he'd made no move on the child. And, Spike thought, he'd best not even think about it.

"As soon as she's better, Dawn and Eric are boarding the first flight to England. They're going to stay with Giles and Xander at the council until we get this figured out. And I'm sending Cam with them." Buffy didn't sound too sure about the last part, but tried to keep her face neutral.

The idea of her daughter being away from her was slightly terrifying with a murderous vampire on the loose, but there was no safer place for her to be than the council, surrounded by slayers, watchers and the world's most powerful witches.

"And you're staying?" Spike asked skeptically.

"I have to. Until we find him."

And kill him. The words were left unspoken but they both knew it was probably inevitable.

Spike thought it odd that Buffy hadn't mentioned, at least not where he could hear, anything about restoring Angelus' soul.

"So it's you, me, and red then?"

"I don't know. Willow was talking about heading back early. She thinks she could be of help to the coven."

"May need her to do a little more magic before she leaves," Spike said.

Buffy knew he was talking about the spell she had cast on him to help him remember. "We'll find another way, Spike."

Yes, the spell had done a bloody number on him. He couldn't recall feeling that physically weak in quite some time. But he also knew he'd began to uncover important memories, memories that could help them find Angelus, or at the very least help figure out what happened to them after the witches had sent a black hole to devour them.

Buffy reached a hand out to touch the scar above his eyebrow. "If someone had told me a few months ago that we'd be here right now I'm not sure I would have believed it." She smiled slightly. "That night you found Camilla… when I saw that it was you who had her… I'm not sure I've ever been more relieved in my life."

"I'm not sure I've ever been so terrified," Spike admitted. "When she told me who her mum was, the idea of seeing you again…"

"You don't have to be terrified."

It was very reminiscent of another moment, years before. One they'd had right before she'd run off and snogged Peaches. Spike pushed the thought from his mind and Buffy leaned in and pressed her lips to his. The kiss was gentle and very sweet and cut short by a shrill voice ringing in their ears.

"Mr. Spike!"

Spike turned just in time to catch the girl as she dove into his lap. "Hey Bit."

"I'm so glad you're awake. Aunty Willow said you wasn't feeling good and so I had to leave you alone, but then you slept for a long long time and so I couldn't show you what I made."

"And what would that be?"

"Come on. Come on." She jumped down and began tugging on his hand. "I'll show you."

Spike looked to Buffy who just shrugged and smiled as her daughter dragged him from the room.

When they reached the living room she pulled him over to the couch and instructed him to sit down. Then she picked up a piece of paper off of the coffee table and handed it to him.

"I drawed this for you."

Spike looked at the picture she had drawn. It was a picture of three stick people. One was obviously Buffy, with blonde hair and what looked like a stick in one of her hands. The smaller one in the middle, he assumed was Camilla. It sported a bright pink dress and blonde pigtails. The third he was sure was supposed to be him. She'd drawn black clothes on it and no hair.

"What is this, Bit?" he asked.

"This is you, me and mommy," she said, pointing them each out respectively.

"Why don't I have hair?"

"You do," she said pointing at the top of the stickman's head. "I colored it white."

Spike laughed lightly.

"My teacher said to draw a picture of my fam-a-ly," she said. "She said to draw our mommies and daddies and I don't have a daddy. She said it was okay not to draw one but I wanted to cause everyone else has daddies."

Spike felt his anger rising again when he thought about the man who'd left Buffy to raise a child on her own. If he could see the bloody wanker he would have more than one unpleasant thing to say to him.

"Will you be my daddy?"

The question caught him off guard but Spike knew that if his heart could beat, it would have stopped at that moment. He looked over at Camilla and could tell by the look on her little face that she was beyond serious.

"I don't know if I can do that," he told her honestly.

"Why not?"

Why not? The list of reasons was long, but he couldn't reveal most of those reasons to her. She still didn't know he was technically dead and though he and Buffy seemed to be heading in a good direction, Spike couldn't convince himself that it would last. If the past was any indication, he was doomed to be unlucky in love.

"Because I'm too old," he said finally.

"Nuhuh. Grandpa Giles is mommy's daddy and he's way older than you."

Spike couldn't help but smile at that. "You've got a point, little bit."

"What's a point?"

"You ask too many questions."

"How else am I gonna know stuff?"

Spike looked back at the photo in his hands and tried to picture himself as a father. Surprisingly, it wasn't that hard. He already spent a lot of time with the girl. He'd played tea party and taken her to the zoo. He'd tucked her in to bed and told her stories, the not evil kind, of course. Would it really be that far of a stretch for him to take on the role of guardian to her? But there was still the matter of Buffy, and of him being undead.

"Will you maybe be my daddy?" she asked after a moment.

"I'll have to talk with your mum about that," he said finally. It was the best he could come up with that wouldn't scare her or hurt her feelings.

Camilla looked up at him and smiled. She had seen him kissing her mommy, and even though she would never even touch a boy cause she might get cooties, except Mr. Spike cause grown ups don't have cooties, it made her mommy happy. And she was sure her mommy loved Mr. Spike. Just as much as she did.

"I love you, Mr. Spike," she said, wrapping her small arms around one of his.

"I love you, too, bit."


	13. Chapter 13

Time passed with no further signs of Angelus. It seemed that his ultimate goal at this point was to hurt Buffy by proxy. He wanted to scare her, she knew. He wanted her to know he was coming for her last, after he'd taken care of everyone she cared about.

Willow had decided to stay longer, for which the slayer was grateful. She and Spike could take Angelus, if he ever decided to actually show his face, but who knew what else he would throw at them before then. In the past, Buffy would have had that go-get-em attitude, wanting to track him down herself. But now that she was a mother, her number one priority was to protect her daughter at all costs. Spike had stayed over every night since they'd returned from L.A.

At first, Buffy had insisted they stay in the City of Angels until Dawn was completely well, but after much persuasion, had opted to return to New York. Eric and Dawn promised to head their way as soon as she was able to, and then take Camilla and head across the ocean.

Buffy's fear and paranoia were beginning to get the best of her and the people around her, not just Spike and Willow, had begun to notice. She'd had to take some time off work so as not to completely freak out her co-workers. And if Angelus decided to make an attack on her personally, she didn't want to endanger innocent bystanders unnecessarily. And she didn't want to be away from Camilla for any amount of time. Not until she was safe with Giles and the other slayers.

This was the main reason Buffy was unable to focus on what she was doing at the current moment.

"Planning on serving the plastic, too, luv?"

Buffy snapped out of the trance she hadn't been aware that she was in. "Huh?" she said before following his gaze to the chicken she was rubbing with marinade, the chicken still in its plastic wrapped container. She cursed out loud, causing Spike to let out a chuckle.

"I'm just worried."

Spike leaned against the counter beside her. "They've only been gone half an hour."

"And any number of things could have happened to them by now," she said violently ripping the plastic off of the chicken breasts she intended to bake.

She felt a hand on hers and met the deep blue eyes of the man beside her.

"Let me."

She held his gaze for a few moments longer before dropping the chicken on the counter and taking a step back.

"Willow is a very powerful witch," Spike tried to reassure her, even though he had to admit, he didn't like the little girl being gone either.

Camilla had begged for over a week to leave the apartment and when Willow said she needed to do a little shopping, the girl had pleaded and pouted until Buffy had agreed. No one liked to be cooped up for too long and even though she would have rather pulled out her own eyelashes before letting her daughter out of her sight, Buffy knew she would be safest with Willow. And the witch had played a part in the decision as well. It would be good for all of them, she'd said. And promised to do whatever necessary to protect Cam were anything to happen.

Buffy walked to the sink to rinse her hands, whilst Spike removed the chicken from the plastic and placed it in the baking dish. He began pouring the ready-to-bake marinade over the chicken.

"They'll be back by 5:30," he continued, "Dawn and Eric should be here by 6:00, and we'll all have a nice, relaxing dinner together."

Buffy laughed, despite herself. "Well, aren't you Dr. Phil." She dried her hands on a kitchen towel and then opened the oven so Spike could put the chicken inside.

Spike gave her a mock-evil look and then went to wash his own hands.

"There won't be anything relaxing about dinner," Buffy said with a sigh. "We're all on edge. You forget Dawnie and Eric are only coming here because they were attacked once already." She looked out of the kitchen area towards the front door, willing it to open and reveal that Willow and her daughter had returned early.

Buffy felt arms wrap around her from behind and leaned back into Spike's embrace. His hard body pressing up against her made her thoughts drift to other things. They'd shared a few more kisses in the week or so that had passed, and it was becoming increasingly difficult for Buffy to ignore the warm sensations in her lower belly when they touched.

"I can think of something else that could help relax you," Spike said into her ear, sending a shivery sensation to the tips of her toes and… other places.

Spike realized after the words had left his mouth that that probably hadn't been the best phrasing. He'd meant that there was some wine in the cabinets, but he was beginning to think she would have little to no interest in that. She rubbed herself back against him, if only ever so slightly, and it caused him to have a shudder of his own.

He closed his eyes in an attempt to get control of himself before he let this get too far. He knew Buffy was stressed, she was tired, and she was worried beyond belief. He wasn't sure she was ready for this next step, but she was a grown woman, and she most definitely was not pulling away.

So instead of doing the smart thing, backing away from her and taking a cold shower, Spike began to trail kisses up and down her neck, earning himself another shiver and a soft moan.

Buffy closed her eyes, relishing in the sensation. She wanted him. God she wanted him. Her whole body ached, almost painfully. And why shouldn't she give into it? Her feelings for him were growing stronger with each passing day. He loved and cared for her daughter, and though he hadn't said it out loud, she was sure he still loved her, too.

She turned her head and the lips that had been working their way to her jaw, met hers with a passion she hadn't experienced in what seemed like lifetimes. Their tongues met and the kiss quickly gained intensity. She turned completely in his arms and pressed her body flush against his as she wrapped her arms around his neck.

This was it. If she didn't stop this now, there would be no turning back. But could she possibly want to turn back at this point? After everything that had happened in the past few months? No, going back now would be stupid… pointless and painful.

So instead, she kept her mouth pressed firmly against his as she led him toward the bedroom.

* * *

He was sick of this, walking in the shadows. It felt like an eternity since he'd seen the sunlight, felt it on his skin. But it was in the shadows that he could travel unnoticed, where he could watch without being seen.

The little girl was wearing a yellow dress today, one he'd never seen her wear before. He didn't like the color. It was too bright, too noticeable. It would be easier for someone to spot her in such a dress. He much preferred the navy blue one she'd been wearing on her last day of school before Buffy had pulled her out and kept her home.

It made it much more difficult to watch them whilst they were locked away in their tiny apartment. He could easily break in, he suspected, but he didn't know what he might find once he did. The witch was there and he knew enough about magic to know not to cross her just yet. He'd wait until she returned to England. And he knew that she would, he'd heard her talking about it.

Then his only problem would be Spike. He felt anger rising in him as he thought about the undead bastard touching Buffy, kissing her. Even though he despised her and would enjoy watching her die, the idea of Buffy and the Billy Idol wannabe together filled him with rage.

The vampire had proved to be a pain in his ass, and now he was with Buffy and her daughter 24/7. But he already knew how to take care of that little problem.

The little girl and her guardian witch began to move again, having paid for their items. He watched them make their way towards the exit and then, slowly, followed after them. Always remaining in the shadows.

It was only a matter of time now.

* * *

Buffy curled up to his side and put her head on his chest. "I almost forgot how good that could feel."

Spike absently ran a hand up and down her back. He still could not quite wrap his head around the fact that they'd just shagged, and she was not running away. Instead, she seemed content to lie there forever. He sure as hell was. He had imagined this moment many times, but until recently, he'd never thought it would actually happen. He loved this woman with all of his un-beating heart and knew that no matter what happened, he always would.

He thought again about what Camilla had asked him, about being her daddy. He hadn't brought it up to Buffy and suspected Cam hadn't either. He wasn't sure if now was the best time. Sure, they had slept together, but that didn't mean she was ready for him to take on such a great role in hers and her daughter's lives.

"Luv, there's something I've been meaning to talk to you about."

"Shoot," Buffy said with a contented sigh. She hadn't felt this relaxed in a long time and wanted to bask in every moment of it.

Spike took an unneeded breath. "The bit asked me to be her dad."

His statement caught Buffy off guard and she moved her head to look at him. She hadn't expected that. She knew Camilla was fond of Spike, had heard her say she loved him, but asking him to be her dad… that was something new. It wasn't that the idea was an unpleasant one. And it wasn't that she herself had not considered the possibility. But last time she had been thinking about the future, it had scared her into pulling away from him and demanding friendship. She didn't want that to happen again.

"And what did you tell her?"

"I told her I would need to talk with you. I didn't know what else _to_ say. I've never been in this position before."

"She really loves you, you know."

Spike could sense the slight worry in her voice. "That bother you, does it?" he asked in a gentle tone.

Buffy's head snapped up towards him. "No, it doesn't bother me. It just… scares me a little. And I don't mean that in a bad way," she added quickly. "It's not that I think you'll hurt her. But…"

"But I'm a vampire."

It was something they'd both been skirting around since he had moved to New York and gotten himself more involved in her life. Sometimes it was easy for Buffy to forget that his heart didn't beat. She knew that in the long run things between them would probably get complicated, i.e. when she aged and he didn't. She'd probably caught up to him in human years by now and she would just keep getting older, whereas he would always be… however old he'd been when he'd died.

"I've always taught her that vampires were bad," Buffy continued. "I don't know how to suddenly explain that I meant all but one. A part of me thinks she could handle it, but she's only five."

Spike was surprised by the 'one' in her statement. Though Angeles was currently on a mission to destroy her, Spike always assumed Buffy would try to find a way to save him if she could. Though, she had yet to mention anything about trying to restore his soul, as far as he knew. He fought the urge to ask her why she'd given up on the supposed love of her life. Maybe she really had changed more than he'd originally thought.

"She's a tough little thing," Spike said. "Wonder where she gets that from."

Buffy smiled and placed a kiss on his lips. "Beats me."

"If you decide to keep me around, I may even start to rub off on her."

The slayer feigned a look of horror. "Oh God. I hadn't thought of that."

That earned her a slight poke to the ribs. Buffy jumped and immediately grabbed his hand. "Don't even…"

Spike did his best to look innocent. "What?"

"I'm not afraid to kick your ass."

He raised his eyebrow and gave her a sexy smirk. "That how you wanna play?"

Buffy nodded and ran a finger slowly down his chest, stopping right below his navel. "Is that a problem?"

In response, Spike flipped them over, more or less pinning her under him. Instead of fighting back, like he knew she was capable of, Buffy laughed. He kissed her again, more deeply this time and her arms drifted up and around his neck.

When he finally pulled back, she was gasping for breath. She found herself wondering how she had ever thought this wouldn't feel right. He was looking at her like he'd never seen another woman and it made something stir inside of her chest. She had fallen for him. Of that much, she was certain.

"Spike," she began. "I just want you to know… that I…" Buffy was cut off by the sudden change in Spike's demeanor "What?" she asked. The slight look of worry on his face caused her to inwardly panic.

"Do you smell that?" he asked, rolling off of her.

"Smell what?"

"Smoke."

Her first thought was that Angelus had found them and since he had not been invited into the apartment, had decided to burn the whole place to the ground. But Spike did not seem to be jumping out of bed and realization dawned on her.

"The chicken!" the slayer said, jumping up from the bed. She grabbed Spike's t-shirt from where it had been discarded on the floor and slipped it on as she walked quickly to the kitchen.

After putting his boxers back on, Spike followed her. Buffy pulled the burned remnants of the poultry on the stove and waved back the smoke. Luckily, Spike had smelled it before it could reach the smoke detectors. The last thing she needed was a visit from the local fire department.

"We burned it," she said with a sigh.

"In our defense, we were a little preoccupied."

Buffy couldn't help the smile that appeared on her face. One of the things she had been most afraid of in taking the next step with Spike was how she would feel after. When they'd been sleeping together in Sunnydale, she always felt somewhat guilty and wrong afterward. And though she was sure that she cared deeply for him now, the fear that it wouldn't feel right had been set in the back of her mind. But now that fear had been relinquished. Being with him had felt nothing short of incredible and there had been nothing wrong about it.

"We could try to fix it," she said, as he approached her, giving their ruined dinner a once over.

"I think it's a lost cause, luv."

"Maybe we should just order pizza."

Spike nodded in agreement as Buffy picked up the phone to call Domino's. After the pizza was ordered, Buffy gave a quick call to Willow to check on their whereabouts. After being reassured they would be back within the hour, Buffy hung up the phone and sighed. She hated worrying and these days, it was all she could seem to do.

"She's safe," Spike said, reassuringly.

"I know. I just…"

"You're being a good mum."

Spike took a step closer and she wrapped her arms around his mid-section, smiling up at him. "You're pretty great, you know that? Sometimes I still can't believe you're here."

Spike agreed fully with that statement. It was hard for him to believe it, too. He kept thinking he would wake up back in that hell of a desert dimension, all of this having been some demonic induced dream. He bent down and kissed her lips softly, reassuring himself she was really there.

"You know," Buffy said, "Willow said they wouldn't be back for an hour." Her tone was low and tinged with desire.

Spike was about to take full advantage of her offer when the door to the apartment swung open.

"Hey, Buffy, we're… here." Dawn's mouth dropped slightly open when she saw the more than half naked couple, both positioned to attack. "Whoa, just us."

Buffy and Spike let themselves relax when they realized it was Dawn and Eric standing in the door way. Neither had realized it, but they had both unconsciously been on full alert.

"Ever heard of knocking?" Buffy demanded of her sister, unable to keep anger in her voice. Truthfully, she was more than thankful that Dawn and Eric were finally here. With them in close proximity, it would be one less thing she had to worry about.

"Uhh, Buffy…" Dawn said with a slight forced cough.

Buffy realized Dawn was non-discretely pointing at her. The slayer looked down at herself and realized she wasn't wearing pants… or underwear. She tried desperately to pull the black t-shirt down over her naked thighs.

"Well, this is awkward," Dawn said.

"We're just gonna… go put some clothes on," Buffy said, backing towards the bedroom.

Spike gave a nod to the two younger people and followed after Buffy.

"Great. The day they finally decide to have sex has to be the same day we show up," Dawn said, dropping her duffel bag on the floor beside the couch.

"I told you to knock," Eric said.

* * *

"I thought you two weren't due in until later," Buffy said.

"We weren't, but we decided to catch an earlier flight," her sister explained. "We thought we'd surprise you, but it looks like we were the ones surprised."

Buffy fought the blush that threatened to redden her cheeks and threw a half-threatening glare at Dawn. "Surprises and Buffy are unmixy things. Especially when there's someone trying to kill us."

"When is there not someone trying to kill us?"

"It's like we're back in good ole Sunnyhell," Spike added.

"New monster of the week."

"Or not so new monster," Buffy said.

A moment of awkward silence overtook the group, each remembering the last time Angelus had wreaked havoc on them.

"But we'll deal with it. Like we always do," the slayer continued.

Spike fought the intense urge to ask her why she was acting like killing Angelus was an everyday thing that would be no problem. The last time she'd had to kill him, she'd run away from home. Or at least, that's what he'd heard. He reasoned that he would ask her later, once they were alone again. If that ever happened.

He heard them before the door opened.

Camilla stopped in the middle of her sentence, something about unicorns, and squealed. "Aunty Dawn!" She ran to her aunt, who embraced her with all of the strength she could muster.

Dawn had to admit that even though most of her wounds had healed and she felt a lot better, she was still not in peak condition and sometimes still found small tasks tiring. But she loved her niece and knew that if it came down to it, she would do anything she could to protect her.

The pizza arrived soon after Willow and Camilla and the lot of them sat down to eat and watch _the Little Mermaid_.

"So she's willing to leave her entire family to be with a guy she's known for a few days?" Buffy said skeptically.

"Apparently you've never analyzed the time span of any Disney movie," Dawn answered. "It's always love at first sight. And I can attest to the realness of that." She smiled at her fiancé.

"Me too," Eric supplied, giving her a light kiss.

Buffy shook her head but couldn't help but be happy for them. "I guess it just takes me a little longer." She spared a glance at Spike who picked up on her meaning.

If he'd been sitting closer to her, he would have done as Eric had and kissed her, but as it were, he was seated in the chair off of the end of the couch with Camilla sprawled out across his lap. She wasn't asleep, but she was close.

"Why don't they ever make Disney movies about two princesses falling in love?" Willow said, more to herself than anyone.

"You should write a letter to them and complain," Dawn said with a laugh. "I've even got the perfect storyline." She went into a whole spiel about how the Princess of kingdom one and the prince of kingdom two were set to be married. That is, until the princess met the prince's sister and fell madly in love.

"They both wear wedding dresses?" Camilla asked sleepily.

When Dawn told her they would the girl put a finger to her chin as if thinking hard about something.

"I think one should have pink and one should have purple," she said after a moment. "That would be so pretty." Then she said, "Aunty Willow, are you gonna marry a girl?"

Willow smiled at her adopted niece. "I hope so."

"Then you should wear the pink cause pink is my favoritest color and your hair is red like Ariel's."

Willow simply agreed with a smile that she would consider pink. Camilla then asked Dawn what color she was gonna be wearing and if she was gonna be a flower girl and what did flower girls have to do cause she didn't know how to be one. After her duties had been explained to her, Camilla seemed to get more excited about the prospect.

"That sounds really fun. And I can do it. I can do it in your wedding, too, Aunty Willow. And mommy's when she marries Mr. Spike."

All gazes in the room immediately went to Buffy. They all seemed to be silently asking, 'is there something you're not telling us?'

"Camilla, who told you I was marrying Spike?" Buffy asked, hoping she didn't hurt her lover's feelings in the process. It wasn't that the idea of marrying Spike was abhorrent, but he was a vampire and they had _just_ officially consummated their relationship a few hours ago.

"Nobody told me," she said as if that were obvious. "But I think you will."

"Let's not get ahead of ourselves, Bit." Spike knew the subject of marriage was not a comfortable one for Buffy, and given that it had taken her this long to even admit she wanted to be with him, he figured spending a lifetime in marital bliss was not even on the table. And may never be, given his slight problem of being undead.

"You have to marry Mr. Spike, mommy, cause then he can be my daddy. And then we can be a family and live happily ever after, just like Ariel."

And for the life of her, Buffy couldn't think of anything to say to that.


	14. Chapter 14

**Chapter 14**

_The bloody orb had been replaced by darkness. Not replaced really. He was sure it was still there. But the blackened forest made it impossible to see the sky._

_He had been walking. Time once again held no meaning with no way to tell the minutes were passing but the increase in the intensity of his hunger. And yet even that was not as bad as he would have thought it to be. It barely registered with him now. _

_The vines had grown thicker the deeper into the foliage he had wandered. His destination was unclear. He had only managed to go from one seemingly never-ending place to another. But it had to end somewhere. Unless this really was hell._

_Spike thought about the demon he'd killed. It had told him death was a relief from this place. Had it meant the forest or this world in its entirety? What kept sticking out in his mind was the demon demanding to know how it had gotten here. And why had the creature thought Spike was somehow responsible? Had the demon been too close to the hellmouth when he'd closed it?_

_There was a tugging at his mind again. Something was wrong about his thoughts. There was more… more that he could not remember. But it was no use in trying. He'd been trying for days, weeks maybe. _

_A strange noise coming from up ahead caught Spike's attention. His eyes scanned the area as he tried to see whoever or whatever was moving around him. But the dark vines hanging around him concealed the noise maker. He moved slowly forward, readying himself for a fight. Chances were, if there was one demon, there would be more._

_But as he inched forward, and the sound grew ever louder, he realized, aside from the rustling noise, he could also hear voices. He stopped and used his vampiric hearing to listen to what they were saying. _

"_I have no choice," a male voice was saying._

"_There is always a choice." The second voice, a feminine voice, was familiar. Too familiar. _

"_Not in this world."_

"_So I'm just supposed to go with you?"_

"_Yes, vampire."_

_The girl huffed. "Well, I don't need your help," she told him and Spike could picture her with her hands on her hips. "I was doing perfectly fine on my own."_

"_Like hell. I saved your ass from that sand worm. Though for the life of me, I can't figure out why."_

_Spike weighed his options as they continued to snap at each other. On the one hand, having potential companions on the journey through this unknown land was appealing. On the other, spending any length of time with at least one of the individuals on the other side of the thicket made him want to poke both of his eyes out. He had decided to chance making it on his own when he felt a hand on his shoulder. Spike inwardly cursed himself for not hearing the creature approach. He'd been too wrapped up in listening to the arguing._

"_Vampire," the creature said. It was taller than Spike by about two feet and had skin that looked more like scales, dark brown scales. "Do you wish to do us harm?"_

"_I guess that depends, mate."_

"_Mafius, I have found another vampire," it said._

_Mafius, the man who Spike presumed he'd heard talking, came pushing through the bushes. He was average height and build, but was obviously a demon. He was wearing an armored vest and short brown pants but his skin was completely blue. He was the perfect blend of a medieval soldier and a Smurf. _

_Another familiar thought tugged at the corner of his mind, but he couldn't quite get a grip on it._

"_Is he as… talkative as the other one?" Mafius asked._

"_Hey, was that an insult because I…" she broke off when she saw Spike, a mixture of anger and happiness on her face. "Blondie bear?" _

Spike opened his eyes and sat straight up on the bed. He was sweating and his body felt drained and tired, yet if he were human, he knew that he would probably be hyperventilating. Red's spell had done a number on him.

He'd been able to recover a few more memories from his time in wonderland, it seemed. Spike didn't feel _as_ drained this time, though it was probable that the dream had been leftovers from the last spell. He knew that if they were not able to find Angelus soon and stop him, he would have to try the spell again. And if the first go round was any indication, Spike wasn't sure he'd survive what it would take to remember everything that had happened to him.

The bedroom was dark, but his super human eyesight allowed him to see the sleeping form beside him. She was curled up into a little ball, snoring softly. Her mother was on her other side, seemingly in a deep sleep.

He reached out and brushed the hair back from the little girl's face. She'd asked him to be her father, told him she loved him, which put her on the short list of people who ever had, and he loved her, with all of his un-beating heart. Spike had never wished so badly that he was human. He wanted nothing more than to spend his life with Camilla and her mother, and even the short 50 or so years they would have together would be worth everything.

But Spike knew that if he were human now, he would not be able to protect the girl and the gods only knew how many more threats lied in wait to attack Buffy and her daughter in the future. He sighed, knowing full well that the day would come when he would have to let them go, and he dreaded it with all of his being.

"Alright, time to go," the younger Summers said with a look at her watch. "Don't wanna miss our flight. You know Giles gets upset when he has to wait."

"I can't wait to see Grandpa Giles," Camilla said. "He said he has a present for me. And Uncle Xander promised to take me to the big clock."

Since she had found out she was going to England, Camilla had asked Spike a hundred questions about it. He'd told her a few sights he'd enjoyed seeing as a boy and as an adult, changing a few facts around so as not to give away his true age. He'd shown her pictures on the computer of a few different things and she'd decided that Big Ben was on the top of her list of things to see. Though the council was not in London, it was close enough that they could take a day trip down there.

Buffy didn't seem keen on the idea of them ever leaving the council at all, and Xander had promised they wouldn't until they were sure Angelus was taken care of. But nonetheless, the little girl was all kinds of excited at getting to take a trip. She didn't fully understand why she was going whereas her mommy and Mr. Spike were staying at home, and Buffy hadn't wanted to frighten her with the details. All they had told her about the whole situation was that there was something mommy and Mr. Spike had to do before they came to England. Buffy assured her they wouldn't be far behind and only hoped she was right.

She wanted this whole situation with Angelus to be over. How many times would she have to face her ex-lover's malicious alter ego? Once upon a time, the idea of having to take him out would have devastated her, but now that she was a mother, now that he'd harmed her family, it was only a dull ache of emotion. She had considered trying to save him and knew Willow could perform the soul restoration spell, but how long would it be before he lost it again?

Buffy had found herself wishing that he would be like Spike and earn his soul, the permanent kind that he could not lose no matter how much happiness he experienced. It was almost comical, she realized, that for so many years she had pushed Spike away because he wasn't more like Angel and now she wished Angel was more like him.

She couldn't let herself dwell on her first love for too long though because she would start to remember everything good about him and she couldn't let herself do that. She knew he would always hold a small part of her heart, but an even bigger part now belonged to the man in front of her, the one currently holding a Barbie backpack and a stuffed monkey. Buffy smiled as she watched him listening intently to Camilla run over the list of items that she _had_ to take with her.

'She really loves him,' Buffy thought. 'And so do I.'

The thought caught her a little off guard and she was glad no one was looking in her direction. They would surely ask about the look she knew was on her face.

She loved him.

And it was more than a friendship, more than a lover, more than two people who'd bonded over their ability to kill a demon. It was love, real love, pure and simple.

She was in love with him.

It was almost a relief to admit it to herself. She had been confused over her feelings for Spike for so long that knowing, truly knowing, felt like a giant weight had been lifted. And all of the problems that were sure to come with this understanding seemed insignificant and bothersome to think about. There would be plenty of time for worrying about that in the future, once they were safe again. Right now, Buffy decided to bask in her personal revelation and take all of the joy she could out of it.

"That's everything," Camilla announced proudly. "Are you ready to go, Lola?" she asked the monkey in Spike's arms.

Presumably, the animal said yes because the little girl placed her hands on her hips and looked at Dawn. "Ready," she said.

Dawn smiled at her and nodded to Eric. "Alright. Let's go then."

Buffy and Spike accompanied them to the airport, the slayer checking and double checking everything with her sister. She was so uneasy about sending Camilla out of the country without her, that Buffy almost changed her mind about the plan five times. But eventually she was able to calm her nerves a bit, enough so Camilla wouldn't be worried, and said goodbye to them at security. She hugged her daughter and promised her she would see her really soon.

After the three had disappeared into the crowd of flyers, Buffy and Spike headed back to the apartment. Willow had stayed behind. She was knee deep in research, making phone calls and trying to find anyone else that might be able to help them. The coven had still not been able to track the notorious vampire and was becoming increasingly sure that he must have a powerful Wiccan on his side.

Buffy's phone rang almost as soon as they walked into the apartment. The caller ID told her that it was her sister.

"I thought you were supposed to turn your phones off on the plane," she said when she answered.

"She's gone, Buffy," Dawn cried from the other end of the line.

"What do you mean, she's gone?" Buffy asked, trying to stay calm though thousands of terrible scenarios ran through her head.

"Camilla, she's gone. Someone took her."

_Gone._

That was the only word that stood out in her mind. Gone.

"Buffy, I swear it was just for a second." Dawn was in hysterics.

But the slayer wasn't listening anymore. Camilla was gone. And it was probable that Angelus had taken her. Less than an hour. That's how long they had been gone from the airport. Less than one hour. She knew sending Camilla without her had been a mistake. The phone slipped from her hand onto the floor.

"Buffy," Spike said, concern evident in his voice. Her face had paled completely.

He picked up the phone from the floor. "Dawn, what happened?" Spike tried to keep his voice calm, but it was difficult.

Dawn tried to explain through her tears, but eventually Eric had to take the phone to relay the story.

"They were standing in line to get a soda. Dawn let go of Camilla's hand for just a second to pay for it and when she look down… Cam was just gone. We looked everywhere. They've put out an alert. Security is looking for her."

"And where the bloody hell were you in all of this, mate?" Spike asked, unable to keep the anger out of his voice.

"I had to go to the bathroom," Eric said. "I was gone for five minutes."

Spike bit his tongue to keep from yelling at the wanker. "You left them alone," he gritted out. "You left them alone when you know Angelus is after her!"

The man on the other line seemed distressed and didn't even attempt to defend his actions.

"If you had something to do with this…" Spike started, already plotting painful ways to kill the bloke if he was somehow involved.

How well did any of them really know Eric? Dawn herself had only known him for a little over a year. Thoughts ran through Spike's head at a rapid pace. What if the whole thing had been a plot, a way to get closer to Buffy and her daughter? Eric was a decent enough looking guy. He was smart, charming… the perfect weapon. And conveniently he had not been injured in their assault, aside from a mere broken arm.

Spike's thoughts were interrupted when Eric spoke. "I would never do something like that. I would never hurt Dawn or Camilla or anyone," he protested.

"I hope for your sake you are telling the truth, mate. Because if I find out you're lying…"

"You won't."

Spike hung up the phone and slammed it down on the table. If Angelus dared lay his hands on Camilla, he would rip his grandsire limb from limb. And he was sure Buffy would do the same. Spike realized she hadn't spoken since she'd dropped the phone and he turned around to look for her, thinking she may already be on her way to the airport.

Instead she was standing exactly where she had been and had a blank expression on her face. Spike got a sense of de ja vu accompanied by a minute feeling of panic.

"No you don't, slayer. Not again." He walked over to her and put his hands on her shoulders. "Buffy? Buffy, look at me." But her eyes would not focus. They just stared through him. "Buffy," he tried again, shaking her slightly. "Stay with me. I need you to stay with me," he said cupping her face in his hands. The last thing any of them needed was for her to go into another paralyzed coma like she'd done when Glory had taken Dawn all of those years ago.

He considered slapping her across the face as he had done the last time she sank into a comatose state, but remembered how ineffective it had been and opted for something he hadn't before. He kissed her.

At first she didn't respond, but slowly her lips began to move, and as soon as she seemed to realize what she was doing, she pulled away from him.

"What the hell are you doing? My daughter is missing and you want to make out?" she sounded furious and Spike sighed in relief.

"Sorry, luv, thought you were zoning out on me."

"Well I'm not." She still looked like she might punch him so Spike took a step back.

"We need a plan," Buffy said, her voice suddenly on the verge of tears. "We need to think. Where would he take her? Wha…what would he… he wouldn't… I…"

Spike took a small risk and took her hands into his own. "We'll find her." He tried to make his voice sound as reassuring as possible, but it fell on deaf ears.

"If he lays a hand on her, I swear to God…"

Buffy was struggling not to panic, not to completely lose it. That would do her absolutely no good. What she needed was to keep a level head. If she could do that, they would find her daughter. She had to believe that.

Willow came out of the bedroom and stared at the couple standing in front of her, both of whom looked upset and angry.

"What happened?" the witch asked.

Spike explained the situation and Willow immediately pulled out her map to do a locator spell. Buffy had snapped out of her daze and commenced pacing around the room, running through multiple scenarios, all in which involved the death of Angelus, in her head. She was trying desperately not to panic but it was becoming increasingly difficult the longer it took Willow to complete the spell.

The phone vibrated on the counter beside her and Buffy reached to pick it up. The number was unknown. It was _him_. It had to be.

"Where is my daughter?" she demanded, anger evident in her voice.

"Buffy," a male voice hissed from the other line.

"Who the hell is this?"

"Corner of 5th and Broadway. One hour. Come alone or she dies."

The line went dead before Buffy had the chance to respond. She hadn't recognized the voice, but that could be easily disguised. Whoever it had been had her daughter, and that was enough for Buffy. She knew it was stupid to go alone, dangerous even, but if there was any chance Camilla would be harmed… well, she just couldn't take that risk.

She glanced up at Willow and Spike. Her best friend was chanting whilst Spike was looking warily in Buffy's direction.

"Who was that?" he asked.

"No one."

Spike raised an eyebrow, clearly skeptical of her answer. Buffy silently pleaded with him to accept her response, but Spike was not one for subtly.

"I have to go alone," she told him.

Spike started to protest, but Buffy held a hand up to stop him. "I'll be alright. You stay here and wait for the locator spell. We're getting her back."

"Where are you going?"

"He called, told me where to meet."

"That easy?"

"No, it's probably a trap. But he has my daughter. I can't take the chance."

Spike nodded in understanding just as Willow called out Camilla's location. It wasn't the same address as the mysterious voice had provided.

"Go there," Buffy told Spike. "I'll go meet Angelus."

"Are you sure you wouldn't rather switch, luv? Are you sure you'll be able to off him if it comes to that?" There, he'd finally asked the question that had been on his mind for weeks. Would Buffy be able to send his grandsire back to hell, and without regret? He feared what he might see in her eyes, but when he looked into them, there was only determination.

"Yes."

* * *

A bloody warehouse. That's where Red's spell had led him. Spike let out a growl of frustration. He'd had quite enough of warehouses for one eternity. He listened with his vampiric ears for any sounds within, but the buzzing of the florescent street lights combined with the thick steal of the walls made it impossible.

Spike had prepared himself for a fight, assuming Angelus would have the warehouse guarded by some of his lackeys, but even as he entered the large dark building, he still heard nothing.

There were crates stacked ten feet high with a small path cut between them and the warehouse smelled faintly of mold and sawdust. Spike made his way through the building as quietly as he could manage, ears open for any sound. He was preparing to curse Red aloud for not giving him more specifics when he heard it. A tiny sound. A whimper.

An intense feeling of deja vu washed over Spike and he knew instantly that the sound had come from Camilla. All thoughts of stealth tossed aside, Spike ran in the direction of the cry. His whole body was instantly flooded with relief when he saw her. She looked frightened at first, as if she had been caught, but when she realized who he was, she flung her little body at him.

"Mr. Spike!"

Spike fell to his knees and took her into his arms, squeezing her tight. "Bit, are you alright?"

She shook her head up and down, the universal sign for yes, but she looked far from it. She was shaking and sniffling against his shirt. Spike continued to hold her and wasn't sure he'd ever been happier to see anyone in his life. This little girl, he realized, was his world now. When she had finally calmed down, he pulled back to look at her. She didn't look injured in any way, but he knew he had to get her out of here.

"Let's get you home, huh?" he said and she nodded. Spike stood to his feet and looked around. He still hadn't seen any signs of Angelus or any mindless followers. "Cam, who brought you here?"

Before she could answer, a voice from behind them made his spin stiffen.

"Camilla. There you are. I've been looking all over for you, you little sneak."

She looked warily at the man and stepped closer to Spike, who turned and sized the wanker up. He was average height and build, and he was human. Spike wondered why Angelus would leave a human guarding the girl. This man could be taken out in an instant, and if Camilla hadn't been standing right beside him, the bloke would have been dead already.

"Who the bloody hell are you?" Spike demanded, expecting the git to say something smart ass or challenging.

Instead the man just smiled at him.

"I'm her father."


	15. Chapter 15

Spike couldn't be sure he'd heard right. This man couldn't be who he claimed he was; the man who had left Buffy alone to raise a child, his child. The man who'd broken her heart and made her doubt her own worth. No, this could not be the man, because if it was, Spike was sure he would kill him where he stood.

"I'm her father. Right sweetheart?"

She shook her head. "No, Spike is my daddy."

Martin looked beyond pissed. "That… thing is not your dad," he spat at her.

The girl looked frightened and that was all it took for Spike to shove the useless bastard away from Camilla and into a stack of wooden crates a good ten feet away. The crates crashed to the ground and a few cracked open with the force of impact.

"He… he said if I screamed or tried to get away that he would kill mommy," Camilla said.

"He's not going to hurt anyone," Spike told her, knowing full well that as soon as Buffy arrived, and Camilla was safely out of view, the only person hurt would be her sorry excuse for a father.

"I wouldn't be too sure about that." Martin wheezed, pushing himself up to a sitting position. "You're right about me. I may not be able to hurt you, but if you take my daughter, I can guarantee you and my leftovers will both be six feet under."

Martin was hanging by the collar of his shirt before he could take another breath.

"What did you say?" Spike asked, shaking the man whose feet were no longer touching the floor.

Martin tried to laugh but a fractured rib prevented it. "Take her and you die."

"And who exactly is gonna stop me, mate? You? Because right now, you can barely breathe on your own."

"Not me," Martin said and Spike dropped one half of Martin's shirt and used the free fist to punch him in the side of the face.

Spike dropped the man back to the floor, satisfied with the blood trickling from his mouth.

"Who?" the vampire demanded.

"I think you already know."

"You and I don't know each other that well," Spike said, walking back to where Camilla was crouched on the ground. "But I don't like cryptic answers. So you can either tell me what I want to know or I'll get the little one to safety and you and I will have a go."

Martin tried to keep up his façade of toughness, but the pain in his abdomen, combined with the new aching in his jaw made it difficult. This had not been a part of the plan. He was supposed to get his daughter and get out of town. But the girl had rejected him, run from him, and somehow Spike was not dead. He'd been promised the Brit would be the first to die, and yet here he was, saving the day like some kind of hero.

"Who are you working for?" Spike asked again.

"I don't work for anybody," Martin said, managing to stand to his feet. He regained some of his defiance. When Spike made a move towards him, he continued. "I made a deal with the vampire. He wanted that selfish bitch, I wanted my daughter back. I help him get what he wants; he helps me get what I want. It's a win win."

"A vampire? You mean Angelus?"

Martin nodded, giving Spike a bloody smile.

"And you really think Angelus will hold up his end of the bargain?" Spike asked. "You're a bigger git than I thought."

"He already did. I have my daughter, don't I? There's no reason for him to go back on our deal now. I fulfilled my part. Buffy will be on her way to him right now," Martin said smugly.

He'd been the one to call Buffy, Spike surmised, not Angelus. But they had been correct in their assumption that the whole thing was a trap. Spike took solace in the fact that Buffy hadn't hesitated to say she would kill Angelus if it came down to it. Even still, he wanted to get Camilla back to Red and find the slayer.

"Or she won't."

A knowing smirk appeared on Spike's face. Seems he wouldn't have to find her after all.

Martin on the other hand looked nothing shy of pissed the hell off. His plan was breaking apart at the seams. He cursed out loud. "How are you alive?" he demanded angrily.

"I could ask you the same question," Buffy said. "But I really don't care."

"Mommy!" Camilla shouted suddenly and Buffy was instantly at the girl's side, checking her over as Spike had done. When she was satisfied that her daughter was not hurt she pulled her into her embrace and held her there. This was the second time in a year Camilla had been taken from her and she would be damned if she let it happen again.

The thought entered her mind that maybe the first time Camilla had gone missing had not been an accident, but maybe a failed attempt by Martin to get her, which begged the question, why did her asshole of an ex suddenly have such an interest in their daughter.

Spike put a hand on Buffy's shoulder, though never took his eyes off of the fuming man across from him. All he needed was permission from Buffy and Martin would never hurt anyone ever again.

"So you're with this Billy Idol wannabe?" Martin asked, his voice wavering despite his attempted valor.

Spike made a growling noise. Stupid wanker. He would never forgive the rocker for stealing his look.

"You think he can make you happy?" Martin continued. "You think he can be a father to our daughter?"

"_Our_ daughter? Since when was she _our_ daughter?" Buffy said, standing to her feet. "Where were you when she was keeping me up every night? On her birthdays? Or when she was born for that matter? You weren't there. You left us, you son of a bitch."

"No, I left _you_. It was you who wasn't good enough. Not her."

The words stung, but Buffy kept her composure. She'd cried enough tears over this bastard. She wouldn't cry anymore. "He does make me happy," she said, answering his earlier question. "Spike. He makes me very happy. Happier than I've ever been. And he is more of a father to Camilla than you will ever be."

Spike was shocked at her confession, elated even, but kept his face hard. Now wasn't the time to be mushy.

"We'll see about that." Martin turned his gaze towards the little girl, who was now holding on to Spike's leg with all her might. She was scared of him, he knew. But not as scared as she would be of the cocky Brit once she knew the truth. "Does she know?" Martin asked too pleasantly.

"Know what?" Buffy demanded angrily.

"That her new daddy isn't a man at all. He's a monster." He directed the last part at Camilla.

She looked confused for a moment and looked up at Spike. "What is he talking about?" she asked him.

"It's nothing, sweetheart," Buffy said. "He's a liar."

"I'm the liar? I'm not the one letting a vampire help raise my daughter."

Camilla looked back and forth between the three adults. Even at five she could read the guilt on both her mommy's and Mr. Spike's faces. She let go of Spike's leg and backed up a little. "You said you weren't a monster."

"I'm not, Nibblet."

"But… but…vampires are monsters."

Spike knelt down in front of her. "Most of them are. But I would never hurt you."

Buffy took a cautious step towards them. She had dreaded this moment for a while now and didn't know exactly how her daughter would take this news. She readied herself for all of the possibilities.

"Can I see your crinklies?" Cam asked Spike, somewhat curiously.

He looked to Buffy for permission and she nodded her head yes. Spike took an unneeded breath and let his vampire face slip on.

Camilla jumped back and stared at him with wide eyes. She seemed surprised but she didn't look scared. Then, ever so slowly, she began inching back toward him. She had crinkled her own brow and was studying his face, her head tilted slightly to the right. After a moment, she reached her hand up to touch his forehead. She jerked it back at first, and laughed. "I never seed a bampire this close before," she said, her hand returning to trace the lines on his face. "This is so cool."

Buffy didn't know whether to be relieved or worried that her daughter thought seeing vampires up close was cool. At the current moment, relief seemed to win out.

Martin, on the other hand, was far from relieved. He was angry, standing just this side of rage. He had been sure that would work. Revealing that her so-called-father-figure was dead was supposed to scare the child, not make her love the blood sucking bastard more. His plan was falling apart, piece by piece. And he could not let that happen.

"You stupid little brat," he yelled at the child. "I am your father. Me. Not some talking corpse. And you _will_ love me."

Spike's face had returned to normal but now threatened to vamp out on this wanker.

"No I won't," Camilla yelled back at him. "You're scary and mean and I hate you."

As Martin made a move at Cam, Buffy stepped in his path and shoved a hand into his chest, causing him to fall backwards onto the ground. "Don't you dare threaten my daughter."

"Or what?" he challenged, though his ribs protested in pain.

"Get her out of here, Spike. I've got this," Buffy said over her shoulder, her glaring eyes never leaving her ex.

The vampire nodded and lifted the girl off of the ground. "C'mon, bit, let's get you home."

Camilla wrapped her arms around his neck and after they'd made it outside, she looked at him seriously. "He won't hurt mommy will he?"

"No, little bit." But I can't promise mommy won't hurt him, he added in his head. Spike did his best to soothe her and fought the growing urge to run back inside and rip the other man's head right off of his body.

* * *

"You can't keep her from me," Martin said. "I _will_ get my daughter back." He rose up from the ground and tried his best to look defiant, ignoring the stabbing pain in his abdomen.

"Over my dead body."

"Well, you see. That can be arranged." He took a step closer to her. "Because," he whispered. "I made a deal with the devil." An almost psychotic smile formed on his face. "And as luck would have it, the devil only wants one thing… you."

Buffy just watched as he rambled, wondering what had ever attracted her to this man in the first place. Had it been that he was normal? Good looking? Successful? Whatever it had been, it was gone now and in its place was only hate. She hated him with all of her being. For leaving. For coming back. For trying to hurt Camilla. For hurting her.

"It took me a while to realize that you were right. Having a child is one of the greatest gifts you can get. Especially when they come with great tax benefits. And did you know the state will even give you money to raise them? They're like little gold mines."

"You're a real piece of work, you know that?" Buffy said becoming even more angry.

"Like you're such a saint. He told me… about all the things you've done. How much blood is on your hands, Buffy?"

"_Who_ told you?" she demanded, though she suspected she already knew.

"And he was right about you. You're not fit to be a mother. What kind of mother would leave the care of her child to a vampire? To someone who's not even alive? He could be killing her right now, draining her blood, and you're too busy fighting with me to even care. I am her flesh and blood. She is mine and I will hav…" he broke off as he felt his chest catch fire. A cough emanated from his throat, accompanied by a stream of blood.

Martin looked down in shock at the poll now protruding from his chest. Buffy's eyes were wide but she hadn't made a sound. She was no longer focusing on the man dying in front of her. Instead her eyes were locked on the one wielding the weapon.

Angelus yanked the poll out of his victim and the now lifeless body fell to the ground. "Sorry," he said unsympathetically. "I couldn't listen to any more of that whining." He smiled cruelly at her. "Now it looks like it's just you and me, lover."

* * *

Dawn was at her wits end. Buffy and Spike had been gone for over an hour and neither had called or answered their phones when she'd tried to call them. Eric had been attempting to calm her, but she was in near panic mode now. Camilla could be dead, and it was all her fault.

"They'll find her," Eric tried again.

"And what if they don't, Eric? What if we never see her again? Or worse, what if they find her… what if they find her and she's already dead?" A choked sob escaped from her throat.

Her fiancé stood to his feet and took her into his arms. She resisted a little at first but when he refused to let go, she gave in and let him hold her, though as far as she was concerned, she didn't deserve even the least bit of comfort. Not until her niece was home safe.

Willow emerged from the bedroom with a book in her hand. "Anything?" she asked and Eric shook his head no. The witch sighed and returned to her spell, wishing she had gone with them.

Her spell had revealed two humans in the building, one of which was Camilla, and no vampires. She was hopeful that they'd found the girl and just hadn't thought to call yet.

Re-entering the bedroom, Willow glanced down at the map so see if there had been any change. The building where Camilla had been now housed a single human and a vampire. Willow could only hope and pray to the powers that be that the vampire was Spike.

Angelus was behind this… somehow. And she would find out how and why he was tormenting Buffy. She had to convince Spike to let her try the spell on him again, the one to help him regain his memories. If… no… when they returned, she would cast it, stronger this time. There had to be something in Spike's brain that could help them. There just had to be.

* * *

"What do you want?" Buffy ground out.

"What do I want? Isn't it obvious? I want to finish what we started." He stepped over Martin's body and sauntered towards her, an evil smile playing on his lips. "Our last fight… wasn't a fair one. What with pesky little witches and their spells."

"I had you long before the spell was complete."

"Is that so?"

He walked ever closer and Buffy fought the urge to step back. She had to stay strong, remember everything he'd done to her daughter, her sister. The man in front of her was not the man she had loved, and furthermore, didn't want to be. And she'd also come to wonder if there had always been a part of Angel that longed for his dark side. He'd been cursed with a soul a couple of times now and never once had he, to her knowledge, searched for a way to make it permanent. She knew there _was_ a way as Spike had managed to find it in a matter of weeks.

"I seem to recall a certain amount of… hesitation on your part. I can sense it now, too."

Buffy glared at him.

"I can also sense your anger. I love that," he said, evil smile still intact. "Anger is almost as much fun as fear. I've really enjoyed these last few months. I hadn't planned for the fun to end so soon, but some people just don't have patience."

"Me among them. So, are we gonna do this or are you just gonna keep talking all night?" Buffy challenged.

Angelus laughed lightly. "So eager to die."

"We'll see." Her fist connected with his jaw before he could give another snarky response. His head jerked back to the right.

"Now that hurt." The smile was gone from his face.

His fist flew in her direction, but Buffy ducked just in time to avoid the blow. She attempted to use her leg to trip him, but he was too fast, jumping over her leg and landing a punch to the side of her head. Though she was a bit dazed, Buffy was on her feet in time to block his next attempted hit.

"I almost forgot how much fun it was to fight you."

Buffy ignored him, swinging her leg back around at his torso. Angelus caught her foot and jerked, causing Buffy to lose her balance. She managed a complete backflip and landed, crouched in a cat-like pose. She pushed herself up and ran at him full speed landing a few jabs to his chest before he grabbed her arm and rammed his fist into her midsection.

She doubled over but only for a moment. They continued throwing punches and kicks at each other until Buffy realized this was going nowhere. Angelus wasn't trying to kill her, he wasn't trying hard enough. Instead he seemed to be enjoying himself, as if they were sparring for fun. The thought angered Buffy immensely. The bastard had hurt her sister, helped her asshole of an ex kidnap her daughter, and was planning God only knew what else.

She'd thought his whole plan had been about her. That he'd wanted to play with her, hurting the people she cared about before coming for her. But if that were his plan, if she was all he wanted, then why wasn't he trying harder to kill her? And why was he letting her get the upper hand now?

Buffy rolled away from him to grab a shard of broken crate. A make-shift stake. Did it really matter why he was half-assing this fight? Angelus had been a problem for too long now, and it was time that she took care of him, once and for all. Without hesitation, the last thing Buffy needed was to second guess her decision, she ran toward him, dodging a blow and pushing him back against the wall with all of her strength. She pulled the stake back, ready to plunge it into his chest, but paused as Angelus held both of his hands in the air, in mock-surrender.

"Giving up so easily," Buffy found herself saying. In her mind, a little voice was chanting, less talky, more stakey.

His malicious smile had returned. "You can't do it," he teased. "After all, your lover's in here somewhere."

"I killed him once. I can do it again," she replied matter-o-factly.

"But this time is different. You dust me, there's no chance in hell either of us comes back. You really think you can live with that? It nearly destroyed you before."

"Yeah," Buffy said almost sadly, dropping her hand slightly. "It did."

Angelus looked smug for only a moment before the stake was protruding from his chest.

"But not this time."

She'd held onto the memories of Angel, the man she'd loved, for far too long. Buffy wasn't so arrogant as to think this wouldn't affect her. In fact, she was sure it would. Last time she'd killed him, it _had_ nearly destroyed her. Nearly. But that was when she was seventeen, when losing her boyfriend had been the worst thing that had ever happened to her. She was older now, an adult, a mother, someone who could live with this loss. It would hurt, but not as much as it had back then. He was not the love of her life, not anymore.

Buffy stepped back and waited. When he didn't immediately turn to dust, her brow crinkled in confusion. She had hit the heart, she was sure of it.

The smile had slowly returned to Angelus' lips. He reached up and slowly pulled the stake out of his chest, dropping it to the ground. "Bravo. I didn't think you had it in you, kid. Guess you really have grown up."

Buffy's eyes widened as he neared her. Why was he not dead?

"See I've learned a thing or two since last we met."

"How?" was all Buffy could force past her lips.

"You think it's gonna be that easy? You ask and I give you the answers?" He laughed cruelly.

"Well yeah."

"And what fun would that be?"

He landed a kick to her side, enough to disorient her long enough for him to grab her by her neck and lift her off of the ground. Buffy struggled to free herself from his grasp, but the lack of oxygen was making it difficult.

"I could tell you, but I'd rather let you stew on it for just a bit longer."

With that said, Angelus brought her closer to the metal wall of the warehouse. Her head slammed into the wall once, twice, three times.

And everything went black.

* * *

"It could be a protection spell."

"Is that possible?" Dawn asked. "For a vampire to 'protect' themselves from being staked?"

Willow shrugged. "I've never seen it done this way, but that doesn't mean it's impossible. You remember the Gem of Amara?"

"But Angel destroyed that," Dawn replied. "And it was some kind of rarity. Unless he managed to find another cursed piece of jewelry. Did you happen to see anything, Buffy?"

The slayer shook her head, the head that was still pounding from being bashed into a wall. After Spike had gotten Camilla home safe and sound, he'd returned to find Buffy lying unconscious on the warehouse floor. It wasn't until they'd gotten back to the apartment that she'd come to, and revealed that Martin hadn't been alone. Spike was infuriated to know his grandsire had shown up and hurt Buffy. If he'd known, he'd have called Willow to pick up the girl and never left Buffy alone with tall, dark and forehead. Not that he didn't think she could handle herself in a fight against Angelus, she'd beaten him before, but now that he had some sort of magic on his side, Spike was sure he was capable of almost anything.

"Either way there's not much we can do," Giles' voice said through the speaker. "Until we determine what caused this. Perhaps if we research…"

"There is one thing we can do," Willow said, interrupting Giles before he could go on a research tangent.

Three sets of eyes rested on her.

"The spell… to help Spike regain his memories. There is a way to make it stronger. It will last longer and hold his subconscious until he remembers everything."

"Willow," Giles began.

"And I can bind myself to you with a spell that will allow me to see what you see," she told Spike, ignoring Giles' wary tone. "Everything you recover will project itself into my brain as well."

"Hold my subconscious? What the bloody hell does that mean?"

"In short, it means you won't be able to wake yourself up. Not until there are no memories left to recover."

"But…?" Buffy interjected, suspecting there was something Willow was holding back.

"But, it's dangerous. Last time the spell affected Spike more negatively than I thought it would, and it was a weaker incantation."

"So if he does the spell, it could actually hurt him? Physically?"

Willow nodded. "The odds are in favor of it having extreme dire effects. There's also a chance, a very good chance, he might not be able to break free from the memories. If it takes too long to recover them… His body will be weakened by the spell every second he's under. Though, time in the memory and time here work differently. Days there could amount to mere minutes here. I can't be one hundred percent sure."

"Then how sure are you?" Buffy asked, anger seeping into her voice.

Willow shrugged apologetically. "I can't give you a number, Buffy."

"The coven hasn't used this spell before?"

"They have."

"So…?"

The witch took a deep breath. "No one's ever recovered."

"What does that mean, never recovered?" Buffy asked, a certain edge to her voice.

But Spike understood the witch's meaning immediately. In order to save Buffy and Camilla, he would have to die.


	16. Chapter 16

**A/N: So this is the last official chapter of the story. There will be an epilogue to follow, just so you know.**

"No, Spike, you can't. It's too risky."

"This could help us take down Angelus," he replied.

"You could die," Buffy said, emotion filling her voice.

She hadn't come straight out and said the words, but Willow had heavily implied that if she were to cast the spell, Spike's chances for survival were practically non-existent. Furthermore, he might not be able to recover many of the memories at all. As it stood, he'd be the exception if he managed to remember everything before his body gave out.

"We _will_ find another way."

"There is no other way, Slayer," Spike yelled, frustrated that he couldn't make her understand.

Willow had even admitted as to having tried the soul restoration spell. When Buffy and Spike had gone searching for Camilla, she'd decided to cast it. She had realized it would be an easier option than casting the memory spell on Spike again, and hadn't had time to consult with Buffy. But much to her dismay, it was obvious the spell had failed after Buffy and Spike had returned. Whatever power Angelus had, it was protecting him from magic.

"This is it. This is all we've got. Would you rather me die a few weeks from now when he's assembled an army or whatever the bloody hell he plans to do? And Camilla… Are you really willing to risk the safety of your daughter?"

"That is _not_ fair," Buffy ground out. "You know I would do anything for Cam…"

"So would I."

"Why are you so quick to jump into this? I thought you didn't trust magic. Something about consequences."

"To hell with the consequences."

Though he wasn't Camilla's real father, and never would be, Spike couldn't help but feel like she was his. He had never even felt this protective of Dawn when he'd been tasked with watching out for her when Buffy was gone those few months. But something about the little girl brought out a part of him that he never even knew existed. And the thought of leaving her… leaving Buffy… made him feel hollow inside. But he couldn't sit around and wait for Angelus to attack them again.

"Giles is doing research. All of us are looking. There is no reason…"

"You, Buffy, you are the reason. Camilla, she's the reason. And you know as well as I do that sticking our sodding noses in books won't help this time."

Buffy shook her head at him and crossed her arms defiantly. "I'm not letting you do this. I'm not letting you kill yourself."

"And exactly how do you plan to stop me?"

"Beat you down, tie you up. Whatever I have to."

"I don't have to be free for the spell to work."

"Then I'll talk to Willow. She won't do the spell."

"Why? Because you forbid her? How often has that worked out for you?"

Buffy just glared at him. She couldn't let him do this. She couldn't let him die for her. Not again. Last time she'd walked away from him, left him to burn in the hellmouth, had been hard, but somehow she'd known it was the right thing to do. But this time… Nothing felt right about letting him go.

"Please, don't do this." Emotion had found its way back into her voice.

Spike took a step closer and put a hand against her cheek. She resisted the urge to slap it away. She didn't want his comfort right now. Didn't want to need it. Buffy tried to keep a grip on her anger, wanted to beat some sense into him. But when he moved to wrap his arms around her, her resolve seemed to melt and she embraced him in return.

She buried her head in his neck, willing herself not to cry. She'd seen this coming, known their relationship was too good to be true, doomed to end. She just hadn't realized that it would end with him dying… again.

Her lips found his neck and worked her way slowly along his jaw, finally finding his lips. She kissed him fervently, and he kissed her back, pulling her flat against his body.

When he tasted salt, Spike pulled back. There were tears in Buffy's bright green eyes.

"I love you," she said.

Spike had always wondered what this moment would feel like. But out of all possible scenarios he had concocted in his brain, none had ever been so bittersweet.

* * *

"I still don't understand," Dawn said, resting her chin in the palm of her hand. "Why would Angelus make a deal with Martin? And why didn't Martin leave town with Camilla?"

"Maybe he had something to take care of before he left," Eric replied.

Willow and Camilla had retired for the night, as had Buffy and Spike. But the younger Summers couldn't sleep. There were still too many unanswered questions rolling around in her brain.

"But what? And Spike said he found them in an old warehouse. Not a motel or even an actual place of residence. What could he have been doing?"

Eric shrugged. "Did they check it out? Buffy and Spike I mean?"

Dawn shook her head. "No, I don't think so. But you know them. They're kill first, ask questions later. They're all focused on finding out how Angelus got his powers and how to destroy him. But we don't even really know what his master plan is."

"But if they manage to kill him, it won't matter what his plan is, right?"

"Unless whatever he's doing has already been set into motion. We don't know if he's operating alone. Maybe if Willow can get the spell to work, we can find out."

"And if not?"

"Then we may have to do some old fashioned detective work."

Eric looked skeptically at his fiancé. He wasn't sure what she had in mind, but he was almost positive he wouldn't like it.

* * *

Willow stared at the worn pages of her magic book. She'd studied over the spells many times, wondering which of the spells she would get the chance to cast. Out of every book she owned, she still considered this one the most valuable.

She ran her fingers over the inscription on the inside cover.

_With love always, Tara._

She wiped the moisture from her eyes and closed the book. Buffy was angry with her. The slayer had made that much clear with her sideways glares, when she would even look at Willow at all.

But Willow understood. She knew what it was like to lose someone. This was why she was determined to see Spike through this spell. She'd spoken with the coven about Angelus and they'd all agreed that no further magical action should be taken against the vampire until they knew more about the powers he now seemed to possess. And the only way they had found to do that was to recover Spike's memories.

She'd tried to explain this to Buffy, but her best friend wasn't having any of it. And Willow couldn't blame her. The slayer was finally happy, for the first time in a long time, and now that could end if this spell went wrong… or even if it went right.

Willow put the book on the bedside table and lay down next to the sleeping little girl. She recalled what Camilla had said to her before falling asleep.

"_Are you okay, Cammie?"_

"_Yes," she said, nodding. "Just sleepy."_

_Willow smiled at the child. "Well, you'd better go to sleep then."_

"_When is my mommy coming?"_

"_I don't know. But I'll stay here with you until she does."_

"_Okay," she said with a yawn. "Aunty Willow?"_

"_Yeah?"_

"_That mean man said he was my daddy. Why did he say that?"_

_Willow wasn't sure how to answer. "I… I don't know." _

"_I don't have a daddy," she said. "Cept now Mr. Spike is my daddy and he will take care of me forever and ever."_

Somehow, someway, Willow was determined to make sure that happened.

* * *

The next evening came all too soon.

Camilla was sitting on the couch watching cartoons. Spike stood in the doorway for much too long, watching her eat her dinner, trying to find the strength he would need to tell her goodbye. He knew the risk of what he was doing. He knew that he wouldn't be coming back. Buffy knew that too, which was why, he suspected, she hadn't looked at him since she'd gotten out of bed that morning.

It had been a long day, and yet, not nearly long enough. He'd played cards with Camilla, watched some of her programs on the telly with her, and helped Buffy with dinner, though the two of them had barely spoken a word to each other.

But now the day was over and it was time to go.

"Where are you going?" Camilla asked when Buffy told her Spike was leaving.

"I have to go away, bit."

"When are you coming back?"

Spike wasn't sure how to answer that. More than likely, he wouldn't be coming back. But how could he tell her that? She wanted him to be her father and now he would have to tell her he couldn't. He would have to say goodbye to her and her mother. Spike wished there was more time, more time to spend with both of them. More time to deliver a proper goodbye. But there wasn't more time. Only this.

"He's not coming back, sweetheart," Buffy said for him.

Camilla looked at her mother. "Yes huh. Tell her, Mr. Spike. Tell her you're coming back."

"I'm sorry, bit. I don't think I am."

"Not ever?" Her bottom lip was trembling.

He shook his head no.

Before he could say anything else, she jumped off of the couch and ran up to him, wrapping her arms around his legs. "No you can't leave."

"I have to, Nibblet. I'm sorry." He tried to gently push her off of him but she was clinging to his lower limbs for dear life.

"But… but you're sposed to be my daddy."

Spike felt his heart break when he saw big tears running down her face. "I can't be your daddy, little bit. I'm a vampire…"

"I don't care if you're a bampire," she said. "I love you. Mommy loves you, too."

He met Buffy's eyes. They were silently backing up her daughter, begging him not to go. But she remained silent. They had already said their goodbye.

"And I love you, both of you, more than anything. But I can't stay. It would only hurt you both if I did." There was a truth to his words that kept him from changing his mind and taking it all back. He'd known all along that he could never have a life with them. Not for long. He was dead, they were alive. They deserved more, and now they could have it. As soon as Angelus was stopped, they could have a decent, normal life.

Buffy tried to hold back tears as she stepped forward and pried her daughter away from Spike. "You have to let go, Cam." What she wanted to do was tell Spike he was wrong, that they were not better off without him. That he made everything better for both of them. But she couldn't do that, not in front of Camilla. Not when, chances were, he wouldn't be coming back.

"No, no," Camilla yelled, "don't leave me."

Spike willed himself not to look at the girl. He could feel the tears forming in his own eyes.

"Baby, let go," Buffy said gently, pulling the girl back and into her arms. Camilla struggled to get away but her strength was no match for her mother's.

"No…no…no…"

Buffy held on to Camilla, both of them crying now, as Spike walked out the door.

He wanted nothing more than to turn around, go back to the two people who meant the most to him in this world. But he couldn't. He had made his decision. Angelus had to be stopped and this was the only way. And there _was_ still the small chance that he could come back from this.

And a small chance was better than no chance at all.

* * *

"Are you ready?"

Willow was seated in a chair next to the bed, spell book in her lap. She had a bowl on the night stand filled with the yellow liquid.

"Ready as I'll ever be, Red," he replied from his position on the bed.

"Alrighty then. As soon as you're under, I'll complete the binding spell. It should allow me to see what is going on in your head, but I'll still be able to communicate with Dawn."

The younger girl was in a chair across the room. She had volunteered to accompany the two. Willow had explained that while she was bound to Spike, she would still be able to speak, but in the unlikely chance that something went wrong, she wanted to relay what she was seeing to a third party.

Even with the protection spell Willow had placed on her apartment, Buffy hadn't wanted to leave Camilla. And Willow hadn't wanted to perform the spell on Spike in the apartment in case Spike didn't make it. No one wanted the little girl to have to see that, and Willow knew it would be hard for Buffy if the vampire died in her home. They had opted for Spike's rented apartment instead.

Spike consumed the liquid from the bowl as Willow began chanting.

The effect was instantaneous.

* * *

"_Harm?"_

"_Oh, Spikey, I'm so glad you're here. I was starting to think I was the only one of us here."_

"_Us?"_

"_Yeah, us. Wolfram and Hart employees."_

_Wolfram and Hart? It sounded familiar, but Spike couldn't quite put his finger on where he'd heard it. _

"_You two know each other?" Mafius asked._

"_We used to date," Harmony said a bit too cheerfully. _

"_Oh," the demon replied. "I'm sorry," he said looking at Spike._

"_Hey," Harmony said with a glare at him._

"_Where did you come from?" Mafius asked, ignoring the girl._

"_Well, that would all depend on what you mean. Five minutes ago, I was in the jungle."_

"_And before that?"_

"_More jungle. And before that, a desert."_

_Mafius shook his head in understanding. "He came through the portal," he said to scaly, who nodded._

"_Portal? What portal?"_

"_A few nights ago, there was… a disturbance. Bartholomew and I were hunting as our schedule dictates when we felt… a shaking of the ground. Upon searching out the source, we were able to see the portal, lights flashing for quite a distance. And from the portal emerged demons, creatures we hadn't seen here in ages."_

"_And where is here, exactly?" Spike asked. _

"_This place has many names. We call it Inoberia."_

"_Another dimension, then?"_

"_Yes, this is not your dimension, vampire."_

_Somehow, a portal had transported him to another dimension. Spike reasoned that it could have something to do with the amulet he had been wearing. A side effect… a consequence. But, how had Harm ended up here? As far as he knew, she hadn't been anywhere near Sunnyhell when the hellmouth had collapsed. But it wasn't like he'd kept tabs on her. Mafius had also implied they were not the only ones to cross the threshold into this dimension._

_Buffy. _

_Where was she? Had she made it out in time?_

_But then… no. That feeling that something was off about his thoughts returned. _

"_How do we get back?" Spike asked._

"_That is something I cannot tell you."_

"_Then I'll not be wasting any more of your time, mate." He needed to sort out the mess in his head and the only way to do that was to get the bloody hell away from these wankers. If they didn't know anything, they couldn't help. He had to find someone… had to get back to… back to what? _

_The larger demon, Bartholomew presumably, held up his hand. "You will come with us."_

"_Like hell…" Spike started._

"_They're taking us to see the wizard," Harmony said, earning her a look from all three individuals around her. She shrugged. "What? That's what you said."_

_Mafius turned to Spike. "We have no wizards here. I believe she is speaking of the queen."_

"_Queen, whatever," Harmony said, rolling her eyes. "The point is, she can help us get out of this place. Hopefully before it causes more damage to my hair." _

"_That true?" Spike said, ignoring his ex's continuing complaints about hygiene, "this queen of yours, she can get me get home?"_

_Mafius nodded. _

"_Then let's go see her."_

* * *

Dawn watched as Spike relaxed onto the bed. At first he looked almost asleep, but something about his expression, the way his hands would occasionally squeeze into fists, said different. He was not resting.

Willow had closed her eyes after reciting a bit of Latin, and seemed to have fallen into a trance. Dawn wondered what the witch was seeing. She had always been intrigued by magic though she had only cast a handful of spells herself. She'd also seen the dark side of the craft, experienced it first hand, and that had been enough to deter her.

She had decided to follow her sister's example and shoot for a normal life. A life that wasn't filled with vampires and demons… at least not most of the time. Though neither of them would ever be completely normal, not with everything they had experienced in their lives, she was determined to help her sister find happiness and if that included working a regular job like a regular person, well then that is exactly what she would do.

If it hadn't been for her decision to go to college instead of joining Giles and Willow at the Watcher's Council, she also would never have met Eric. Everything happened for a reason. She had to believe that. And she had to believe that Spike was going to be okay. Dawn hadn't seen Buffy smile the way she had since Spike had shown back up in their lives in years. Now that they had finally taken that step, finally admitted their feelings for each other... he couldn't die now.

Dawn was pulled out of her revere when she heard Willow mumble something. It sounded almost like…

"Harmony."

* * *

_The "palace" was a vast array of grey stones, much like a medieval castle, with dark vines climbing the walls. The bloody sun shone high over the queen's residence. _

"_This queen, she isn't going to like, eat us?" Harmony asked._

"_She does not normally eat vampires, no," Mafius replied._

"_Normally?"_

"_No need to worry."_

_They entered through large wrought-iron gates. From the way Mafius talked about the queen, Spike wasn't sure he wanted to meet her. She sounded highly unpleasant, but if she could send them home, he would gladly have a little chat with her. He only hoped he wasn't walking into a trap._

_The queen was in the grand hallway. The inside of the palace was not formal or elegant. The black plants grew along the inside as well, and the floors and walls were the same brick as the outside. _

_With orange skin and eyes like black pits, the queen stood out among the dullness of the castle. Her long silk robe shone in the dim candle lights._

"_More guests," she hissed in an almost inaudible voice._

"_Your majesty, we located these two in the forest. They came through the portal."_

"_Of course they did. Thank you, Mafius." _

_The demon bowed to her and exited the way he entered, Bartholomew on his heels, leaving Spike and Harmony alone with the queen. Well, not alone. There was another figure in the room. His back was to them, but he was wearing a slightly tattered leather jacket and his dark hair stood up off of his head._

"_Your friends have arrived," the queen hissed at the figure, who turned to look in their direction. _

"_Angel?"_

"_Spike?"_

_Suddenly a flash of images pushed their way into Spike's brain. Wolfram and Hart, passing through doors, Fred, Illeria, Angel, a dragon._

_He remembered._

_They had been trying to take down the Senior Partners. Fighting in an alleyway… Whatever had been clouding his brain had cleared. _

"_I wasn't sure if you were alive," Angel said, a slight disappointment in his voice._

"_Don't sound so jolly about it, mate," Spike shot back._

"_You want me to pretend I'm glad to see you? You've been nothing but a pain in my arse since we met."_

"_And you've been the light of my life…"_

"_Now boys," the queen scolded, "no fighting in the palace." She smiled, showing teeth that were sharpened to a fine point. "I suspect you are all here for the same reason."_

"_Your lackeys here claim you can send us back," Spike said._

"_Back to your _human_ world?" She acted as if even saying the word put a bad taste in her mouth._

"_Yes," Angel answered._

"_I can do that," the queen said, in a bored-like tone._

_Spike was skeptical. This dimension had already messed with his memories and the queen didn't look like the negotiating type. Captain Forehead seemed convinced the Oompa Loompa could do as the other demons had claimed. But this all seemed too easy. And Spike couldn't forget the demon he'd first encountered in the jungle, the one who'd told him 'she will find you'. She as in… the queen?_

"_How do we know you're not lying to us?" Spike asked._

"_You don't."_

"_She's not lying," Angel said. "I've seen what she can do."_

"_Well, that's great for you, mate, but I haven't seen her majesty do a bloody thing."_

_An iron-like grip wrapped around Spike's throat and lifted him from the ground. Harmony ran forward in a vain attempt to help, but a wave of the queen's hand sent her flying backwards._

"_We do not speak out of turn here, vampire."_

_Spike struggled pointlessly against the invisible hand. "You've made your point," he managed to growl._

_The hand dropped him abruptly and he landed, painfully, on his shoulder. Spike jumped back to his feet, massaging his hurt shoulder, and glared at the queen. _

"_What is your price?" Angel asked._

_The queen tapped a long sharp nail against one of her chins. "I don't suppose I could convince one of you to join me here? I am always looking for new lovers."_

_The vampires shared a look, both daring the other to take the offer. They answered no at the same time._

"_And you?" The question was directed at Harmony._

"_Tempting but I try not to date outside my species. Well, unless you count that one night stand I had with…"_

"_Harm!"_

_The blonde vampire shut her mouth but glared at Spike._

_The queen sighed. "Very well."She paced around, a bit dramatically, in front of them. "I don't have much time. I'm very busy."_

_Spike wanted to point out how they didn't want to be there any more than she wanted them there, but Angel spoke first._

"_We understand, your majesty. But if you could please…"_

_She paused in her pacing and looked Angel up and down. "I will grant your request, vampires. For a… price, as you say."_

"_And that would be what?" Spike asked._

"_I require from you a… I believe the word is trade. I do this for you, you do something for me."_

"_What could we possibly do for you?"_

"_There is someone in your world whom I need destroyed. A demon I'm sure you will have no problem killing. He betrayed me and then proceeded to escape through your precious portal. No one betrays me. He must die. I would do it myself but I find entering the human realm revolting."_

"_So we off your runaway and that's it?" Spike asked._

_The queen nodded. "Well, there is _one_ more thing I require."_

"_Which is?" Angel asked._

"_A soul."_

* * *

Buffy paced back and forth in her apartment. Camilla had finally cried herself to sleep and though her heart broke for her daughter, Buffy knew the girl was better off not sharing in her worrying.

Spike couldn't die. He couldn't. Not after everything they had been through together. It couldn't be coincidence that _he_ had been the one to find Camilla that night in Los Angeles. And it wasn't some random happenstance that he'd moved with them to New York, that he and Camilla had bonded so easily, that she herself had fallen in love with him.

No, not coincidence.

Fate.

And the universe couldn't be so cruel as to take away everything now. She had to believe that. Had to believe that he was gonna be okay. He was strong. He could survive this.

He had to.

* * *

"_You want our souls?"_

"_Just one will do. You see, I am a soul eater. That is what I do, how I stay beautiful."_

_Spike let out a snort. "I don't think it's working."_

_Angel glared at him. The queen merely brushed him off with a wave of her hand. _

"_That is my offer. If you will not accept it…"_

"_We accept," Angel said quickly._

_Spike looked over at his grandsire. "Volunteering, mate?"_

"_You have a problem with that?"_

_Spike could have pointed out that once his soul was gone, Angel would become a killer. They could restore his soul, but how many lives would be lost before they could do that? But what were the other options? Harmony didn't have a soul. That only left him. And Spike couldn't imagine giving up his soul after he'd worked so hard to get it back. But it would be safer that way. Spike was sure that even if his soul was gone, he would not turn into some killing machine that had to be stopped. _

_And he should have said all of this. But the queen had already stepped right in front of Angel and put her hands on the side of his head._

"_I take no man or beast upon his word." She chanted a few words in a language none of the three vampires had ever heard. Then she smiled, sharp teeth glistening._

"_I should warn you, my methods often have… side effects. Sometimes I can't control my magics."_

_Her right hand moved over Angel's chest and the next thing Spike registered was the screaming._

* * *

Dawn jumped from her chair and ran to the bedside. "Willow," she called out. "Willow."

The witch's eyes popped open and she stopped screaming though her breaths were still coming quickly and unevenly.

"I know how to stop him," she managed to say.

"What?" Dawn asked, confused. "What the hell happened?"

But Willow ignored her. Instead she stood up from her seat and headed straight for the door.

"Wha… where are you going?" Dawn asked.

"I have to go find Angelus. You stay here with him," she said, indicating Spike.

"He looks bad, we should wake him."

Spike's skin had paled, if that was even possible, and he was drenched in sweat.

"We can't," Willow said, grabbing up a bag and throwing some of her things in it.

"Why not?"

"Because the spell is designed so that he stays under until he remembers everything." She opened the door to the apartment. "Just stay here and call me if he wakes up. Or if…" she broke off, not wanting to state the obvious.

"Yeah, okay," Dawn replied.

And with that, Willow was gone.

* * *

A knock on the door pulled Buffy out of her thoughts. She looked at Eric, who had been seated silently on the couch for nearly two hours. He glanced at the door and then back at her nervously.

Buffy walked to the door and pressed her hand against it. "Willow, is that you?"

Dawn had called nearly a half hour before and told her that Willow knew how to stop Angelus. Neither knew what the witch's plan was, and Willow wasn't answering her phone. Dawn's report on Spike hadn't been an entirely comforting one either, but at least her little sister had confirmed that the vampire was not yet dust.

She was met with unnerving silence.

"B-Buffy. It's m-me."

The voice sounded nervous, and oddly familiar.

"P-please open the d-door."

It suddenly clicked in her brain and Buffy knew who was on the other side of the door. And she also knew the girl wasn't alone.

"Krista?" she said through the door.

"Y-yes."

Buffy cursed under her breath and then told Eric to go in the bedroom with Camilla and try to call Willow again. He immediately jumped off of the couch to oblige her. Once he was out of sight, Buffy opened the door. As expected, Krista was standing there, Angelus behind her.

"Buffy, so nice to see you again."

"Let her go," Buffy demanded.

"And why would I want to do that?"

"I'm s-sorry, Buffy. He said he would kill my family."

"It's okay," Buffy said, glaring at the man behind her. "It's not your fault."

Angelus ran the tip of the knife in his right hand down the side of the girl's cheek as more tears ran down her face.

"I said let her go. She has nothing to do with this."

He pressed his mouth close to Krista's ear. "I think she deserves to know what kind of trouble her neighbors have been into, don't you?"

Krista jerked away from him and the knife penetrated the skin on her cheek, drawing blood. She whimpered and Buffy made a move toward them, but Angelus quickly moved the knife to the girl's throat.

"Make any sudden movements, and she dies."

"I don't think so."

Before Buffy could look for the owner of the voice, the knife flew from Angelus' hand. His head jerked to the side and then he was flying across the hall and landing with a loud thud about twenty feet away.

Willow stepped around the corner, her hands raised in the air. "Sorry I'm late," she said.

* * *

Dawn looked at her watch. It had been close to an hour since Willow had left and she still hadn't received any word from anyone. On top of all of that, Spike hadn't woken up and looked worse and worse by the minute.

His skin had sunken in now, leaving him as literally nothing but skin and bones. She feared that any moment, his body would turn to dust and there would be nothing left at all.

They had thought to bring all of the blood they'd had with them so he could feed upon waking, but from the looks of him now, it would take much more than that.

A noise brought her attention to the bed. Spike was moving, his whole body convulsing madly. She ran to the bedside and attempted to hold him down, praying that whatever Willow had planned, that she would finish it soon.

* * *

"Finally, someone with power. I was wondering when you would be showing your face," Angelus said, getting back to his feet.

Krista had managed to scramble away from him and Buffy ushered the girl into her apartment. She hadn't moved from her spot in front of her apartment door. Angelus shouldn't be able to enter, but if his magic somehow gave him a way around an invitation, she would do everything in her power to keep him away from Camilla.

"I know what you are," Willow said.

Angelus laughed. "You have no idea what I am."

Buffy watched as her best friend approached the ex love of her life. Mixed emotions ran through her. She was obviously worried about Willow. She knew her friend was a powerful witch, but she'd seen what Angelus could do; saw how he had somehow spelled himself so that he couldn't be staked.

But it wasn't just Willow she was worried about. Despite herself, she couldn't help but feel a twinge of sadness at the thought of Angelus dying.

Willow began chanting in a language that Buffy had never heard. At first, Angelus didn't seem the least bit affected. Then, something strange happened.

His eyes took on a strange green glow. And then he started shaking.

"You bitch," he growled at her.

Buffy thought he would lunge at Willow, but he didn't. Instead he raised his shaking hands and began chanting. Buffy stepped back, out of the line of magical fire.

The back and forth seemed to drag on for hours, but it couldn't have been more than a few minutes. Angelus was strong, but Willow was stronger.

It was obvious that Angelus was losing the grip on his borrowed power and as Willow's chanting got louder, he fell to his knees. He seemed determined, but it was not enough. His body slumped and finally hit the floor.

Willow dropped her hands to her sides and took a couple of deep breaths.

"What did you do?" Buffy asked, still unsure of the seemingly unconscious man on the floor.

"I stripped him of his power. The spell worked. I was able to see where the black hole took them. It was a dimension called Inoberia. We were lucky. It was one of the 7 dimensions of Ka." Off Buffy's look she added, "I studied them when I joined the coven."

"So, you saw what happened to them?"

"Yes. The queen of that dimension has power. She consumes the souls of demons and often absorbs their powers. She took Angel's soul, and in the process, inadvertently transferred some of her powers to him."

"So, she made him do all of these things?"

"No, once he was back in our world, that was all him."

"And that spell you cast?"

"Once I knew where and how he'd gotten the powers, I knew which spell to use to take them away."

"So you tracked him here? I thought he was all un-trackable." Buffy wondered.

"I went to the warehouse, the one where you and Spike found Camilla. I thought he may still be there. What I found…" She broke off, looking down at Angel's unconscious form. "There was a demon, a very dead one. The soul eater made a deal with Angel; his return to our world in exchange for a favor. She wanted him to kill a demon for her. But in order to make sure he did as he promised, she made sure he couldn't get what he desired until the demon was dead. Once I realized the demon in the warehouse was the one he'd been assigned to kill, I knew that now he'd be free to get what he wanted."

"Me," Buffy said. "So he wasn't just playing with us. He didn't kill me… because he couldn't." Buffy wasn't vain enough to think Angelus had wanted her for anything else. All the evil vampire had ever wanted was taunt her and be the one to end her life. It hurt to think that what he wanted most was her death, but it wasn't that surprising.

Willow nodded. "I do think he wanted to hurt you. That _is_ his style. But when you fought him in the warehouse, he wouldn't have been able to kill you then, assuming that's what he wanted. That demon hasn't been dead that long. I guess it took him a while to find it. I also found something else at the warehouse. Money. Lots of it. My guess is Angelus offered Martin the money to kidnap Camilla."

That made sense. Martin always had been a greedy bastard. Buffy couldn't help but feel a little glad that her ex was dead.

"So what now?" Buffy asked.

"Now he's just a regular old vampire. He should wake up soon."

"I imagine he'll be pissed."

Willow nodded. "I'll prepare the restoration spell. It should work now."

Buffy turned back to the apartment. Krista was standing in the middle of the living room, holding the telephone. She nodded and walked on shaking legs to Buffy.

"It's for you."

Buffy took the phone and gave Krista the most reassuring smile she could. "I'm so sorry. Are you okay?"

Krista nodded but still looked just shy of terrified. Buffy knew she would have to explain a lot to her neighbor but knew they had to take care of Angelus first.

Buffy raised the phone to her ear, planning to tell whoever was on the line that she would have to call them back. But when she heard her sister's voice on the phone, she felt her heartbeat accelerate. Dawn was with Spike.

"Dawn? What is it? What…?"

"Buffy, you need to get over here now."

"Why? What happened?" She wasn't sure she wanted to know.

"Just get over here."

* * *

Buffy broke every traffic law possible on the way to Spike's apartment. She kept reminding herself on the way that Dawn hadn't actually said Spike was dead. But she'd sounded panicked and that was enough to worry Buffy. Willow had cast the restoration spell and once she was convinced Angel was back, Buffy had practically run out the door.

Thankfully, Camilla hadn't woken up during the mini magic war that had taken place just outside their home. Eric and Krista were left trying to make sense of everything while Willow took on the job of explaining everything to Angel. The vampire remembered nothing of his venture to another dimension and little of the time since he'd been back. That was another conversation Buffy would have to have when she got back, but for now, she had to make sure that Spike was okay.

When she reached the building, Buffy jumped out of her car and ran at slayer speed up the stairs, not wanting to waste any time waiting for the elevator. The apartment door flew open as she reached it and Buffy was met with a wide-eyed Dawn.

"Is he…?" she could even form the words.

"No," Dawn said, taking a deep breath. "Quite the opposite."

"What do you mean?" Buffy couldn't quite read the expression on her sister's face. She didn't look upset, but she also looked… unsure somehow.

"He's alive."

"Alive as in… still in the land of the undead?"

Dawn shook her head.

"Dawn…"

"Buffy, his heart's beating. He's human."


	17. Epilogue

**A/N: So this is it. The story is now complete. Once again I want to say thank you to everyone who read the story, and another I'm sorry to those who've been reading since 2007. I hope you all enjoyed the story and I hope the ending was satisfactory!**

**Epilogue **

She looked in the mirror, pleased with what she saw. Her normally shoulder length blonde hair was pulled back in a messy, yet attractive, bun, with a few loose tendrils hanging near her face. She had a little touch of color on her eye lids and a bit of blush on her cheeks. Just enough. Her dress was a pale blue color with an array of flowers dotting the fabric. Perfect.

She smiled and stood from her seat in front of the vanity. It wasn't every day that a girl had her first date. Bryan was taking her to a movie, and from its description, she was pretty sure there would be more death than romance, but she'd never really been one for romantic comedies anyway.

A look at the clock told her it was fifteen minutes until 7:00. Bryan would be there soon and she had promised her dad he could talk to the boy before they left. She only hoped her dad didn't scare Bryan away. He could definitely be scary when he wanted to be.

She picked up her purse and slipped on her matching powder blue sandals. When she reached the bottom of the stairs, her mom emerged from the kitchen.

"That dress is beautiful, honey."

"Thanks. I hope he likes it."

"He'll love it."

"Who will love what?" her father asked from the living room.

She shared a smile with her mom and pranced dramatically into the room where her father was seated on the couch.

"Sweetheart, you look amazing," he said when she came into view.

"Doesn't she?" her mother said.

"Mom helped me with my makeup. You don't think it looks too skanky, do you?"

"Not at all. But are you sure you're old enough…"

"I'm sixteen, dad," she said, as if that explained everything.

"Don't remind me," he said, with mock fear playing on his face.

"Cammy's got a da-ate," her little brother said from his place on the floor in the front of the television. "Are you gonna kiss him?" he said with a wrinkle of his nose.

"Maybe," she replied, earning an "ew" from her brother and a slight growly sound from her dad.

"William, leave your sister alone," her mother said. "And you, play nice," she added with a kiss on top of her husband's head.

"I always play nice."

Cam laughed as her mother gave a look to the back of her dad's head that clearly said she knew better.

The sound of a car pulling into the driveway made her heart accelerate a tiny bit. "Oh my gosh, he's here."

Her dad stood from the couch.

"Dad, do you have to talk to him? He's really nice, I swear. He's an honor student, he's on the student council…"

"I need to check him out for myself."

"Please," Cam begged her mother.

"Honey, she's right. You do tend to intimidate people."

"I do not."

"The mailman changed routes after talking to you."

"He was leaving the box open. The mail was getting wet."

Her mom gave him another look, to his face this time. He stared back at her for a moment before sighing.

"Fine… but if the boy tries anything…"

"He won't."

"But if he does, you remember what I taught you?"

"Yes dad. Kick him where it hurts, spray him directly in the eyes with pepper spray, and bash him up against the head with anything handy."

"That's my girl."

She shook her head. "Mom, tell him I'll be fine."

"I would but you know he doesn't listen to a word I say."

Cam smiled and gave them each a hug before waving a goodbye and telling them not to wait up for her. Another laugh escaped her lips as she walked down the driveway, knowing her dad was itching to follow.

* * *

They stood at the window and watched their daughter get into the boy's car.

"She'll be okay, you know."

"I know," he replied, frowning at the retreating vehicle.

She wrapped her arms around his mid-section from behind and rested her head on his shoulder blades. "Thank you."

He turned around, her arms still wrapped around him, and placed both hands on her shoulders. "For not beating the boy to a bloody pulp?"

"Well, that, and for being a great dad when you didn't have to be."

"But I did. From the second she walked into my life, I knew I could never leave her, never leave you."

She felt tears prick the corners of her eyes. "I love you, Spike," she said, using the name she rarely called him anymore, the name none of the neighbors knew him by. "More than you know."

"And I love you, Slayer."

She smiled and bent up to press her lips to his.

"Ew."

They both looked down at the little curly-brown headed boy who was sticking his tongue out at them.

"Daddy," he whined, "you're sposed to be helping me beat my game."

Spike let go of Buffy and followed his son back to the living room. "What game is this?"

"It's the one Uncle Eric sent me. He says Aunt Dawnie told him it was too loud for baby Clara."

"And what is this game about exactly?"

William focused on the television screen as the game loaded. "Bampires," he said, dramatically.

"Oh bloody hell."

THE END

**A/N- Let me know what you thought... good, bad or just okay. :)**


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